probably long forgotten. Someone born after me might have decided to classify me as a war criminal and order my execution the instant I was awakened.’
Amelia nodded slowly. ‘Most people never go home again, that’s true enough. Even if there isn’t a war, too much will have changed. But most people have already resigned themselves to that before they leave.’
‘You’re saying I didn’t?’
‘I don’t know, Tanner. You do seem different, that’s for sure.’ Suddenly her tone of voice changed. ‘Ah, look! There’s one of the sloughed hulls!’
‘One of the what?’
But I followed her gaze all the same. What I saw was an empty conic shell, looking as huge as one of the ships in the parking swarm, though it was hard to be sure. She said, ‘I don’t know much about those ships, Tanner, but I know that they’re almost alive, in some ways — capable of altering themselves, improving themselves over time, so that they never end up obsolete. Sometimes the changes are all inside, but sometimes they affect the whole shape of the ship — making it larger, for instance. Or sleeker, so it can go closer to the speed of light. Usually when they do that, it’s cheaper for the ship to discard its old diamond armour rather than tear it down and rebuild it piece by piece. They call it sloughing — it’s like a lizard shedding its skin.’
‘Ah.’ I understood. ‘And I presume they were prepared to sell that armour at a knock-down price?’
‘They didn’t even sell it — just left the blessed thing lying in orbit, waiting to be rammed into by something. We took it over, stabilised its spin and lined it with rock tailings from Marco’s Eye. We had to wait a long time for another piece that matched, but eventually we had two shells we could join together to make Idlewild.’
‘Cheap at the price.’
‘Oh, it was still a lot of work. But the design works quite well for us. For a start, it takes a lot less air to fill a habitat of this shape than a cylindrical one of the same length. And as we get older and frailer and less able to take care of our duties near the point where the shells were married together, we can spend more and more time working in the low-gravity highlands, gradually approaching the endpoints — closer to heaven, as we say.’
‘Not too close, I hope.’
‘Oh, it’s not so bad up there.’ Amelia smiled. ‘The old dears can look down on the rest of us, after all.’
There was a sound from behind us; soft footfalls. I tensed, and once again my hand seemed to twitch in expectation of a weapon. A figure, barely visible, stole into the cave. I saw Amelia tense. For a moment the figure waited, its breathing the only sound. I said nothing, but waited patiently for the world to come around again and throw some light on the stranger.
He spoke. ‘Amelia, you know you shouldn’t come down here. It’s not allowed.’
‘Brother Alexei,’ she said. ‘You should know that I’m not alone.’
The echo of his laughter — false and histrionic — reflected from the cave walls. ‘That’s a good one, Amelia. I know you’re alone. I followed you, don’t you see? I saw that there was no one with you.’
‘Except there is someone with me. You must have seen me when I held back. I thought you were following us, but I couldn’t be sure.’
I said nothing for a moment.
‘You were never a very good liar, Amelia.’
‘Perhaps not, but right now I’m telling the truth — aren’t I, Tanner?’
I spoke just as the light returned, revealing the man. I already knew him to be another Mendicant from the way Amelia had greeted him, but he was dressed differently from Amelia, in a simple hooded black cloak, sewn on its chest with the snowflake motif. His arms were crossed casually beneath the motif and his face bore an expression less of serenity than hunger. He looked the hungry sort, too: pale and cadaverous, his cheekbones and jaw etched with shadow.
‘She’s telling the truth,’ I said.
He took a step closer. ‘Let me get a better look at you, slush puppy.’ His deepset eyes gleamed in the darkness, inspecting me. ‘Been awake long, have you?’
‘Just a few hours.’ I stood, allowing him to see what I was made of. He was taller than me, but we probably weighed about the same. ‘Not long, but long enough to know that I don’t like being called slush puppy. What’s that — slang amongst Ice Mendicants? You’re not as holy as you pretend, are you?’
Alexei smirked. ‘What would you know?’
I stepped towards him, my feet pressing against the glass, stars wheeling under them. I thought I had the picture now. ‘You like to bother Amelia, don’t you? That’s how you get your kicks — by following her down here. What do you do when you catch her alone, Alexei?’
‘Something divine,’ he said.
I could see why she had hesitated now, allowing Alexei to spy on her and conclude that she was alone. On this one occasion she must have wanted him to follow her because she knew I’d be there as well. How long had this been going on — and how long had she had to wait before reviving someone she thought she could trust?
‘Be careful,’ Amelia said. ‘This man is the hero of Nueva Valparaiso, Alexei. He saved lives there. He isn’t just some meek tourist.’
‘What is he, then?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said, answering for her. But in the same breath I crossed the two metres that spaced me from Alexei, pressing him hard against the cave wall, locking an arm under his chin, applying just enough pressure to make him think I was choking him. The movement felt as effortless and fluid as a yawn.
‘Stop…’ he said. ‘Please… you’re hurting me.’
Something dropped from his hand: a sharp-edged cultivating tool. I kicked it across the floor.
‘Silly boy, Alexei. If you’re going to arm yourself, don’t throw your weapon away.’
‘You’re choking me!’
‘If I was choking you, you wouldn’t be able to talk. You’d be unconscious about now.’ But I released the pressure anyway, shoving him towards the tunnel. He tripped on something and hit the ground hard. Something rolled from his pocket; another makeshift weapon, I presumed.
‘Please…’
‘Listen to me, Alexei. That was just a warning. Next time we cross paths, you walk away with a broken arm, understand? I don’t want you here again.’ I picked up the cultivating tool and threw it towards him. ‘Get back to your gardening, big boy.’
We watched him get up, mumble something under his breath then scuttle back into the darkness.
‘How long has that been going on?’
‘A few months.’ Her voice was very quiet now. We watched Yellowstone and the swarm of parked ships rotate into view again before she continued, ‘What he said — what he implied — never happened. All he’s ever done is just scare me. But every time he goes a bit further. He frightens me, Tanner. I’m glad you were with me.’
‘It was deliberate, wasn’t it? You were hoping he would try something today.’
‘Then I was afraid you might kill him. You could have, couldn’t you? If you had wanted to.’
Now that she formed the question I had to ask it of myself as well. And I saw that killing him would have been easy for me; simply a technical modification of the restraint I had imposed. It wouldn’t have demanded any more effort; would hardly have impinged on the calm I had felt during the whole incident.
‘He wouldn’t have been worth the effort,’ I said, reaching over to pick up the thing which had slipped from his pocket. No weapon, I saw now — or at least nothing with which I was familiar.
It was more like a syringe, containing some fluid which could have been black or dark red, but was most likely the latter.
‘What’s this?’
‘Something he shouldn’t have had in Idlewild. Give it to me, will you? I’ll have it destroyed.’
I passed the hypodermic device willingly; it was of no use to me. As she pocketed it with something close to revulsion, Amelia said, ‘Tanner, he’ll be back, when you’ve left us.’
‘We’ll worry about that later — and I’m not going anywhere in a hurry, am I? Not with my memory in the state it is.’ Trying to lighten the mood, I added, ‘You said something about showing me my face, earlier on.’
She answered hesitantly. ‘Yes, I did, didn’t I?’ Then she fished out the little penlight she had used in the tunnel and instructed me to kneel down again, looking into the glass. When Yellowstone and its moon had gone by and the cave had become dark again, she shone the torch on my face. I looked at my reflection in the glass.
There was no shocking sense of unfamiliarity. How could there have been, when I had already traced the
