Torn

Cody was dead. Karston had been a blow, but Cody was different. He was more like a force of nature, and forces of nature shouldn’t die.

Until that moment, when Devin felt as if a part of himself was missing, he never realized how much he both hated Cody and loved him, how much he thought he was a jerk, an asshole, yet shared Cody’s opinion of himself, that he was some kind of god.

Devin stepped out of the shower. The sound of his parents arguing downstairs floated up through the heating vents. Their harsh whispers were short, angry, desperate. The details of the grudge match flew past him. He couldn’t care less. He went into his room and closed the door, silencing them.

He threw himself back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Eventually, he looked out the large window, where he caught the tops of the trees shifting in a hard wind. The woods seemed to go on forever.

A greater truth had suddenly opened up for Devin. It sat there in front of him, thick and black, utterly unknown and waiting to swallow him whole: a monster.

A monster had killed Karston and Cody. Not some wacky deformed homeless guy with a hatchet—a for-real, beyond-the-ken-of-mortal-understanding monster, or whatever you wanted to call something so strong you could shatter a solid body Les Paul against it without even slowing it down.

And it looked so damn familiar.

Even now he wanted to look under his bed, to make sure it wasn’t there.

Could it really have come from the song like Cody said? How screwed up was that? Was it created by the song, or did the song “call” to it? What were the rules? Were there any rules? Did it only take bad children? Was he safe? He didn’t feel safe.

Was Cheryl safe? Was One Word Ben?

Cheryl. The last time he’d seen her was when her parents took her out of the station. Her beautiful smooth skin was totally white, and there were deep red circles under her eyes. He had called to her, but she’d been far down the hall, being pulled into one of the interrogation rooms.

He grabbed his cell and punched her number on the speed dial.

“Hey,” she said in a flash. She sounded tired, as if he’d woken her.

“Hey,” he said back. “How are you?”

“Horrible.”

“Me, too. Your parents ever going to let you out of the house again?”

“I hope not. Yours?”

“Downstairs fighting about something. I don’t know who’s going to win.”

“Did you talk to Cody’s family?”

Devin was surprised by the question. “No. I just got back.”

“I want to call, but I’m scared. Like it would make it more real.” Her voice was cracking. After a silence, she asked, “Was it real?”

Devin thought about it a second and said, “Yes.”

“What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

There was a longer pause, but Devin didn’t think of hanging up. The silence was fine. Just knowing she was on the other end, despite the space between them, felt good.

After a while, Cheryl broke the silence. “It’s all over the chat rooms, you know. They’re thinking of canceling school Monday. There’s a radio station playing the song, creeping people out. There’s a video clip Judy sent me from the club. It’s got a great shot of…Cody…singing…and there’s more of those dust dots flying around.”

More silence.

“Maybe you should see it,” Cheryl said. “I’ll send it to you.”

Devin stood, walked to his laptop, and woke it. “I’ll take a look,” he said. “What do you think they are?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the angels from the song, the ones we’re supposed to lie to. Maybe Cody didn’t lie well enough,” she answered.

The e-mail was already in his in-box. With a click, the large video file started downloading.

He smiled a little. “You kidding? Cody was a great liar.”

“Yeah,” she said. Her voice cracked and trailed off. She started crying.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I’d cry, too, but I’m too tired.”

“It’s not…it’s not just that he’s dead,” she said.

“Then what?”

“I don’t want to lie anymore either. There’s something I have to tell you. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before. You’re so…good.”

He could feel her trying to pull herself together.

“What? What is it? Don’t leave me hanging.”

Her voice was halting. “No. Not now. I have to do it in person.”

He felt himself getting angry. He didn’t want to be angry—not now, not at her—but he felt it anyway. “No, just tell me. My brain is screwed up enough as it is.”

A pause, and then, “You’ll hate me.”

What the hell is she talking about?

“I couldn’t, Cheryl, not you.”

“You could. It’s about me and Cody.”

Silence. Devin felt that abyss open up in front of him again. The one that held the darker truths.

“We were together. After Karston died. Just once.”

Now it was Devin’s turn to fall silent.

“Devin? Are you there?” Cheryl said. “I need to hear your voice right now. I’m so scared. I just felt like I was lying to you and…”

Lying to the angels…

“I’ve got to go,” Devin said flatly.

“No, please. I need to talk to you.”

A feeling like a million fire ants chewing at his gut rose up in him.

“Yeah, well, right now I need some time,” he said. He felt cruel. He didn’t care. He pressed End and flung the phone into his bed, where it landed soundlessly against the folds of the bedspread.

It made sense, damn it. It made total sense. Cody was, well, Cody. Friendship or loyalty wouldn’t hold him back. It was Cheryl who was looking different to him now.

Two crooks and a slut…

The sound of his parents’ battle rose through the vents in his room. Shaking, Devin lay down on his bed, put his head in a pillow, and screamed. Once, twice, then when the third scream ripped his throat raw, he stopped.

Through the pillow, he heard his ring tone. Cheryl was trying to call him back. He turned the phone off, and the little light showing Cheryl’s number went dead. There was another beep from across the room, from his laptop. An image of Tunnel Vision filled the screen. Cody’s voice came through the speakers, low, harsh, and pointed:

No one’s pure, my love, love, love,

But if you cross the line,

Your deeds will call out to the wild,

And there won’t be much time.

Karston had stolen money from him. Cody had been amoral at best. Now Cheryl had cheated on him. That much of the song was right, no one was pure. But did it mean they were all condemned? What rules did the monster follow?

Monster. Maybe it was him. Maybe all the years he’d spent “straddling the fence” as Cody called it had welled up and out of him as this weird id-thing. Or maybe at least one of all the police theories was right, maybe Devin was psychotic, killing Karston and Cody himself and not remembering.

Curious, he got up and stepped closer to the screen, watching Cody twist in an impassioned performance with the rest of them dutifully backing. Cheryl was right; the dots were there again. They were swirling around Cody, focusing on his head, twirling frantically as if trying to get his attention.

The camera zoomed in for a close-up of the lead singer. Cody’s rough, handsome face filled the screen. The