The Fifth Elephant

well, because Gavin was growling continuously under his breath.

Carrot came back from the next corner.

'There's dwarfs on guard all round the embassy,' he said. 'They don't look open to negotiation, sir.'

Vimes looked down. They were standing on a grating.

Captain Tantony of the Bonk Watch was not happy with this duty. He'd been at the opera last night, and later on he'd thought he saw things happening in a way which, the burgomaster had instructed him, hadn't happened. Of course, the thing to do was obey orders. You were safe if you obeyed orders. Everyone in the watch knew that. But these didn't feel like safe orders.

He'd heard they did things differently in Ankh-Morpork. Milord Vimes would arrest anyone, they said.

Tantony had set up a desk in the embassy's hall so that he could keep an eye on the main doors. He'd taken some pains to position his men around the inside of the building; he didn't trust the dwarfs on guard outside. They'd said they'd got orders to kill Vimes on sight, and that didn't make any sense. There had to be some sort of a trial, didn't there?

There was a faint noise from upstairs. He stood up carefully and reached for his crossbow. 'Corporal Svetlz?'

There was another little sound. Tantony went to the bottom of the stairs.

Vimes appeared at the top of them. There was blood on his shirt, and crusted on the side of his face. To the captain's horror he began to walk down the steps.

'I will shoot you!'

'That's the order, is it?' said Vimes.

'Yes! Stop there!'

'But if I'm going to be shot anyway there's no point in stopping, is there?' said Vimes. 'I don't think you're the kind to do that, captain. You've got a brain.' Vimes steadied himself on the banister rail. 'Shouldn't you have called for the rest of the guards by now, by the way?'

'I tell you to stop!'

'You know who I am. If you're going to fire that damn thing, do it now. But first, I suggest it would be a really good career move to tug the bellpull over there. What's the worst that would happen? You've still got the bow pointed at me. There's something you really ought to know.'

Tantony gave him a suspicious look but took a few steps sideways and tugged the rope.

Igor stepped out from behind a pillar. 'Yeth, marthter?'

'Tell this young man where he is, will you?'

'He'th in Ankh-Morpork, marthter,' said Igor calmly.

'See?' said Vimes. 'And don't glare at Igor like that. I missed it when he welcomed me here, but it's true. This is an embassy, my son,' he went on, walking forwards again, 'and that means it's officially on the soil of the home country. Welcome to Ankh-Morpork. There's thousands of Uberwald people living in our city. You don't want to go starting a war, do you?'

'But... but... they said... my orders... you are a criminal!'

'The word is accused, captain. We don't kill people in Ankh-Morpork just because they're accused. Well, not on purpose. And not because someone tells us to.'

Vimes took the crossbow out of Tantony's unresisting hands and fired it into the ceiling.

'Now send your men away,' he said.

'I'm in Ankh-Morpork?' said the captain.

Even in his current state Vimes thought he recognized the harmonics.

'That's right,' he said, putting an arm around him. 'A city which, incidentally, always has a job in the Watch for a young man of ability—'

Tantony's body stiffened. He pushed Vimes's arm away. 'You insult me, milord. This is my country!'

'Ah.' Vimes was aware of Carrot and Angua watching from the landing.

'But I will not see it dishonoured, either,' said the captain. 'This isn't right. I saw what happened last night. You swept up the King and your troll caught the chandelier! And then they said you'd tried to kill the King and you'd killed dwarfs when you escaped...'

'Are you in charge of the Watch here?'

'No. That's the job of the burgomaster.'

'And who gives him his orders?'

'Everyone,' said Tantony bitterly. Vimes nodded. Been there, he thought. Been there, done that, bought the doublet...

'Are you going to stop me taking my people out of here?'

'How can you do that? The dwarfs surround us!'

'We're going to use... diplomatic channels. Just show me where everyone is, and we'll be off. If it's any help I can hit you over the head and tie you up...'

'That will not be required. The dwarf and the troll are in the cellar. Her ladyship is... I assume she's wherever the Baron took her.'

Vimes felt the little trickle of superheated ice down his spine. 'Took her?' he said hoarsely.

'Well, yes.' Tantony stepped back from Vimes's expression. 'She knew the Baroness, sir! She said they were old friends! She said they could sort it all out! And then...' Tantony's voice became a mumble, seared into silence by the look on Vimes's face.

When Vimes spoke, it was in a monotone as threatening as a spear.

'You are standing there in your shiny breastplate and your silly helmet and your sword without a single notch in the blade and your stupid trousers and you are telling me that you let my wife be taken away by werewolves?'

Tantony took a step backwards. 'It was the Baron—'

'And you don't argue with barons. Right. You don't argue with anyone. Do you know what? I'm ashamed, ashamed to think that something like you is called a watchman. Now give me those keys.'

The man had gone red.

'You've obeyed any orders,' said Vimes. 'Don't... even... think... about... disobeying... that... one.'

Carrot reached the bottom of the stairs and put a hand on Vimes's shoulder.

'Steady, Mister Vimes.'

Tantony looked from one to the other and made a life decision.

'I hope you... find your lady, milord.' He produced a bunch of keys and handed them over. 'I really do.'

Vimes, still fighting for breath, wordlessly passed the keys to Carrot. 'Let them out,' he said.

'Are you going to the werewolves' castle?' Tantony panted.

'Yes.'

'You won't stand a chance, milord. They do as they please.'

'Then they've got to be stopped.'

'You can't. The old one understood the rules, but Wolfgang, he doesn't obey anything!'

'All the more reason to stop him, then. Ah, Detritus.' The troll saluted. 'You've got your bow, I see. Treated you well, did they?'

'Dey called me a ficko troll,' said Detritus darkly. 'One of dem kicked me inna rocks.' 'Was it this one?'

'No.'

'But he is their captain,' said Vimes, stepping away from Tantony. 'Sergeant, I order you: shoot him down.'

In one movement the troll had the crossbow balanced on his shoulder and was sighting along the massive package of arrows. Tantony went pale.

'Well, go on,' said Vimes. 'It was an order, sergeant.'

Detritus lowered the bow. 'I ain't dat fick, sir.'

'I gave you an order!'

'Den you can do wid dat order what Boulder der Lintel did wid his bag of gravel, sir! Wid respect,