Beyond Shame

Dallas nodded shortly and met Cruz’s eyes. “I know what you gave up to bring us Martel. I’ll make sure we’re square.” Dallas shifted his attention to Rachel. “You and Ace take our new friend out front. Get him something to eat, and anything else he needs.”

They hustled the man out of the room, leaving Jasper staring at Dallas and Bren. “Tell me this isn’t as fucked up as it seems.”

Dallas listened in silence as Bren relayed everything Cruz had told them, and shook his head when the man finished. “This is what I’ve been trying to tell you all along, Jas. Politics in Eden are like a vicious, bloody game of chess.” He sighed. “I’d bet my boots a story about the attempt on her life is about to hit the vid network, if it hasn’t already. Noelle’s on the board now, and the game doesn’t end until she’s either back in Eden or dead.”

All that mattered to Jasper was her safety. “I’m going to see what Mad can set up. We need to monitor the situation in Eden.”

“Bren can do that.” Dallas gestured. “Go now. I need to talk to Jasper.”

Jasper wasn’t remotely in the mood, and he told Dallas so before the door even snapped shut. “The pep talk’s gonna have to wait, coach.”

“This isn’t a pep talk.” Dallas braced both hands on the table. “What are you going to do if her father shows up to rescue her? If he offers her a free pass, all sins forgiven, right back to her cushy, safe little life? What are you going to do when she looks to you to help her decide?”

He’d tell her that it wasn’t his decision, that she was the only one who truly knew what to do—except he knew it was a lie. He’d do everything he had to do to keep her out of danger. “I’ll tell her she needs to go,” he snarled.

Dallas didn’t look surprised. He didn’t look happy, either. “Can you live with that?”

“I don’t exactly have a choice.”

“You have two choices, and they’re both shit.”

Let her go, or keep her and maybe get her killed. “They’re both shit,” Jasper echoed. “But they’re all I’ve got, unless you’re cooking something up in that head of yours.”

“I have a few ideas,” Dallas said, but held up his hand before Jasper could say anything. “But nothing that’ll make her any safer than she is now. Hell, for all I know, we’re headed into a territory war. I’ll protect Noelle like she’s one of us—but you know what war means.”

First Trent’s bomb, and now a sniper from Eden. Things were going to shit all over the place, just like the days when they’d had to scrounge and fight like hell for every scrap of peace that came their way. If they were smart, they’d take precautions.

Some of the men hadn’t hesitated to take women then, even knowing they might not come home to them at the end of the night, but Jasper had never been one of them. “I won’t keep a woman I can’t protect. That hasn’t changed.”

Dallas sighed. “Can’t say I fault your logic, Jas…but maybe that means we’re both looking at cold, lonely lives.”

“There are worse things.” Like more gunshots, and Noelle’s eyes blank and unseeing instead of snapping with life.

“All right.” Dallas straightened and rubbed a hand over his hair. “I’ll reach out to Cunningham and let him know I’m open to talking. Maybe you won’t have to make the choice at all.”

“He’ll want her back.” Jasper took a deep breath. “What do we do with Martel’s body? Make it disappear, or make sure they find it?”

Dallas stared at the wall and flexed his hands thoughtfully. “Put him on ice,” he said finally. “Let me hear what Cunningham has to say, and then we’ll decide.”

“Speaking of ice, get some on your hands,” Jasper advised.

“Yeah.” Dallas stared down at his bruised knuckles. “I need to go tell Lex it’s over before she crawls out of bed and hurts herself again.”

It was his job to check on Lex, to make sure she was recovering and safe. It was Jasper’s equal responsibility to do the same for Noelle, but he needed distance. He needed to let go. “Will you…?”

“I’ll take care of her,” Dallas replied quietly. “You go find Bren and Mad. It’s going to be a long night.”

That it was.

Chapter Nineteen

Jasper was avoiding her.

At first, she thought it was her imagination. Dallas had returned late and grumpy, and Noelle had been too wrung out to traverse the warren of hallways back to Lex’s empty bed. But sleep had been fleeting and restless, interrupted whenever she slipped her hand into the vacant space to her left. Every time she woke, she forced her eyes shut again by promising herself that the next time she flung her arm wide it would slam into the unforgiving wall of Jasper’s chest.

It never did.

She’d edged out of the huge bed at dawn, fleeing a loneliness that was more cutting in Dallas and Lex’s presence than it could have possibly been alone. Dallas had cracked open one eye to squint at her as she pulled on her clothing, but after admonishing her not to leave the compound, he tucked Lex’s sleeping form more firmly against his side and closed his eyes again.

He’d probably assumed she was going to find Jasper, but she hadn’t. She’d already felt it then—something beyond sneaking suspicion. The certainty that Jasper wasn’t simply not present, but absent. Deliberately not there.

It wasn’t until she was huddled in a cooling bath in Lex’s quarters that she understood the conviction. Her hands trembled as she scrubbed a washcloth over her newly healed skin, and she needed him. She needed to see him, touch him, know he was safe. She needed to curl up in his arms and know she was safe.

She needed him, and he was supposed to know that. He had to know that. If he didn’t, how could she trust him to know everything else she needed? And if he did know but was ignoring her…

No. It was too soon for such thoughts, especially with all the danger. Dallas had admitted to sending Jasper out on some unspecified errand. Maybe it had taken most of the night. Maybe he’d fallen into his bed not long before she’d crawled out of Dallas’s, and if she went to him now he’d open his arms and fold them around her—

She didn’t. She told herself it was because he needed rest, and because it didn’t matter anyway. She drained the tub and dressed for the day, braided her hair in a crown around her head and picked out a short-sleeved T-shirt that left her arms—and her tattoos—bare. Paired with heeled boots and jeans and one of Lex’s studded leather belts, it felt like armor.

She was an O’Kane. One night of uncertainty wouldn’t change that. Nothing could change that. That was the promise tattooed into her skin—her loyalty in exchange for their protection. Forever.

Besides, she wasn’t entirely helpless anymore. She didn’t need Jasper or Lex to hold her hand and give her something to do. The stage had been cleaned of Lex’s blood, but the club still needed tending. Trix would be there to open the doors by noon, ready to serve the truly dedicated drinkers and sell individual bottles of liquor to anyone unable to strike a special deal with Dallas.

Life had to go on.

Noelle had swept the floor and taken down the chairs by the time Trix arrived, trailing a quiet bouncer named Zan. Zan nodded to her and positioned himself just outside the door, a solid wall of muscle that could—and would —turn deadly at the slightest hint of danger.

Noelle had traded her broom for a cloth to wipe down the scarred wooden tables when the door swung open again, admitting two men almost as large as Zan—and tragically familiar.

Her father’s bodyguards.

She barely had time to wrap her brain around that—her father’s bodyguards—