Blairs body tightened with the force of Cams voice as much as the press of her flesh, and, as if she had been stroked in some essential place, the words tore through her, obliterating a lifetime of loss. She arched beneath Cam's weight, a cry wrenched from her lips. Then, arms wrapped tightly around her lover, she came.
'God, you're beautiful,' Cam gasped as Blair jerked beneath her.
When Blair quieted, Cam collapsed onto the bed beside her and pulled her into her arms. She pressed a kiss into her hair and whispered again, 'I love you.'
Blair pressed her face to the hollow between Cam's neck and shoulder and breathed in her scent, wanting nothing more than to be surrounded by her, immersed in her, lost to her. After what might have been a moment, or an hour, she murmured, 'I wanted you from the minute you walked into my apartment that first day, all spit and polish and businesslike. At first I wanted you because I wanted to control you and not have it be the other way around. Then I wanted you because every time I saw you, you made me ache. Now I want you because the thought of being without you terrifies me.'
'Didn't you forget the part about me being such a stud?' Cam said quietly, tightening her grip on the woman in her arms.
'Oh that.' Blair laughed shakily, and kissed Cam's neck. 'Yeah, that too.'
'I know I don't have words to tell you what you mean to me,' Cam continued, her voice choked with feeling. 'I don't think anything will ever make you understand except the days turning into weeks and then into months and finally into years-and I'll still be here, loving you.'
Blair stroked her hand across Cam's shoulder and down her chest, lingering on her breasts before drawing her fingertips down the center of her abdomen. Cam tensed under her touch, her breath catching.
'There something about touching you that makes me feel like I'm god,' Blair said softly into the darkness.
'I know.'
'The thought of anyone else-'
'Don't think it. It won't happen.'
As if suddenly revitalized, Blair shifted on the bed and straddled Cam's hips. She leaned down with one hand on either side of Cam's shoulders, her breasts inches from Cam's face, her eyes bright with purpose. 'I have this thing about what is mine. I don't like to share.'
'Neither do I.'
'Good,' Blair murmured just before she claimed Cam's mouth, the kiss hard and possessive.
The kiss lasted a long time. It was more than a kiss, it was an assertion of belonging and owning and joining. Cam opened herself to the depth of Blair's desire, letting her have whatever she demanded, giving her willingly all that she needed, reveling in the surrender that felt like nothing but freedom.
When Blair pushed down on the bed and placed her hands between Cam's thighs, Cam arched her back and lifted her hips, offering all that she had. When Blair thrust inside her, fast and hard, a light burst behind her eyes, and her fists closed emptily on the air. The power of it struck deep in her bones, and her blood soared beyond her control. Thighs trembling, breath caught between heartbeats, she came soundlessly, unable even to cry out, suspended for an eternity between heaven and earth. Finally, she lay gasping, sweat-soaked and trembling with Blair sagged against her, weakly moaning her name.
Somewhere between love and desire, they slept.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Shortly after dawn, Blair was awakened by a faint stirring beside her. She opened her eyes to find Cam seated on the side of the bed, naked. Reaching out one hand, she stroked the length of her spine and asked, 'What's the matter?'
'Nothing,' Cam said quickly. Turning in the gray light, she smiled down at her, brushed a lock of hair from Blair's cheek, then leaned to kiss her softly.
'Couldn't sleep?' Blair asked once Cam straightened again. 'I must be slipping.'
Cam laughed faintly. 'Oh no-believe me, you're not. I was just a little restless. I guess I'm used to being up and working by now.'
'Lie down,' Blair said, taking her lover's hand and drawing her down beside her. When Cam stretched out on her back, Blair raised on one elbow and searched her face. 'You want to tell me who she is?'
'I can't.'
'Can't or won't?' Surprisingly, her tone held neither anger nor accusation, only the question.
'I don't know precisely who she is. I never have.'
'And if you did?'
'Even if I knew her name, I probably wouldn't tell you,' Cam confessed.
'To protect her?'
'Partly,' Cam replied carefully, watching Blair's face. 'But mostly to protect you.'
'I heard a rumor that you were paying for sex. Is that true?'
If Cam was surprised by the bluntness of the question, she didn't show it. Her dark eyes held Blair's steadily as she said, 'Yes.'
'With her?'
'Yes.'
'Why?' Blair ran her hand down the center of Cam's abdomen, tracing the muscles etched below the skin, her eyes following the path of sinew and bones down the length of her thighs. The sight never failed to make her think of a form sculpted by an artist. 'God only knows, you don't need to.'
'It was simpler.'
Blair raised an eyebrow. 'Simpler?'
'It was easy to schedule; there were no complications; there were no repercussions.'
'A simple business arrangement, huh?'
'Something like that.'
Blair leaned forward and kissed her, a long slow sensuous kiss that held both reminders of passions past and promises of future pleasures. When she drew back, the corner of her full mouth lifted in a satisfied smile. 'Cameron, cut the secret agent stuff. Why did you do it?'
For one of the few times Blair could ever remember, Cam averted her gaze. Silently, she waited for Cam to make a decision, one that she knew was more about them and their future than anything that had happened in the past. At length, Cam looked at her and answered.
'The day my lover Janet was killed, we'd made love in the morning. But we'd had angry words, too, and we parted angry. I hadn't known the details of a dangerous assignment she was involved in until, as it turned out, it was too late. We kept secrets from each other as a matter of routine. We were both used to living that way. It was comfortable, and I don't think either of us wanted to risk too much. After I watched her die, I couldn't bring myself to make to love anyone else.'
'Because you still loved her?' Blair was pleased that her voice did not waver on the words.
'No.' Cam blew out a breath. 'Because I felt guilty for not having loved her more. I keep thinking maybe I could have changed the way it turned it out if I had.'
'Im sorry', Blair whispered.
'Its over', Cam said quietly. She smoothed her palm over Blairs thigh. 'But thanks.'
'The woman last night-she'sin love with you, you know.'
'No,' Cam said quickly, her voice adamant. 'It wasn't like that.'
Blair ran her fingertips along Cam's jaw to the corner of her mouth. 'Not for you maybe. Maybe.'
'We never shared anything like this, Blair,' Cam insisted.
'I'm glad,' Blair said honestly. 'It makes me wild to think of you making love with her. I can't even contemplate you sharing this with her.'
Cam brushed her fingers through the hair at the base of Blair's neck, her thumb moving over the skin behind her ear, a caress at once tender and possessive. 'I've never shared anything like this with anyone before.'
'I love you, Cam.'
'I like the way that sounds.'
