“Did he say what time?”
“Yes, I have the letter here. He’s speaking at two p.m., for half an hour, but he asked if he could spend the full day at the conference. We saw no reason to object and we’ve told him to report tomorrow, instead. It’s not our intention to interfere with his employment.”
“No, that’s fair enough. And where is this conference, exactly?”
“Um, here we are: the Leeds Winchester Hotel.”
“Good. Thanks for your help.”
“Is there a problem, Mr Priest? Would you have preferred it if we’d contacted you earlier?”
“No, no problem at all. I was just thinking that I might go along and listen to him.”
The troops had plenty to catch up on, and the super was more interested in his monthly fly-fishing magazine, so I didn’t tell him my intentions. Just before one I walked out of the office and drove to Leeds.
The Winchester Hotel is part of the revitalised riverside area, to the south of town, near the new Royal Armouries. Leeds has an inner ring road, which is only half a ring, and something called the Loop, which doesn’t join up with it. I missed the hotel, drove into the city centre and came out again following the M1 signs, except that the M1 is now called the M621 and the new M1 is not what I wanted. I drove back into the city centre and tried again.
This time I found it. The Winchester chain of hotels caters for business trade working to a budget. It’s roomonly accommodation, without the frills. No Corby trouser press, no complimentary shower cap. If you want to eat, there’s a restaurant on the ground floor. I pushed my way through the door at a few seconds before two, just as the tail end of a group of people disappeared into the lift. The doors closed, leaving me stranded. I looked around for a sign saying where the conference was being held, but there wasn’t one. Presumably it wasn’t necessary. Ah well, I’m not a detective for nothing. The illuminated indicator above the lift door had flicked through the lower numbers and was now stationary at number five. That must be it, I thought, pressing the button.
There was a movement beside me and I turned to see a little man standing there, his face moist with perspiration. The indicator over the lift door to my left stopped at G, something pinged and the door opened. I gestured for the man to enter first. You never know, maybe there’d been a failure of electronics and the lift wasn’t really there. He didn’t fall to his death so I followed him in.
“Five?” I asked.
“Yes please.” He was seriously overweight and appeared to be wearing a skirt over his blue-check trousers. A name badge declared that he was called Gerald Vole.
“Er, napkin,” I whispered, nodding towards his nether regions.
“Oh God!” he exclaimed, snatching it from his belt. He managed a nervous smile, saying: “The service was terrible in the restaurant,” by way of explanation.
“It always is,” I confirmed, airily.
The door pinged and opened, and I gestured him forward. “Enjoying the conference?” I asked.
“Yes, very much. There’s so much to learn, though. Are you with the company?”
“Yes, for my sins,” I lied.
“Sales?”
“Head office,” I told him, adding: “Personnel,” because it felt good.
“Gosh!” he replied, impressed.
“Charlie Priest,” I said, offering him my hand.
“Gerry Vole,” he squeaked as I crushed his clammy fingers. “Pleased to meet you.”
“Welcome to TGF, Gerry,” I said.
The door we entered through was at the back of the room, fortunately. The conference facilities consisted of one side of the whole fifth floor being left empty, the space divided into three by sliding partitions. Trans Global Finance had booked the lot, so all the partitions were retracted. The place was nearly full, but we found chairs on the end of the back row and sat down. Gerry produced a typist’s pad from a pocket and rested it on his knee. I stared at row after row of shaven necks poking from blue suit collars. It could have been a Mormon revivalist meeting. Gerry’s checks and my sports jacket were the only discordant notes. Gerry would have to learn to conform; I make a speciality of not doing so.
The door behind me closed with a bang and I took a sly peep back. A man and woman who would have looked completely at home on local-network breakfast TV were standing there, and he’d pulled the door shut. She had nice knees, and I’d seen her type a hundred times before. Sometimes she, or her sister, was in the precinct, handing out freebies for the local newspaper; other times she was there in her clingy T-shirt and Wonder Bra extolling the virtues of holidays in Cornwall or Tenerife. A promotions girl. Anxious to shake the dust of Heckley from her stilettos but not good looking enough to be a model, not bright enough to be a holiday rep. Promises of riches galore had brought her into the finance industry, and today she was a cheerleader.
“Welcome back!” a voice boomed from the front. The owner had oddly luxuriant grey hair and could easily have done Billy Graham on Stars in Their Eyes. “And now for the session you’re all waiting for,” he proclaimed. “It’s my proud duty to introduce the man we all think of as the Prince of Closing. The man who can, literally, walk on water…”
Boy, this I’ve got to see, I thought. Gerry Vole beside me was wriggling in his seat, trying to make himself taller.
“Ladies and gentlemen…”
“No! No! No!” Silkstone was there, waving his arms as he dashed on to the stage to interrupt the eulogy, but just too late, of course, and the rest of it was drowned by the applause. It started behind me in a burst of small explosions and rattled through the audience like machine gun fire. “Good afternoon!” Silkstone shouted.
“Good afternoon,” we yelled back.
“I didn’t hear you! GOOD AFTERNOON!”
“GOOD AFTERNOON!” This time they heard us in Barnsley.
“Right on!” I added as the reverberations faded away, and nudged Gerry with my elbow.
“Yeah!” he shouted, recovering his balance and punching the air with a podgy fist.
“What is that magical quality that converts a lead into a sale?” Silkstone demanded of us.
“Closing!” The word jumped around the auditorium like a firecracker.
“What are the three golden bullets in the salesman’s armoury?”
“Closing, closing, closing.”
“You don’t seem sure!” he shouted. “So I’ll tell you!” There was a table and chair on the low stage, with a glass and water jug on the table. Silkstone leapt up on to the chair and shouted: “Number one — closing!” Long pause for effect as he made eye contact with the front rows. “Number two — closing!” Another leap took him on to the table. “Number three — CLOSING!”
Gerry, beside me and beside himself, was busy scribbling. He’d written: 3 golden bullets: 1 — closing, 2 — closing, 3 — closing!!!
Silkstone, still up on the table, was launching into an anecdote about how Bill Gates got to be the world’s richest man. Presumably, I thought, because gates are good at closing. After five minutes I’d had enough. I reached out and took Gerry’s pad from him. On it I wrote: 4 — treat every client as if he might be an eccentric millionaire and winked as I passed it back. “I’m off,” I said, rising to my feet. “Good luck.” He read what I’d written and stared at me, eyes wide, mouth open, as if I’d just given him the co-ordinates of the Holy Grail.
I yanked the door open and took a last look at Silkstone. He had one foot on the floor, one on the chair when the movement at the back of the room caught his eye. He froze in mid-stride and fell silent as he recognised me. Other heads turned my way. I stepped out through the opening and closed the door behind me. “That’ll give him something to think about,” I mumbled to myself as I headed towards the lift.
Gwen Rhodes played netball for England and hockey for Kent. I had trials with Halifax Town as a goalkeeper, but wasn’t signed up. I considered myself a sportsman, years ago, although I never reached the heights that Gwen did. We sit on a committee together, and have talked about the value of sport over a cup of coffee in the canteen. These days, the only place you can regularly see honesty, courage, passion is on the playing field. Out there, with the sting of sweat in your eyes and the taste of blood in your mouth, where you come from and who you know is of no help at all.
So when I saw the note on my desk saying that she wanted me to ring her I didn’t wait. “The Governor,
