television.
Her head rested on his shoulder as they listened to the light rain on the living-room windows. Now that the moment had arrived, she was unsure as to how to bring it up. Better just to come right out with it, she thought.
“Paul?”
“Hmm?”
“The reason I was late was because I had a visitor today.
From the FBI.”
“Oh, what did the feebs want?”
“You’re incorrigible.” She took the remote and hit the mute button. “They offered me a coordinated assignment out of town.”
He looked directly at her. “Where?”
“I can’t go into specific details, but it would be on the U.S.-Mexico border.”
“What? Why did they ask you—never mind, you probably can’t tell me.”
“Afraid so. I would be gone for at least a week, maybe two.”
He sat up. “And you said?”
“That I would think about it and let them know tonight.”
“That isn’t a lot of time.”
“It’s important that I give them an answer right away. I would be leaving as early as tomorrow morning.”
“I take it you’re seriously considering going?”
“I wouldn’t be talking about it with you if I wasn’t. This could give my career a boost, and, let’s face it, I need it right now.”
Paul turned off the television, darkening the room a bit.
“Or it could get you shot or killed, as well. I mean, have you been keeping up on events down there? There’s been reports of the Mexican army providing escort for drug smugglers, special-forces soldiers going over to work for the bad guys. It’s dangerous down there, I mean really dangerous. You can’t tell me exactly where?”
“Sorry. But this isn’t any different than when you’re packed up and sent off to Bahrain or Somalia or somewhere equally dangerous. And don’t even think of trying to play the gender card on me,” she said.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, but keep in mind that when I go to these places, I have bodyguards accompanying me for safety. I hope to God that they’re providing you with a contact down there.”
“The briefing agent said I’d be working with the Border Patrol agent who first brought this to our attention.”
“One guy? That’s reassuring. Will you be carrying?
When’s the last time you qualified on the range?”
“Possibly, and I requalified last month. I shoot monthly, as you well know.”
He rose from the leather couch and paced the room, running a hand through his already-tousled blond hair. “I don’t know, Tracy. We were going to take that trip to the coast next weekend. Now we’ll have to postpone it.”
“Paul, tell me you’re not using Jennifer as a reason I should turn this down.”
“No, but our schedules are crazy enough that it was hell just getting that time off together. And as for Jennifer, I’m not using her. I’m telling you that she is a reason. Look, Marilyn was a workaholic—twelve-hour days, extended business trips—she only took two weeks off to have Jennifer, then she was running around the world again. When I found out my newborn daughter was being nursed by a nanny, I dropped everything, came home and took care of her for the next three years. Fortunately, the firm I was with was very understanding.”
Paul ran a hand across his face. “Once I realized that Marilyn had agreed to have a child primarily because she thought it was what I wanted, and that she really had no maternal attachment to Jennifer, that’s when we started talking seriously about splitting up. And, well, you know the rest. I swore that I would never put my daughter through that again. I know government work comes with a price—I’ve worked plenty of late nights, too, but I always made time for my daughter, as well, even though it almost killed me sometimes. Now I—we—have finally got Jennifer to where she’s accepting you not just as my girlfriend, but as a mother—” He paused at Tracy’s surprised look, then continued. “Yes, she’s called you that more than once. Anyway, out of nowhere comes this trip— one that could get you killed. I mean—and this is not meant to be an insult—you’re an analyst, not a field agent.”
“I know that. They said they wanted a fresh viewpoint, which is what I bring to the situation, I guess. But keep in mind this is just one trip, Paul.”
“Sure, for now. But what happens when they ask you next time? I appreciate that you try to make time for Jennifer and me, but we’ve had to reschedule or cancel things so many times in the past year alone. And what happens if the DHS assigns you to a fusion center across the country? I love you, but I’m not sure I could uproot Jennifer at this point in her life and start over again.”
“You know I’ve been angling for a spot at the Virginia center once it’s online. That’s why this is important—I have to look to the future, as well. I’m not just doing it for me, but, I hope, for all three of us.”
Paul stopped to stand in front of her. “What if I said I didn’t want you going?”
She stared up at him, her brow furrowing. She knew Paul cared deeply about her, but sometimes that came out in what she saw as ridiculously protective actions or thoughts. “I’d say this isn’t your decision to make.”
“I figured you’d say that. You know, I was first attracted to you partly because you’re so damn hot, but also because of your huge independent streak. However, at times like this it can certainly be a pain in the ass.”
She smiled sweetly. “Just like your overprotective nature can be, too.”
“Well, I don’t think I’m wrong to be concerned. I know you can take care of yourself, but this is a completely un-familiar area you’d be heading into.”
“No, it’s not, Paul. It’s intelligence gathering and analysis, which is what I’ve been trained to do in my job. Only the geography changes—that’s all.”
“And the people you have to work with, and the job itself once you get there and any number of other things, any of which can bite you in the ass. I’ve been to places where there was no support staff on the government side or among our own people, mainly because they were cooling their heels in jail. And I certainly don’t like what I’m hearing about the Border Patrol lately—seems a lot of them don’t like the head guy very much, and there’s rumblings of an internal revolt coming.”
“None of that impacts how I do my job or how this agent I’d be paired with should do his,” Tracy said.
“It shouldn’t, but it does.”
“So you’d rather have me stay here and keep my head down until a
“I thought we had discussed both of our career tracks trying to mesh as closely as possible so we could both stay in the D.C. area.”
“This would help me do that.”
Paul stalked across the room. “Dammit, it would put you at risk! This isn’t crunching numbers on a computer screen about something that happened a thousand miles away. If they want you there, then it’s something local, and if it involves the border, then it’s most likely something dangerous that they don’t want leaking to the press.” He took a deep breath, obviously trying to rein himself in.
“When you said where the job was, the first thing I thought of was you lying dead in the desert somewhere, and I don’t want that to happen.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Paul, now you’re being melodra-matic.” Her words trailed off as a thought came to her.
“Jesus, you don’t think I can do this, do you?”
“That’s not it at all—”
“No, that
“Being concerned about you and thinking you can’t do something are two very different things, Tracy.”
“If you’re trying to seriously talk me out of this, you’re doing a piss-poor job,” she shouted.
“It’s hard to do that when you’ve practically made up your mind already. Jesus, why discuss it with me in the first place if you’re just going to go off and do it anyway!” He crossed to the window and stared out at the drops gathering on the glass. A bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, the silver-white light revealing the emotions on his
