'No. Not really.' It was a bleak admission.
'Is that why you're hesitating now? Is that why you haven't rung him?'
'If all our conjectures are true, I would be unwilling to unload such a burden of guilt onto my worst enemy.'
'Archie, that's not your-'
She stopped abruptly, raised her head to listen. From beyond the closed door could be heard footsteps coming down the hall.
'Mum!' It was Lucilla.
'We're in the study.'
The door opened a crack. 'Can I come in? I'm not disturbing you, am I?'
'No, of course not, darling. Come in.'
Lucilla closed the door behind her. She looked as though she had been crying, but had dried her tears. Archie held out his arm to her, and she took his hand and bent to kiss his cheek. She -said, 'I am so dreadfully sorry.' She sat on the edge of the desk, facing her parents. She said, 'I've got something to tell you. And it's very sad, and I hope you won't be too distressed…'
'Is it about Pandora?'
'Yes. I've found out why she did it.' Waiting, they watched their daughter. 'You see… she had terminal cancer.'
Her voice was quiet, but quite calm and firm. Isobel looked into Lucilla's face and saw there, behind the youthful features, a great inner strength, and knew that, at nineteen, she had quite suddenly grown up. The child was gone forever. Lucilla would never be her child again.
'Cancer?'
'Yes.'
'How do you know?'
'When Jeff and I went to stay with her in Majorca, the afternoon we arrived, there was a man with her called Carlos Macaya. I told you about him, Dad. He was very attractive, and Jeff and I were convinced he was her current lover. But he wasn't. He was her doctor. It was Jeff who remembered him, and suggested that we ring him up, just in case he knew something that we didn't know. We found his name and his telephone number in her address book, and it was then that we realized that he was a doctor, and not just a friend. So we put the call through, to Majorca, and spoke to him. And he told us everything.'
'Had he been taking care of her?'
'Yes. But I think he found it a fairly difficult and thankless task. He realized that something was wrong when she started getting so thin, but he had a hard time of it getting her to agree to a consultation. And even then, she wouldn't face up to reality or keep appointments. By the time he finally managed to get her into his surgery, she had sat on her illness for a long time. As well, he discovered a carcinoma on one of her breasts. He did a needle biopsy, and sent it off to the hospital in Palma for a pathology report. It was malignant, and may well have spread. So he went to see Pandora and tell her that she would have to have surgery, a mastectomy, and then a course of chemotherapy. That was what he was telling her the day Jeff and I turned up. But she flatly refused. She said that nothing would induce her to have surgery, and nothing would induce her to endure the subsequent treatment, radiation, chemotherapy. He could give her no real hope of a total cure… the disease was too far along,
I suppose… but he did tell her that if she went her own way, her expectation of life was not very long.'
'Was she in pain?'
'Some. She was taking medication. Quite strong drugs. That's why she was always so tired. I don't think she suffered a great deal, but of course, in time, it would have got very bad.'
'Cancer.' Archie said the word, and it had about it the toll of finality. The end. The double line drawn at the foot of a column of figures. 'I never thought. I never had the faintest suspicion. But we should have guessed. There was nothing of her. We should have known…'
'Oh, Dad…'
'Why didn't she
'No, you couldn't have helped. And she would never have told you. Don't you see, the last thing she wanted was for you and Mum to know. She just wanted to be back at Croy, and everything just the way it used to be. September. And parties, and little shopping sprees to Relkirk, and people coming and going and the house full of guests. No sadness. No talk of dying. And that's what you gave her. Verena's dance was the perfect, timely excuse for Pandora to come home and to accomplish what 1 think she had planned all along.'
'Did the doctor know this?'
'Not for certain. But he did say that he would never have allowed her to make that journey through Spain and France if Jeff and I had not been with her.'
'But he guessed what she had in mind?'
'I don't know. I couldn't ask. But I expect that he did. He knew her very well. And I think that he was very fond of her.'
Archie said, 'How could he have let her simply go away?'
'You mustn't blame Carlos, Dad. He did everything he could to persuade her to go to hospital, to try to make her grasp her only chance, however slight. But she was simply adamant.'
'So she came home to die?'
'Not just that. She came home to be with you, to be at Croy. To give us all a good time, and lovely presents, and to make us laugh. She came back to her childhood and the places she remembered and loved. The house, the glen, the hills, the loch. If you think about it, it was a very brave thing to do. But that doesn't make it any easier for you. I'm sorry. I've hated telling you. I just hope it makes it all a bit easier to understand.' Lucilla fell silent, thinking about this. Then she said, and her voice, which had been so strong, suddenly wavered. 'Not that understanding helps very much.' Isobel saw her face crumple like a child's and tears fill her eyes and overflow and stream down her cheeks. 'She was so sweet to Jeff and me… we had such a good time together… and now it feels as though a light has gone out of all our lives…'
'Oh, darling.' Isobel could not bear it. She went to Lucilla, put her arms around her daughter's thin and heaving shoulders. 'I know. I'm so sorry. And you've been so brave… but you're not alone, because we're all going to miss her. And I think we must be grateful that she did come home. How awful if we had never seen her again. You brought her back to us, even if it was only for just a little time…'
After a bit, Lucilla calmed down and stopped crying. Isobel gave her a handkerchief, and she blew her nose. She said, 'I've already had one blub, and I'd hoped that was the last of it. You see, Jeff asked me to go back to Australia with him, and I'm not going to go. For some idiotic reason that made me cry as well…'
'Oh, Lucilla…'
'I'm going to stay home for a bit. If you and Dad can stand having me under your feet.'
'I can't think of anything we would love more.'
'Nor me.'
Lucilla gave her mother a watery smile, blew her nose in a final sort of way, and got to her feet. She said, 'I'll leave you two together. But, Dad, please come soon and eat some breakfast. You'll feel better then.'
'I'll come,' he promised her.
She went to the door. 'I'll make certain those two greedy men haven't helped themselves to all the bacon.' She smiled. 'Don't be too long.'
'I won't, my darling. And thank you.'
She was gone, leaving Isobel and Archie with only each other. After a bit, Isobel left Archie's side and went over to the long window. Beyond lay the garden, the croquet lawn, and the squeaky old swing-seat. The sun had not yet reached the grass, and it was still damp with the night's dew. She saw the silver birches, their leaves turned to gold. Soon the leaves would drop, and the branches be stripped bare for the winter.
She said, 'Poor Pandora. But 1 think I understand.'
She looked up at the hills, the sky, and saw the rain-clouds looming, blowing in from the west. Sun at seven, rain at eleven. They had had the best of the day.
'Archie.'
'Yes.'
'This exonerates Edmund, doesn't it?'
