Syl let Horton out on Wednesday morning. Matt says that was to protect Jon, so he wouldn’t be there when Horton died, but even if that’s true, it wasn’t Syl’s decision to make. Mom was so worried about us, she didn’t realize Horton was gone until Thursday.
Syl told her and Matt what she’d done, and Matt went over and told Jon. The two of them looked for hours before they found his body. Matt says he was maybe a hundred feet from the house. They just didn’t know where to look.
I’m not going to cry.
Matt went back to the house and got a towel and Horton’s favorite catnip mouse. He wrapped Horton up, and he and Jon buried him in Mom’s old flower garden. That was Thursday afternoon, and no one knew where we were or if we were okay.
And I didn’t know about Horton.
I hate Syl. I hate her doing this to Horton and to Jon and to Mom. It tears me up inside to think of Horton trying to get home but too weak to make it those last hundred feet. Or maybe that was as far as he ever got.
I knew he was dying. I think Jon knew it, too. But Horton should have been allowed to die in his own home. It was more his home than Syl’s.
Charlie must have seen us as we were walking over, because he ran to join us. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am,” he said to me. “About Horton. He was…” and he paused. “He was an excellent cat.”
“Thank you,” I said. “He really was.”
Charlie patted me on the arm and then went back to Matt.
Alex turned to me. “I’m sorry,” he said, “about your cat. I never had a pet, so I don’t know how you feel, but I can see how upset Jon is.”
“Horton was a member of our family,” I said. “It’s like losing a member of your family.”
Alex is like Syl, like Charlie. They don’t talk about their pasts, their families. I know he has an older brother and a younger sister, but he’s never told me what happened to his parents. And I don’t want to think about what he’s been through to make him so certain death could be preferable to life.
I have scars. No one alive today doesn’t. But Alex’s scars have to be much deeper than mine.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s different. But it still hurts so much.”
Alex nodded. “I wish you hadn’t come on the trip,” he said. “You could have been home, maybe done something.”
“Horton was dying,” I said. “It was a matter of time. I don’t like how he died. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive Syl. But it was good for me to go, to see what things are really like. I needed to know.”
“I thanked Christ you were with us,” Alex said. “I thanked Him for every hour, every minute, with you.”
“Do you mean that?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, Miranda,” he said. “I’m not good at loving people. I know you’re supposed to want what’s best for them, but all I want is you.”
“I’m here,” I said, reaching out for his hand to touch. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“But I am,” he said. “I’ve got to find a place for Julie.”
“Her place is here,” I said. “Your place is here.”
“We live on charity here,” Alex said. “Your family’s charity. The town’s charity. Charity doesn’t last.”
“There’s a difference between charity and love,” I said. “What we’re offering is love. Love lasts forever.”
“It only lasts if there’s something given in return,” Alex said. “I helped find food, the van. I gave your family things they needed. But now all I do is take. That wasn’t what I was taught, to take and not give. We have to go, Miranda. As soon as Julie’s ready, we’ll leave.”
“Just think about it,” I said.
“It’s all I ever think about,” he said. “Now come. Get Jon. It’s not good for Julie having him here.”
I followed him into the house. Gabriel was crying, and Lisa was trying to soothe him. “Julie and Jon are in the parlor,” she said. “It’s okay. Hal’s with them.”
I felt like an idiot. It took me until then to realize why Alex was so determined to separate Jon and Julie. Jon’s almost fifteen; Julie’s almost fourteen. They’re not just talking about baseball.
But when we walked into the parlor, they weren’t talking about anything. Jon and Julie were reading textbooks, and Dad was looking straight at them.
I haven’t seen Jon since I got home. I didn’t know what to say to him. All I knew was I couldn’t cry and I couldn’t tell him how angry I was at Syl.
“Hi, Julie,” I said after I gave Dad a hello kiss. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay,” she said. “I think I had a cold, but I’ve been okay since we got back.”
“She’s been coughing a little,” Dad said. “But she’s feeling better.”
“Good,” I said. “Hi, Jon.”
Jon looked up at me. “I’m not going home,” he said. “I don’t care what you say.”
“I haven’t said anything,” I pointed out.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m not going home. Not while she’s there.”
“Her name is Syl,” Dad said. “And you’re going to have to forgive her sometime.”
“I’m never going to forgive her,” Jon said. “You can’t make me.”
“Syl let Horton die,” Julie said, like this was going to be news to me. “Jon hates her for that.”
“Julie, shut up,” Alex said. “This isn’t our business.”
“Don’t talk to her that way!” Jon screamed.
“Jon,” Dad said. Gabriel howled in the background.
“No!” Jon yelled. “I hate all of you. Julie and I are going away. We’re going to a safe town. We’ll never see any of you again.”
“You’re not going anywhere, Jon,” Dad said. “You’re too young to travel on your own, and Alex won’t let Julie go. There’s no safe town in your future. You need connections to get passes. You can’t buy them like movie tickets.”
“We won’t have to buy them,” Jon said. “Alex has some. Julie told me. He’s not using them, so we will.”
I had no idea what Jon was talking about, but it was obvious Alex did. “You told him?” he said to Julie, sounding like he couldn’t possibly believe she had. But then he must have believed it because he started shouting at her in Spanish, and she yelled right back.
“Stop it!” Dad said. “All of you. Right now!”
It was like a game of frozen statues. None of us moved.
I’ve never seen Dad so angry. “You have passes for a safe town?” he asked Alex. “What are you planning to trade them for? A truck ride to Ohio while your sister coughs to death?”
Alex looked like Dad had punched him. Then he raced out of the room, out of the house. Julie jumped up and ran after him.
“Go home, Jon,” Dad said. “Go home with Miranda.”
“I won’t,” Jon said.
“Stop acting like a child,” Dad said. “I won’t have it anymore.”
“Please,” I said to Jon. “I need you. I hate it there without you.”
There was a moment when I didn’t know what he would do. Jon’s been so strong the past year. He’s grown up so much. But there’s a part of him that’s still a kid.
Jon nodded. He didn’t say anything more, but when we went outside, he ran to Julie. She took his hand, and after a moment’s hesitation they started toward our house.
Alex watched as they walked away. He didn’t move as I approached him.
“What’s all this about?” I asked. “You have passes to a safe town? Does that mean you and Julie could be living in one?”
“It doesn’t concern you,” he said.
“If it concerns you, it concerns me,” I said. “Honestly, Alex. What do I have to do to prove that to you?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. He reached out and held me tightly. When our lips met, I felt like I knew everything about him. But of course there’s so much I don’t know.
“The safe town,” I said, breaking away from him. “The passes.”
