Gabriel's Inferno

leftovers home, will you?”

“I can’t take your money.” She moved as if to hand him back the bill, and he gave her a tremulous look.

“Please, Julianne. Not now.” He was rubbing his eyes with one hand.

She felt sorry for him so she decided not to argue.

“I’m sorry I have to leave you. I…”

He was sorry, very sorry, about something. He was in anguish, groaning involuntarily. Without thinking about it, she slipped her hand into his, a movement of compassion and solidarity. She was surprised when he didn’t flinch or throw her hand back at her.

He squeezed her fingers immediately, as if he was grateful for the contact. He opened his eyes and looked down at her and slowly began to move his fingers across the back of her hand, caressing her lightly. It was all so comfortable and sweet. As if he’d done it a thousand times. As if she belonged to him. He pulled her hand upward, close to his mouth, and stared at their connection.

“Here’s the smell of blood still; all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand,” he whispered. Gabriel kissed her hand reverently, but it was his own hand he was staring at. “Goodnight, Julianne. I’ll see you on Wednesday — if I’m still here.”

Julia nodded and watched him walk outside and break into a run as soon as his feet hit the sidewalk. It was only after he was gone that she realized she was still wearing his precious cashmere sweater and that tucked into the fifty dollar bill he had left her was the Starbucks gift card, with a note written on the back of the envelope:

J,

You didn’t think I would give up this easily, did you?

Never be ashamed to accept a gift when there are no strings attached.

There are no strings here.

Yours,

Gabriel

Chapter 13

By the next morning, Julia still hadn’t decided what to do about the bursary. She was not in a hurry to do anything that would expose Gabriel’s generosity to the suspicious minds of the university’s administration, as she knew that would be dangerous for him.

And she was not in a hurry to do anything that would expose herself as anything other than a serious graduate student, so she was reticent to go to the chair of their department and explain that she wasn’t interested in the bursary. For the bursary would contribute an impressive line to her curriculum vitae, and serious graduate students were supposed to care about those things more than they cared about silly little things like personal pride.

In classical terms, Miss Mitchell found herself caught between the Scylla of protecting Gabriel and herself and the Charybdis of holding fast to her pride. Unfortunately for her pride, the true peril aligned with her rejection of the bursary; the peril could be avoided if she just took the money.

She did not like that. Not one little bit. Especial y against the backdrop of Rachel’s generosity in buying her a dress and shoes and Gabriel’s not so secret attempt at replacing her book bag.

She neglected to mention to him that she’d returned her knapsack to L. L. Bean and was eagerly awaiting its replacement. And she fully intended to use it when it arrived, just to reassert her independence.

Friday afternoon, impatient for answers, Julia sent a short text to Rachel, telling her about the bursary and asking if she knew who M. P.

Emerson was.

Rachel texted her back immediately:

J: G did what? Never heard of foundation. Never heard of MPE.

MP = G’s bio-mother? Grandmother? luv, R.

P.S. A says hi and thanks

Julia puzzled over Rachel’s text, but was persuaded by her suggestion.

M. P. must have been Gabriel’s grandmother, for she couldn’t imagine him naming a bursary for someone he hated. And she was pretty sure Gabriel harbored hatred for his biological mother.

Although it was possible, Julia thought, that if Gabriel was secretive even with Rachel, that there were many things he could have kept from her.

So in a fit of boldness, which was brought on by a shot or two of tequila, Julia sent another text asking if Gabriel had a girlfriend in Toronto who she could ask about the bursary. And she immediately received the following response in her e-mail inbox:

Julia!

Okay, screw texting — the buttons are too small.

Gabriel has NEVER had a girlfriend, as far as I know. He never brought anyone home to meet Mom and Dad, even when he was in high school. Scott accused him of being gay once. But Scott has no gaydar.

Did you see how Gabriel’s apartment was decorated? And the photos in his bedroom? Wait. Did you see those?? No girlfriend locally — for sure. I think just screw-buddies. Although he acted weird when I asked. He’s 33 for God’s sake — being a player isn’t cute anymore.

Are you sure he didn’t make M. P. Emerson up? I’ll ask Scott and get back to you. I don’t want to upset my dad by asking — he’s a mess and…you know.

Aaron and I are on our way to the Queen Charlotte Islands to stay in a log cabin for two weeks. No internet. No cell phones.

Just us — peace, quiet, and an outdoor Jacuzzi.

Please keep Gabriel from falling off the cliff until I get back.

Love, R.

P.S. Aaron wants to say hi personally. Take it away, honey.

Hello, Julia. It’s Aaron.

Thank you for taking such good care of my fiancee while she was in Canada. She came back a different person, and I know it wasn’t because of Gabriel.

We all missed you at the funeral — would love to see you at Thanksgiving. If you aren’t planning on coming home, would you reconsider? It’s going to be rough without Grace. Richard (and Rachel) need their family around them, and that means you too.

I have frequent flyer miles — I could send you a ticket.

Think about it.

Love you girlie,

Aaron.

Julia wiped away a tear at the sweetness that was Aaron, feeling happy and relieved that he and his fiancee were still very much in love. What Julia would not give to be loved like that…

She wondered why Aaron’s offer of frequent flyer miles leaped off her screen as something other than charity, why she was instantly considering his very kind offer. Then it occurred to her — Grace was right. When there are no strings attached and a gift is given out of love, or friendship, which is a kind of love, there was no shame in accepting it. If Julia accepted Aaron’s gift, she could still be part of Richard’s first Thanksgiving without Grace and give the Emerson bursary back.

In thinking about Grace, Julia wondered if a small prayer to Grace for both herself and Gabriel would be efficacious, for Grace was a true saint, a heavenly mother, and one that would no doubt send help to her children.

So while St. Lucy went on vacation with her beloved Aaron, Julia turned her attention upward and begged for