Maybe someday.
Maybe not.
For the second time in a week the doorbell rang.
Everything was different this time. Matt, Dad, Alex, and Charlie were outside chopping trees. Jon and Julie were in the back of the sunroom. Julie’s tutoring Jon in Spanish, which he’s developed a mad desire to learn in the past couple of days. Syl was upstairs while Mom and Lisa were sitting cross-legged on the mattress, talking about what supplies Dad and Lisa could take to Mrs. Nesbitt’s house. Gabriel was lying in his crib, taking it all in. And I was giving the kitchen a thorough cleaning, which is a lot easier with running water, even if the water is gray.
I looked out the kitchen window and saw Mr. Danworth standing at the back door. I was the farthest one away but the only one standing, so I walked over and let him in.
“I thought I’d pay a call on the baby,” he said, which I knew meant “I thought I’d come over and make sure there really is a baby that I gave up a week of my food for.”
“There he is,” I said, pointing to the crib that used to be Mom’s sweater drawer. “Gabriel, I’d like you to meet Mr. Danworth. He’s in charge of feeding your mommy.”
“Wow,” Mr. Danworth said, bending for inspection. “What a big boy you are. He’s quite the bruiser, isn’t he.” He turned around and saw Lisa. “You must be Sally Nesbitt,” he said.
Lisa smiled. “Isn’t he beautiful?” she said. “My Christmas miracle.”
“Your husband mentioned he was born on Christmas,” Mr. Danworth said. “Your family must have gone through a lot since then.”
“Everyone has,” Lisa said. “And we have Gabriel.”
“He’ll be crawling soon,” Mr. Danworth said. “Getting ready to explore the world.”
Lisa nodded. “He’s going to make the world a better place,” she said. “Not just for me, for all of us. He was born for a reason, I’m sure of it.”
“That wouldn’t surprise me one bit,” Mr. Danworth said. He looked over our little domestic scene. “Hello, Laura,” he said to Mom. “And Jon. Good to see you. Who’s your friend, Jon?”
“I’m Julie,” she told him. She hesitated so slightly I may have been the only one to notice. “Dad and Alex and Uncle Charlie are outside,” she said. “With Matt. If you want to talk with them.”
“I’ll give them a quick hello on my way out,” Mr. Danworth said. “I can’t get over this baby. Bob and Miranda told me all about him, but before I saw him with my own eyes, well, frankly I couldn’t believe it. A baby here in Howell. It gives you faith.”
“Would you like to hold him?” Lisa asked. “Gabriel’s used to strangers. He won’t mind.”
“Can I?” Mr. Danworth asked. He bent down and picked Gabriel up. Gabriel, who still screeches at the sight of me, smiled at Mr. Danworth and tried to take his glasses off to play with.
Mom and Lisa and Julie were all beaming like Gabriel had pushed the moon back into place. Even Jon was grinning.
“You’re quite the fella, aren’t you,” Mr. Danworth said. “You know, I could be holding the president of the United States in my arms right now. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit.”
Gabriel made some kind of gurgling noise in agreement, and everyone laughed. Well, everyone except me.
Because for the first time I really thought about Gabriel’s future. If he exists, other babies must also. But how many of them will survive the next year, the next decade? I’ve had sixteen good years and one horrible one, but for Gabriel, for all the Gabriels, their whole lives will be like my one horrible year. Only I had the good years to see me through. What will they have?
And I finally figured out why Mom is willing to give up so much for her ex-husband’s baby. Gabriel isn’t just Dad’s baby. He’s Dad’s future, Lisa’s future. He’s all our futures, even Mr. Danworth’s. Every day Gabriel lives and grows a little bigger, a little stronger, is a miracle.
I stood there, and it’s the stupidest thing, but tears started streaming down my face. It was Julie who walked over and gave me a hug.
“It’s all right,” she said. “You can love him, too.”
Chapter 10
Mom is madly happy that Jon is interested in schoolwork, so she’s taken over teaching him and Julie. Alex seems pleased that Julie’s getting any kind of instruction, and with Dad and Charlie around, Jon isn’t needed for the firewood anymore.
Mom asked both Syl and me if we wanted to join them, but neither one of us is interested in algebra. Lisa and Syl are doing Bible study, and in the evenings Dad and Charlie join them.
So I volunteered to get started on cleaning Mrs. Nesbitt’s house. All that domesticity was getting on my nerves.
Cleaning Mrs. Nesbitt’s is a big job, and tomorrow I’ll ask for volunteers. But for one day I figured being alone would be nice. The plan is for Dad, Lisa, and Gabriel to sleep in the kitchen, since that’s where the woodstove is, and Alex and Charlie will sleep in the parlor and Julie in the dining room. Then, when Alex and Julie leave, Charlie will move into the dining room, since that’s warmer.
But now even Mom doesn’t want Alex and Julie to go. She knows once they do, it’ll be back to chopping wood for Jon, and she’ll never be able to get him interested in schoolwork again. And I think she’s hoping Alex’s may-Is and thank-yous will rub off on me.
I don’t know how I feel about them staying. It still hurts me to look at Dad looking at them, seeing the pride and love in his eyes. It’s not like he looks at Matt or Jon or me any differently. Even Syl gets that same look. He loves all of us.
But he should love us more. He just should. We’re his children, not Alex and Julie.
But then I see Alex and Julie together, talking quietly, playing chess, and I know that if people had seen Matt with Jon or me, pre-Syl Matt, that is, they would have fallen in love with us the way Dad has with Alex and Julie. If it had been Matt and Jon and me and we didn’t have any parents, any family except each other, and people had reached out, included us in their families, it would have meant everything to us. It would have meant survival.
If I had to guess, I’d say Alex is going to move on, but he’ll let Julie stay with Dad and Lisa. Lisa’s counting on it, and now with Mom on her side I think the pressure will be too great for Alex. Especially with food coming in.
It wouldn’t be too bad if Julie stayed. She wouldn’t exactly be Baby Rachel, but I’ve adjusted to Syl, more or less. I could adjust to Julie.
Anyway, that’s what I told myself as I cleaned Mrs. Nesbitt’s kitchen and thought about how much my life has changed in just a single week.
I started out alone at Mrs. Nesbitt’s, which I liked, since it gave me more of a chance to feel sorry for myself. Just call me Cinderella Evans.
But then the wicked stepsisters (Syl and Julie) came over to help clean, which I don’t remember happening in Cinderella. What made it even worse is they’re both dynamos. When you’re alone in a freezing cold house, mopping and moping, you can take your time. But when there are two other people and they’re actually working, you have to pick up your pace and accomplish something.
So I was relieved when Alex showed up about an hour later. “I thought I’d go scavenge houses,” he said. “Miranda, would you mind coming along? You know the area and I don’t.”
Mind? Breaking into houses with the last living boy in America I’m not related to versus scrubbing every inch of a kitchen floor?
“No, that’s okay. I’ll go,” I said.
“Good,” Alex said. “Thank you.”
When other people say things like that, simple things like “good” and “thank you,” they smile. Alex didn’t
