Undercurrent

bells, like gently imploring words drifting on the sweet spring air. Sunday morning. The loneliest time of the week, if you're alone to begin with. And the Sunday morning following a bad Saturday, a Saturday filled with blood and death and sorrow, is the worst kind of lonely there is.

When the telephone bell went off, I jumped a little and cut myself. I had a fine set of nerves. I tore off a piece of toilet paper and dabbed at the pustule of blood as I went out and hooked the receiver off the unit on the nightstand. I gave my name, and a woman's voice- sweet and low, like the old blues song, and painfully melancholy, too, like the voice of Billie Holiday-said hesitatingly, 'I… this is Judith Paige.'

I tried to think of something to say, but I had no words. There are no words. It was an awkward moment, and I wished she had not called; and yet, I was relieved that she had.

I said finally, to break the deepening stillness, 'Are you here in Cypress Bay, Mrs. Paige?'

'Yes. I flew down to Monterey last night, with the San Francisco officer who… came to tell me what happened.'

'I couldn't call you,' I said. 'It was out of my hands.'

'You mustn't apologize. I understand.'

'Did they treat you all right?'

'Everyone has been very kind.'

'You talked with Chief Quartermain?'

'Yes. He met us at the airport last night.'

'Is there anything… definite yet?'

'I don't think so. He promised to tell me as soon as there was.' Tremulous breath. 'Can I… talk to you? I mean, would you come here for a little while?'

I did not want to stand face to face with her grief, but there was no way I could turn her down. 'Yes,' I said. 'Where are you?'

'The Bay Head Inn. Room five.'

'I'll be there as soon as I can.'

I left the cottage ten minutes later, fully shaved. The sunlight was warm and effulgent, and the glare stabbed at my eyes like sharpened fingernails. The day was sharply voluble with the barking of sea lions and the screaming of gulls and cormorants and loons and the drifting sound of distant laughter. The bay was speckled with the whiteness of sails and with golden threads woven by the rising sun. Idyllic Sunday morning: illusion, concealing human folly and human despair. Or maybe I just had a hard-on for the world today.

I crossed to the motel office, and there were two cars just leaving the grounds-travelers moving on, as travelers do, or nervous vacationers fleeing the onus of prolonged association with violent death. I went inside, and Orchard was not on duty; his place had been taken by a plump, matronly woman wearing a bright dress and a brighter smile. If she knew what had happened at the Beachwood the previous night and the part I had played in it-and she must have known-she was not letting on about it. Her greeting was cordial and professional. I told her I would probably be staying another full day, if not the night itself, and got a street map of the area from her and asked her where I could find the Bay Head Inn. She told me, and I found the street on the map; it was a couple of blocks off Grove Avenue, in the heart of the village.

I was there in five minutes, and the inn was an Old Spanish-style building three stories high, with wrought- iron balconies and a tile roof and a whitewashed adobe facade grown with ivy and shaded by tall Monterey pines. A slender clerk told me where Room 5 was located, and I went up a curving iron-railed staircase to the second floor and stopped in front of the door with Five spelled in black iron. I knocked softly. She said my name in there, questioningly; when I confirmed it, she told me to come in, the door was unlocked.

I depressed the antique latch and stepped into a long, large room darkened against the brilliancy of the morning; sunlight and spring, like laughter by the side of a grave, make a mockery of grief. Judith was sitting in a saddle chair studded with black rail-spike heads, her legs tucked under her, her face a white oval in the room's half- light. She wore a simple black dress, and no make-up that I could see; the blond hair was limp, uncombed. She looked like a sad, lost little girl, sitting there that way, her hands folded in her lap. You could sense the feeling of privation in the dark silence, like the essence of vanished youth and faded memories that lingers in the room of a very old gentlewoman.

I shut the door, and she said 'Thank you for coming' in that low, painful voice. She watched me as I crossed to the second of the two chairs and sat down and tried to find something to do with my hands.

I said inadequately, 'I'm sorry, Mrs. Paige.'

'Yes,' she said. 'I know that.'

'Is there anything I can do?'

'That was what I wanted to ask you. Can you… help the police in some way?'

I had been afraid of that sort of response to my question, because there was only one answer I could give her. I said, 'I don't think so, Mrs. Paige. The authorities don't like private individuals involving themselves in murder investigations. And I have no facilities of my own, even if I could get permission to look into it.'

'I see.' She looked beyond me, to something only she could see. 'Why would anyone kill him?'

'I don't know, Mrs. Paige.'

'He had no enemies. He was very easygoing.'

You only knew him for a few months, I thought. I said, 'The police will find out who it was. And why it was. It will only be a matter of time.' The words seemed hollow as I spoke them.

'There's a chance it was a woman, isn't there?'

I couldn't lie to her. 'Yes, there's a chance.'

'If I knew at least that much,' she said, 'I might be able to feel something. I don't feel anything now. I mean, I feel numb now. I can't cry anymore and I can't think any more.'

I said nothing; what can you say?

Seconds went by, like furtive footsteps, and then she said, 'I have to know. I don't think I can live with it if I don't know why he died.'

'You have to live with it,' I said, 'with or without the answer. You can't hide from it and you can't run away from it.'

'I know. I… know.'

'What will you do, later on? Will you go back to Idaho?'

'I suppose I will. I have nowhere else to go.'

'Do you have family there?'

'Yes.'

'They'll make it easier for you, if you let them.'

'Thank you, I know they will.'

I felt uneasy. 'I didn't mean to preach, Mrs. Paige.'

'No, you're being very practical. I need that just now.'

I wanted my first cigarette of the day, but tobacco smoke would have been as inappropriate in there as the sunlight. I said, 'Did the police ask you about the man I saw with your husband yesterday?'

'Several times.'

'You don't know him, then?'

'No. I'm very certain I don't.'

'And you've never seen a man of that description?'

'Not that I can recall.'

'Did your husband mention Cypress Bay at any time?'

She moved her head slightly in a negative way. 'I had no idea there was such a place. I had to ask the officer who came last night where it was.'

'Did he keep an address book-your husband?'

'No. Walter was… well, nongregarious. We didn't have very many friends, you see.'

'Was there anything in his effects?'

'Chief Quartermain didn't tell me if there was.'

I could not think of anything else of pertinence to say, and she would not want small talk of any kind. I put my hands on the arms of the chair-and I remembered then, for no particular reason or because it had been in the back of my mind all along, looking for a rational escape, about the paperback mystery novel I had seen in Walter