September

some sort of a possession, a toy I wanted to go on playing with. I begged and pleaded and finally had that dreadful row with Edmund, but nothing made any difference. It was like arguing with a brick wall. Brick walls don't love, Vi. That isn't love.'

'I shouldn't say this, but 1 am on your side as far as Henry is concerned. However, he is Edmund's child, and I truly believe that Edmund is doing what he thinks best for Henry.'

'And then this week he swanned off to New York, just when I really needed him here. Taking Henry to Templehall and leaving the poor little scrap was the worst thing I've ever had to do in the whole of my life.'

'Yes,' said Vi inadequately. 'Yes, I know.' They fell silent. Violet considered the miserable situation, went back in her mind on all they had been saying. And then realized that there was a small discrepancy. She said, 'Virginia, all this happened on Monday. But you came to see me today. Has something else occurred?'

'Oh.' Virginia bit her lip. 'Yes. Yes, it has.'

'Lottie again?' Violet scarcely dared to ask.

'Yes. Lottie. You see… Vi, you remember last Sunday, having lunch at Croy and all of us teasing Isobel about her house guest, the Sad American? Well, on my way back from Templehall, I stopped off at the King's Hotel to go to the loo, and I met him there. And I know him. I know him quite well. He's called Conrad Tucker and we used to play tennis together in Leesport, about twelve years ago.'

This was about the most cheerful thing Violet had been told since Virginia appeared. She said, 'But how very nice.'

'Anyway, we had dinner together, and then it seemed silly, his staying in Relkirk when he was coming to Croy the next day, so he came back to Balnaid with me, and stayed there. I took him up to Croy this morning and left him with Archie. And then I went to Corriehill with some flower vases for Verena. And then I came home and I found Lottie in the kitchen.'

'In the kitchen at Balnaid?'

'Yes. She was waiting for me. She told me… that last night she'd been at Balnaid, standing in the garden, in the dark and the rain, when Conrad and I came back. She watched us. Through the windows. None of the curtains were drawn. She watched us going upstairs…' Virginia met Violet's horrified gaze, opened her mouth and shut it again. Finally, she said, 'She called me a whore. Called Conrad a fancy man. Raved on about lust and fornica' tion…'

'She is obsessed.'

'She must go, or she will tell Edmund.' Before Violet's eyes, Virginia all at once went to pieces, her face crumpling like a child's, tears brimming into her blue eyes and overflowing, streaming down her cheeks. 'I can't bear any more, Vi. I can't bear everything being so horrible. She's like a witch, and she hates me so much… I don't know why she hates me…'

She groped for a handkerchief but could not find one, so Violet handed over her own, lawn and lace-trimmed and little use for damming such a flood of misery.

'She is jealous of you. Jealous of all normal happiness… As for telling Edmund, he will know, as we all know, that it is nothing but a pack of lies.'

'But that's just it,' Virginia wailed. 'It's true. That's what's so ghastly. It's true.'

'True?'

'I did sleep with Conrad. I went to bed with him because I wanted to, and I wanted him to make love to me.'

'But why?'

'Oh, Vi. I suppose we needed each other.'

It was a desperate admission, and watching her weeping daughter-in-law, Violet found herself flooded with compassion. That Virginia, of all people, should have been driven to such lengths was a clear indication of the state that her marriage had been allowed to reach. But, thinking it over, it was perfectly understandable. The man, Conrad Tucker or whatever he was called, had just lost his wife. Virginia, in a turmoil over Edmund's motivations, had just lost her beloved son. They were old friends. For comfort, people turned to old friends. She was a desirable woman, sexual and attractive, and the American was in all probability a personable man. But still, Violet wished, beyond all else, that it had never happened. More than that, she wished that she had never been told.

Only one essential stood out, crystal-clear.

She said, 'You must never tell Edmund.'

Virginia blew her nose on the sodden handkerchief. 'Is that all you have to say?'

'It's the only important thing to say.'

'No reproaches? No recriminations?'

'What took place is none of my affair.'

'It was wrong.'

'But, under the circumstances, understandable.'

'Oh, Vi.' Virginia slipped out of the chair, onto her knees, put her arms around Violet and buried her face in Violet's considerable bosom. 'I'm sorry.'

Violet laid a hand on her hair. She said sadly, 'We are all of us human.'

For a little, they stayed as they were, comforted by closeness. Virginia's sobs gradually stilled. Presently, she drew away from Violet and sat back on her heels. She blew her nose in a final sort of fashion.

She said, 'There's just one more thing, Vi. When Edmund's back, and the dance is all over, I'm thinking of going back to Long Island for a little. To stay with Gramps and Grandma. I need to get away. I've been wanting to go for some months but it never worked out, and now that I have no Henry, it seems a good time.'

'And Edmund?'

'I thought… Edmund could stay with you?'

'When did you think of leaving?'

'Next week?'

'Is that wise?'

'You tell me.'

'Just remember that you can't run away from reality any more than you can run away from guilt.'

'Reality being Edmund and Pandora?'

'I didn't say that.'

'But that's what you're thinking, isn't it? You just told me she'd always been in love with him. And I'm certain that she's no less beautiful now than she was at eighteen. And they share something that I can't share with Edmund, which is a thousand memories of youth. And in a funny way, those are always the most enduring and the most important.'

'You are important, and I don't think you should leave Edmund just now.'

'I've never minded before. All the times he has to go away and leave me, I've never known jealousy or worried about what he was up to. I tell him I don't care what he does provided I don't have to watch him doing it. A joke. But it's not a joke now. If anything's going to happen, I don't want to be a witness.'

'You underestimate your friends, Virginia. Do you imagine that Archie would stand by and watch, and do nothing?'

'If Edmund wants his own way, then Archie would be no match for him.'

'Pandora will not stay at Croy for ever.'

'But she's there now. And now is going to be my problem.'

'Do you dislike her?'

'I think she's charming.'

'But you don't trust her?'

'At the moment I don't trust anybody, least of all myself. I need to stand back, make a re-appraisal, get things in perspective. That's why I'm going back to the States.'

'I still think that you shouldn't go.'

'I think I have to.'

There did not seem to be anything more to be said. Violet sighed. 'In that case, we'll talk no more about it. Instead, we must be practical and take steps. One thing, very clear, is that Lottie must go. Back to hospital. She is