knocked out of him. No wonder the goblin chief had fallen; those tantrums were potent!
His head gradually cleared. Smash found himself sitting down, little clouds of confusion dissipating.
Tandy was beside him, hugging him as well as she could with her small arms. 'Oh, I'm so sorry. Smash.
I shouldn't have done that! I know you're only trying to be reasonable.'
'Ogres aren't reasonable,' he muttered.
'It's just that-one of us-how can we ever callously throw one to the wolves? To the birds, I mean. It just isn't right!'
'I don't know,' he said. 'We'll have to work it out.'
'I wish we had the wand,' she said.
The Siren came to them. 'We do have the Ear,' she reminded them.
'There is that,' Tandy agreed. 'Let me hear it.' She took the Gap Dragon's Ear and listened carefully.
'Silent,' she reported.
Smash took it from her and listened. For him, too, it was silent. Chem had no better result. 'I fear it has gone dead-or we have no future,' she said. 'Nowhere to go.'
John was the last to listen. Her face brightened. 'I hear something!' she exclaimed. 'Singing-fairies singing. There must be fairies nearby!'
'Well, that's what you're looking for,' the Siren said. 'Let's see if they're within Birdland. Maybe we can get some advice on how to proceed.'
There seemed to be nothing better to do. Smash lurched to his feet, amazed at the potency of Tandy's tantrum; he still felt weak. An ogress could hardly have hit him harder! Yet more than that, he marveled at her quick reversal of mood. She had been almost savagely impetuous-then humanly sorry. Too bad, he mused, she hadn't been born an ogress. That tantrum-it also reminded him a bit of one of his mother's curses. He shook his head. Foolish fantasy was pointless. He had to clear his reeling noggin, and get moving, and find Tandy a good human-type husband so the demon wouldn't bother her any more. Good Magician Humfrey must have known that there would be a suitable man for her somewhere in this wilderness, a man she would never encounter unless she traveled here. Since Smash was passing this way anyway, it had been easy enough to take her along. The truth was, she was nice enough company, tiny and temperamental as she was. He had not had much company like that before and was becoming acclimated to it. He knew this was un-ogrish; maybe such ridiculous feelings would pass when he got rid of the Eye Queue curse.
They proceeded on, following John, who used the Ear to orient on the fairies. The rocs paced them; they would not be able to depart Birdland without paying their poll toll. One body...
Actually, Smash might have a way around that. If he went back into the gourd and fought the Night Stallion and lost, his soul would be forfeit pretty soon, and there would be no point in proceeding north.
So in that event, he might as well stay here himself. The only problem was, how Would the others survive without him? He had no confidence that they were beyond the worst of the dangers of central Xanth.
As they continued, they saw more and more birds. Some were brightly plumed, some drab; some large, some small;
some ferocious of aspect with huge and knifelike beaks, some meek with soft little feathers. There were bright bluebirds, dull blackbirds, and brightly dull spotted birds. There were fat round robins and thin pour- beakers.
They went on. There were ruffled grouse, angrily complaining about things, godwits making profane jokes, sandpipers playing little fifes on the beach, black rails lying in parallel rows on the ground, oven birds doing the morning baking, mourning doves sobbing uncontrollably, goshawks staring with amazement, a crane hauling up loads of stones, and several big old red barn owls filled with hay. Nearby were grazing cowbirds and cattle egrets, and a catbird was stalking a titmouse, tail swishing.
'Birds are funny folk,' the Siren murmured. 'I never realized there was so much variety.'
In due course they came to the palace of the Kingbird. 'Better bow good and low,' the parrot advised.
'His Highness the Bird of a Feather, the ruler of Xanth, First on the Pecking Order, doesn't appreciate disrespect from inferiors.'
'Ruler of Xanth!' Chem cried. 'What about the centaurs?'
'What about King Trent?' Tandy asked.
'Who?' the parrot asked.
'The human ruler of Xanth, in Castle Roogna.'
'Never heard of him. The Kingbird governs.'
Smash realized that to the birds, the bird species dominated Xanth. To the goblins, the goblins governed.
The same was probably true for the dragons, griffins, flies, and other species. And who could say they were wrong? Each species honored its own leaders. Smash, an ogre, was quite ready to be objective about the matter. When in Birdland, do as the birdbrains did.
He bowed to the Kingbird, as he would have done to the human King of Xanth. To each his own mark of honor.
The Kingbird was reading a tome titled Avion Artifacts by Omith O'Logy, and had no interest in the visitors. Soon Smash's party was on its way again.
They came to a large field filled with pretty flowers. 'These are our birdseed plants,' the parrot explained. 'We have wormfarms and fishfarms and funnybonefarms, and make periodic excursions to Flyland for game, but the bulk of our food comes from fields like this. We are not apt at cultivation-birdshot doesn't seem to do well for us-so we draw on the abilities of lesser creatures like yourselves.'
Indeed, Smash saw assorted creatures toiling in the field. There were a few goblins, an elf, a brownie, a gremlin, a nixie, and a sprite. They were obviously slaves, yet they seemed cheerful and healthy enough, acclimated to their lot.
Then Smash had a notion. 'John, listen to the Ear again.'
The fairy did so. 'The waterfall noise almost drowns it out, but I think I hear the fairies close by.' She oriented on the sound, going in the direction it got louder, the others following. They rounded a gentle hill, descended into a waterfall-fed gully, and came across the fairies.
They were mending feathers. It seemed some of the birds were too impatient to wait for new feathers to grow, so they had the damaged ones repaired. Only fairies could do such delicate work. Each had a little table with tiny tools, so that the intricate work could be done. And most of them had damaged wings.
'The birds-' Tandy said, appalled. 'They crippled the fairies so they can't fly away!'
'Not so,' the parrot said. 'We do not mutilate our workers, because then they get depressed and do a poor job. Rather, we offer sanctuary for those who are dissatisfied elsewhere. Most of these fairies were cast out of Fairyland.'
Tandy was suspicious. She approached the nearest working fairy. 'Is this true?' she asked. 'Do you like it here?'
The fairy was a male, finely featured in the manner of his kind. He paused, looking up from his feather.
'Oh, it's a living,' he said. 'Since I lost my wings, I couldn't make it in Fairyland. So I have to settle for what I can get. No monsters attack me here, no one teases me for my wing handicap, there's plenty of food, and the work is not arduous. I'd rather be flying, of course-but let's be realistic. Ill never fly again.'
Smash saw one fairy down the line with undamaged wings. 'What about him?' he asked. 'Why doesn't he fly away?'
The fairy frowned. 'He has a private complaint. Don't bother him.'
But Smash was in pursuit of his notion. 'Would it relate to his name?'
'Look,' the fairy said, 'we aren't trying to aggravate your condition, so why do you bother us? Leave him alone.'
John had caught on. 'Oh, Smash-I'm afraid to ask!'
'I'm an insensitive ogre,' Smash said. 'I'll ask.' He tromped over to the fairy in question. 'Me claim he name,' he said in his stupid fashion.
The fairy naturally assumed the ogre was as dull as he was supposed to be. It was all right to tell secrets to stupid folk, because they didn't know enough to laugh. 'I am called Joan,' he said. 'Now go away, monster.' Smash dropped his pretense. 'That must be as embarrassing for you as intelligence is for an ogre,' he said.
