Beyond Shame

“Maybe.” Ace leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Jas is a real stubborn jackass, you know. Can’t tell him to do a damn thing without him deciding to do the opposite.”

Because he was a man who took orders from no one—except for Dallas. Jasper’s confidence was intoxicating in a world that seemed fluid, lawless. “I wouldn’t know,” she murmured, drinking in the sight of Jas with his muscular arms draped over his chest and his expression stern. “I don’t give him orders.”

He stepped forward and dragged his thumb down the inside of her elbow before beginning to buckle a strap. “Because you’re smart, honey. Ace doesn’t understand smart.”

Ace’s laughter drifted over her, but Noelle couldn’t look away from Jasper as he fixed her elbow in place. Helplessness had been her constant companion since she’d stumbled through the gates of Eden, but this wasn’t frightening. This was giving over control, putting herself in his hands, and it made helplessness her own choice.

She drew in a deep breath and wiggled against the seat. “What does Ace understand?”

“Sex. Simple control.” Jas pulled the strap taut. “The moment, but not what comes after it. After everyone comes down.”

Coming down had been the sweetest part of the previous night. Not that Jas had let her get off—she was still strung too tightly after no relief and a night of erotic dreams—but he’d stroked her and petted her as she eased away from the edge, turning the sharp scorch of frustration into a slow-burning promise.

Jasper moved to the second strap, and Ace swabbed something cool and wet over the inside of her wrist. She started to glance back at him, but a soft buzz filled the room as pain jabbed into her wrist.

It hurt. It hurt the same way as when her mother had pinched the inside of her arm in punishment for using unladylike words, vicious little twists that left her bruised under her prim, long-sleeved blouses. Noelle clenched her free hand into a fist and dug her teeth into her lower lip, remembering Jasper’s words.

A reward. All she had to do was endure the pain.

Jas stroked her brow, trailed his fingertips over her temple and into her hair. “Filling in the bar code will probably hurt the worst.” His voice was low, even. “But it’s all you have to do today. If he finishes and you want to go for the full cuffs, that’s okay. But you don’t have to, not yet.”

Slow breaths. She snuck a peek at Ace, but watching the needle stab into her skin made her woozy, so she turned back to Jasper, leaning into his touch. “Dallas is okay with me having the cuffs?” Surely it couldn’t have been a week already, though the days and nights blurred together in a haze of liquor, smoke, and sex.

“He changed his mind about the wait.” Jas smiled. “My guess? You were right, and Lex went to bat for you. He doesn’t tell her no.”

No, he didn’t seem to. Noelle closed her eyes as the spot where the needle pierced her wrist began to burn. “Tell me what they mean. What will happen if I take them.”

“It’s O’Kane ink. Once you have it, you are the gang. Anyone hurts you, they hurt all of us. They hassle you? They answer to everyone.”

Ace swiped at her wrist again. The burning worsened, but the pain melted somehow between her arm and her brain. Her heart beat faster as he spoke, his words drifting over the hum of the needles. “You’d be one of us, princess. Everything you need taken care of, as long as you put the gang first.”

“I can do that,” she whispered, pressing her thighs together. God, being touched was supposed to be the reward. What would Jasper think if he pried her knees apart and found her aroused?

“You’ll belong to Dallas, same as we all do.” Jas stroked the inside of her unmarked wrist. “Then, when you’re ready, you can belong to someone else in a different way.”

She’d met a girl in the bar who wore ink like a collar around her throat. Anyone who looked at her knew she was taken. A more primal version of the wedding bands worn in Eden, but with the same significance. A woman belonged to her partner.

At least out here, the men seemed wary of pissing off their women.

Ace started another line, and Noelle sank her teeth into her lower lip as the pain intensified, and the pleasure along with it.

Jas gently freed her lip from the bite of her teeth and licked it. “Getting better?”

Every bit of warmth rushed to her center, as if his tongue had granted her permission to feel. She moaned and arched as much as she could, and the leather straps digging into her arms only made it more delicious. “Yes,” she whimpered, finally understanding Rachel’s words.

This… This could be addictive.

Jas spoke, the words hot against her skin but not for her ears. “How much longer?”

“Another couple minutes.” Ace chuckled. “You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you, princess? I can’t tell what you like more, the leather or the needles.”

Both and neither, because only one thing tied them all together. “Jasper. I like Jasper more.”

“No whining,” he murmured, then licked the corner of her mouth. “Barely even a whimper. You deserve your reward, honey.”

“What’d you promise her, brother?”

“Your tongue, for starters.” The back of Jas’s hand brushed her nipple through her shirt. “I figured you’d be down with that.”

She squirmed as Ace laughed, the sound dark and low. “Better tell me where I can and can’t put it. Fingers too.”

“Both, wherever it gets her off the hardest.” A thread of steel wound through Jas’s voice. “But keep your dick in your pants. This is about Noelle.”

About her. All about her, and she was already melting at the thought of it. She twisted her head and tried to catch Jasper’s mouth, but he held her back and licked her lips again. “When Ace has you fixed up, honey. Then I’m going to kiss you while he fucks you with his tongue.”

She had to pant to get enough air to speak. “That’s so dirty.”

“Mmm.” Jas reached down to grip her leg, his fingers curving along her sensitive inner thigh. “You can tell him not to touch you.”

Did he want her to? Was this a test of loyalty? Tension started to curl around her, until she realized her answer was the same either way. “He can if you want him to.”

Ace clucked his tongue. “If you’d ever had my face between your legs before, you’d sound more excited.”

Noelle ignored him and stared into Jasper’s eyes as the world floated around her. “Anything, if you think it’ll make me feel good. I want to feel good.”

Jas’s fingernails dug into her skin, just a little. “You can’t separate them, can you? Whatever I want will get you off.” He bent low, spoke directly into her ear. “I want you to have other people, find out what you like. Get and give pleasure before you settle on me.”

There was a message under the words, one she’d have to think hard about. Later. For now, she could only nod and ease her knees apart. “I like this.” If he slid his hand up a few inches, under her skirt, he’d see how much.

Instead, his hand retreated. “Open your mouth.”

She obeyed without hesitation.

He studied her, his gaze roving over her parted lips. Finally, he eased his thumb between them. “Suck.”

It was like one of her dark fantasies come to life. Jasper, looming over her bound, helpless body, rasping dirty commands. Orders that absolved her of any complicity in her own defilement. Shuddering, she sealed her lips tight and sucked, and she’d almost forgotten about Ace until he hissed out a breath. “Fucking hell, Jasper.”

“I know.” He glided the pad of his thumb over her tongue. “She’s beautiful.”

Drunk on the look in his eyes, on the buzz trembling through her body, Noelle scraped her teeth over his thumb.

He pulled free of her mouth with a pop and smiled approvingly. “That’s good, honey.” The smile lingered as he tugged lightly at her silky shirt. “Is this Lex’s too?”

“Yes. I didn’t buy much yesterday.” Mostly just the corset, the one he’d liked so much.

He drew something from his pocket, but she didn’t get a good look at it until it clicked and light glinted off the blade. A knife. He teased the tip under the already-plunging neckline and slit the fabric clean away from her