Lurker

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mandy asked.

“Nothing,” Dale said, lifting Drew’s abandoned coffee and sipping from the mug. “Jacob’s cool. Drew is cool. It makes sense.”

That’s not what he meant, Mandy thought. He was probably going to say something nasty, but knew it would piss her off even more than she already was, which would be quite an accomplishment, considering how she felt.

“Let’s talk,” Dale said, putting down the mug. “How’re you doing?”

Mandy refused to reply. At least, that’s what she told herself when she could think of nothing to say.

“Did you get the flowers?”

“Yes.”

“Lame, right?” he said with a nervous laugh.

“They were beautiful,” she said through a tight jaw. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said. Dale tapped on the table with his index finger and looked at the room over Mandy’s shoulders. “So, here’s the thing. The guys and I were talking, right? And they’ve been calling me an ass since all of this happened.”

“They have?” Mandy was shocked.

“Sure. They’re not the cavemen you think they are. Anyway, they laid into me about being lousy to you, said I should have shown a lot more respect. And it’s like, I didn’t get it. I so didn’t get it.” Dale let out a chirp of a laugh, continued to tap on the table. “So, my dad and I were watching the game the other night, and I told him what was going on, right? I told him I screwed up with you because I was messing around online. I told him about me coming to your house and acting stupid. You know what he said?”

“No. What did he say?”

“He said that I was young and shouldn’t worry about one girl. The world was full of girls, and I could have as many of them as I wanted. He pointed at the game, right? His finger’s all jabbing at those basketball players on the television, and he’s saying, ‘You think any of those guys worries about what one girl thinks? Even their wives? Hell no.’”

“Charming,” Mandy said, picking up her mug and taking a sip.

“Yeah,” Dale whispered. “That’s the thing, right? I see how miserable he is, and how miserable Mom is, and I never got it before. I mean, most people think we’ve got it all, right? But neither one of them is happy, and I suddenly got it. That’s why I sent you those flowers.”

“I don’t understand,” Mandy said.

“They have everything, and they don’t really appreciate anything. Right? I mean, I don’t know why. I don’t know what else they want, but they must want something or they’d be happy. And it freaked me out because I’ve got this middle-aged really unhappy guy telling me I was doing the right thing. That’s when I knew that I really, really screwed up.”

The butterflies in her stomach quieted. Her mind, which had been on red alert, ready to shoot back clever and biting retorts to his excuses, calmed. She had expected little from Dale, nothing more than what he’d said at her house before she slammed the door on him, but what he was saying now surprised her. She didn’t know what to say.

“So look, here’s the deal,” Dale continued. “I’m probably going to keep being a big dumb guy for a while. But I’m trying to be a little less dumb. I don’t expect you to take me back, okay? But I want to apologize again. No excuses. I screwed up. It was stupid messing around online. And I’m sorry.”

“He did not,” Laurel said.

“Yes, he did. I got that feeling like I was about to start crying, and I think if he’d said anything else, I would have.”

“You think he was playin’?”

“No,” Mandy said. “He was not playin’.” She adjusted the cell phone against her head while she poured a glass of iced tea, and then leaned back against the kitchen counter. “Totally not playing.”

“So what’s Girl going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Mandy said. “I mean, we’re not back together or anything. It’s just so weird.”

“There’s hope for boykind yet. So, ask me about gun practice.”

“How was gun practice?”

“Girl, don’t ask,” Laurel said, then broke up laughing. “I sat in a room with a bunch of losers for four hours listening to some redneck extol the magical wonder of poppin’ a cap. We didn’t even get a shot off. That’s for next week. So, I still have this thing and no bullets. Dad is upset. He thinks I should have a license to kill by now.”

“I hate those things.”

“Yes, you and Princess Drew have made that clear enough.”

“After what she did, running out on me, you ought to pop a cap in her.”

“Yeah, except it worked out good, so I can save a bullet.”

“I guess so.”

Mandy lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. For the first time in weeks she didn’t feel like something terrible was about to happen. In fact, she felt good. Finally, the dark cloud that hung over her since the night she’d caught Dale flirting online and since Nicki died was dissipating. She thought about what Dale said to her, thought again how great he looked in the sweater she’d given him. What she didn’t know, though it teased her, was whether the conversation with him gave her closure on their relationship or opened the door for them to try again. It was hard not to think about it.

And naturally, when she thought about Dale, she thought about Kyle. How could she not? They were supposed to go out on Saturday night, but Mandy felt none of the excitement she usually did when a boy asked her out. Maybe it was being asked via IM, or the fact that Laurel was with her when Kyle asked. Mandy couldn’t be certain, but if Kyle was nothing more than a rebound, she’d know now. It would have to be totally obvious. If he wasn’t, and she really liked him, that would be obvious too. Wouldn’t it?

Laurel thought so. She told Mandy that her head should be clear now, and with that clarity came the possibility of choosing between Dale and Kyle. (“Are these my only choices?” she had joked.) Again, she told herself that Kyle wasn’t really real. He was just lines of type in an instant message window. But that wasn’t fair. In fact, it was kind of selfish and bitchy. Behind those lines was a person, a young man with feelings.

Do u think u’d like 2 kiss me?

Kyle had asked her that, and she’d said maybe. If he were standing in her room right then and asked, she’d say yes. Absolutely. Please. Because she needed to know what she felt about him. Was he just a distraction, something to kill time so she didn’t have to spend every minute thinking about Dale or Nicki? Could she really use someone that way, even if it was totally subconscious? She hoped not.

But there was a lingering doubt, and more and more, she believed she could.

“Ugh,” she said to the ceiling. She was starting to bring that dark cloud back. She had to think about something else. She decided to think about the trips she’d like to take once school was out.

Where should I go? she wondered. There are so many places to see. How do you pick just one?

MC9010025: If u could go on vacation anywhere, where would u go?

Kylenevers:????

MC9010025: I was thinking about it this afternoon. U mentioned Brazil.

Kylenevers: Did I? U going someplace?

MC9010025: Worried?

Kylenevers: Maybe.:-) When r u going?

MC9010025: After graduation. It would b fun 4 Laurel and Drew and I 2 travel a little b4 college.

Kylenevers: OK. Sure. What about Prague? I thought that was high on your list.

MC9010025: Brazil sounds more exotic.

Kylenevers: U don’t want 2 go 2 Brazil. Not unless u know people. It’s kind of weird down there.

MC9010025: Do u know people there?