Beyond Shame

Chapter Two

“I can’t believe you did this, you jackass.”

The words pierced darkness and splintered agony behind her eyes. Noelle groaned and pressed her hand to her forehead, as if she could hold the pieces of her shattered skull together. And it had to be a shattered skull—nothing else would explain the pain knifing through her.

“I didn’t have a choice,” a gruff voice murmured. “If I’d left her out there—”

“Don’t kid yourself,” the woman interrupted. “You didn’t do her any favors. Look at her, for Christ’s sake. You should have put her on the first transport out to the communes.”

Communes. The word dragged her fully out of confused darkness. The communes were horrifying places where farmers lived primitive lives of indentured servitude. No electricity or running water, only backbreaking labor from dawn to dusk and being bred until you died in childbirth. Her father had threatened her with an extended stay on the farms often enough to make her heart seize now. “No,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “No communes.”

A feminine hand pressed against the back of her neck. “Here, sit up and drink this.”

Cold water splashed her lips, but hazy memories of the last drink she’d accepted made her pause. But she was parched…and helpless. The numbness of having lost everything melted into a hollow sort of trust, and she parted her lips and drank deeply before speaking. “Thank you.”

“Sure, honey.”

The man huffed out a sigh. “Lex—”

“Forget it.” The woman tipped the cup to Noelle’s lips again. “Let Dallas sort it out. He’s the man in charge, isn’t he?”

“I called him already.”

“Good.” Lex set down the cup and snapped her fingers in front of Noelle’s face. “How many fingers?”

Noelle blinked and focused on the woman’s fingers. “I’m not injured, just confused. Where am I?”

“Sector Four. The Broken Circle.”

She’d heard of it. Who hadn’t? The Broken Circle—the heart of sin, the club her friends spoke about in whispers because no one was brave enough to bribe an official for a pass into the sectors. The moonshine that had gotten them all arrested had been taboo enough.

“O’Kane Liquor,” she whispered, remembering the black-and-white labels affixed to the bottles. “This is where it comes from.” But how had she ended up here?

“Comes from a warehouse across the compound, actually, but close enough.” The woman held out her hand. “I’m Lex.”

“Noelle.” The other woman’s hand was soft but strong. She looked tough, even before Noelle struggled to sit up and caught sight of Lex’s clothes—leather boots with stiletto heels and the kind of sleek, skimpy lingerie you couldn’t find in Eden, not unless you bought it under the table from a black-market vendor. Noelle had never seen a person bare so much skin with so little concern, so little shame.

Lex lifted an eyebrow. “See what I mean, Jas? She’s looking at me like I have two heads.”

The man frowned—an expression that seemed habitual, if not permanent. “She’s from the city.”

Now that she was upright, Noelle could see him too. He filled the corner of the room with his bulk, made it seem smaller just with his presence. His clothing was as foreign as Lex’s, everything cut from denim and leather and edged with silver and steel. His forearms were covered with ink, and the dark swaths snapped her disjointed memories into sharp clarity.

Being thrown from the city by a stone-faced guard.

The drugged juice and the man following her.

Stumbling into the arms of a gang member.

She forced her gaze to his. “You saved me.”

His eyes widened in a flash of panic. “Uh, no. You fell on me.”

But he’d caught her. He hadn’t left her in the street, at the mercy of the predators prowling the sectors. He hadn’t hurt her. And the panic in his gaze intrigued her—surely if he was the monster she’d been taught, he’d be eager to accept credit. To twist her gratitude into obligation, and then use that to place lurid, degrading demands on her. The kind she wasn’t supposed to know about.

He hadn’t done anything of the sort. He’d simply been kind, and that deserved kindness in return. “Thank you for catching me.”

Lex covered her face with her hands and mumbled something under her breath.

The door slammed open hard enough to send Noelle’s heart rocketing into her throat. A slightly older man stepped through, clad in a leather vest that bared tattooed arms, and pinned her rescuer with an irritated look. “Jasper, you’re a pain in my ass.”

He rose. “Come on, Dallas. You would’ve done the same damn thing.”

“God willing, we’ll never know.” He leveled a finger at Noelle, the gesture somehow menacing and exasperated. “Three questions. You’ll answer them honestly or I’ll boot your ass back into the street.”

She’d fared badly out there before, so Noelle laced her fingers together to hide their trembling. “Honest answers,” she promised.

“Good.” He flicked up one finger. “Is your father motherfucking Edwin Cunningham?”

Shame heated her cheeks even as pain sank claws in her chest. “Yes. Though he’s probably already filing the paperwork to have me officially severed from the family.”

A grunt. Dallas held up a second finger. “Your ID shows two offenses. What’d you get arrested for?”

Oh, no. She couldn’t admit it in front of Lex, and certainly not in front of her rescuer. Jasper. Humiliation joined the mix of emotions churning in her middle as she stared at the floor and forced herself to answer. “Possession and consumption of alcohol and—” The word froze on her tongue. She had to whisper it. “Fornication.”

Silence. Then Lex shook her head with a disgusted snort. “Bunch of dickless bastards.” She turned on Dallas, her shoulders squared. “She can stay with me until she gets on her feet.”

“That’s the third question. Look at me, Noelle Cunningham.” Compelled by his voice, she lifted her gaze to his. He had steely eyes, seductive and overpowering at once, and she had to fight to focus on his words. “Do you want me to put you on a bus out to the communes right now? If not, the best I can offer you is a week’s probation under Lex. I’m not taking a poor little rich girl from Eden into this gang until I know she can handle it. So do you want a week of training, or do you want the bus?”

Two choices. Two lives. The farms would wear down her body. They had fertility drugs there, the kind that counteracted the contraceptives administered in Eden to prevent overpopulation. Resources were precious in the city—in the communes, babies were resources. Fornication wasn’t a sin there, but sex was only acceptable as a means of making more strong bodies to work the land and make the farm owners rich. In Eden, they called it noble work. Honorable. Toil for the body to enrich the spirit, surely deserving of eternal reward.

None of the things that might happen to her body in the sectors would enrich her spirit. The gangs outside Eden knew a thousand ways to sin, and—according to Noelle’s father—ten thousand ways to secure a place in Hell.

If she were righteous, there’d be only one possible choice.

If she were righteous, she’d still be in Eden. “I don’t want to go to the communes.”

“Fine.” Dallas pointed at Lex. “She gets full fucking disclosure. If she’s not willing to tend bar, clean house, or suck dick by the end of the week, she’s gone.”

“Fuck you,” Lex shot back pleasantly.

“Hop on my cock anytime, love.” He jabbed his finger at Jasper. “You, out. There’s a shipment over at the warehouse that needs your attention.”

“I’m on it.” Jasper hesitated. “If she needs anything—”