The Long-Legged Fly

to me, and that’s all. Every month I think: I ought to go back home.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Maybe I am too, just now.”

We sat there finishing our coffee and salad and looking at one another. Finally she said, “I must get back onto the floor now, Mr. Griffin-”

“Lew.”

“Lew. But I hope that I’ll be seeing you again.”

“You will if you want to, Vicky.”

We were standing outside the cafeteria, in the mall, by this time. Currents of people broke around us.

“I want to. I’m thirty-five, Mr. Griffin. I’ve had affairs with a few men, been engaged twice. But I really want to get married, maybe even have kids. Perhaps that scares you.”

“Very little scares me after what I’ve been through.”

“Good, then.” She pulled a pad out of her pocket and scribbled quickly on it. “Here’s my phone number and address. Call me.”

“What’s best for you? What shifts and all.”

“Anytime. Mornings at seven-thirty are good; either I’ve slept the night through or am just coming in from work. Ten or so evenings, too. You’re almost sure to catch me then. Mostly I work nights.”

“Okay. Soon then, Vicky.”

“I do hope so. Au revoir.”

New Orleans natives tend to swallow or drop their r’s; that’s why, to outsiders, the prevailing white accent seems most unsouthernly, in fact distinctly Bronx-like. Vicky’s r was in marvelous contrast. She caressed each one as though she loved it, as though it were the last she might be privileged to utter.

After she was gone I looked down at the paper in my hand. It was from a notepad advertising a “mood elevator” put out by one of the pharmaceutical companies. That seemed wholly appropriate.

Chapter Three

Some light must shine behind our lives always, one of my college teachers said. He’d been a poet, apparently a good one, well thought of, promising. The light was draining out from behind his life the year I had him for freshman lit. Halfway through the second semester he didn’t show up for class two days in a row. They found him on the floor of his bathroom. He’d hanged himself from a hook in the ceiling above the tub, and though the hook had torn out of the rotting plaster, his throat was already crushed and he had died after a few moments’ thrashing about in fallen plaster, back broken across the edge of the tub in the fall.

Meeting Vicky, getting to know her, I felt the light start up again behind my own life. It hadn’t been there for a long time.

I started doing collections for a loan outfit over on Poydras. Walsh had vetted me, and I was still big enough and mean-looking enough to be effective pulling in payments for them. They started me out on a token salary, soon added a percentage, then doubled the salary as well.

Vicky and I were seeing one another pretty regularly: concerts, dinner, films at the Prytania, theater, museums, long afternoons over espresso or bottles of wine. I recalled the concept of monads-whole areas of knowledge, of understanding, which opened entire to the developing individual. And felt new worlds opening within me, worlds I’d always known were there but couldn’t find, couldn’t get to.

This whole period, like those early weeks in the hospital, but for quite different reasons, is something of a blur to me. I tracked people down all day, clocked out at six or so and headed for Vicky’s, and we either went out somewhere or stayed in talking and listening to music until she had to leave for work herself. My hours were flexible, and on days she was off I’d sometimes work at night to be with her during the day.

Work, a waiting woman, money in the bank, personal growth: American dreams.

But I stayed on at the halfway house. Carlos grudgingly began telling me buenos dias. Jimmi, the few times we were there simultaneously, didn’t want to talk. Vicky asked me to move in with her. Sansom came by every Friday to be sure everything was all right.

Time passed, as it will.

Both Verne and Walsh called to see how things were going. Ca va bien, I told them.

The president began another covert war.

Memorials were erected to those who’d died in the last covert war.

The CIA overthrew small South American governments and kept thick files on many of its own citizens.

Business as usual in South Africa.

Russia growled at us and we growled back-nothing new there.

Down by the Mississippi River Bridge they were swarming like ants, building for the ’84 World’s Fair.

I moved in with Vicky.

It was a rather fashionable apartment complex, and she’d made her small corner of it forever British by hanging pictures from the cornices, setting two morris chairs beside a low tea table and otherwise filling the flat with heavy, old furniture. There had been the usual compact, synthetic furnishings when she moved in, she said; she’d felt she was living in a motel. There were books everywhere.

One night after we’d been together a few weeks and had decided to stay in for the evening-I had a pot of red beans simmering on the stove and was about to start the rice-there was a knock at the door. It was Jimmi Smith.

“Bill Sansom says you’re good at finding people,” he said without preamble.

“Your sister?”

He nodded.

“Please come in,” I said, and introduced Vicky.

“I’ve got a bad feeling,” he said. “Something’s happened. I can’t go on like this anymore.”

“Will you stay for dinner, Mr. Smith-please,” Vicky said.

He shook his head but a little later let himself be led to the table. He was talking about how they used to sit on the swing in the backyard and spit grape seeds at each other, how they went everywhere together in their matched overalls. I poured wine and Vicky brought in fresh French bread. Over dinner and through a second bottle of wine he told me about his sister, Cherie. Gave me her last address and a small photo, an old school picture, the only one he had, he said, because she never liked having her picture taken.

“I’ll poke around and see what I can come up with,” I told him. “I’ll be in touch. You’re still at the house?”

“Same bunk, same book.”

I showed him out and started stacking dishes. Vicky had picked up the photograph.

“She looks so very young.”

“At our age, everybody starts looking young. Cops look like kids to me these days.”

“She also looks like someone who knows the best part of her life is already over,” Vicky said, and was sad the rest of the night.

In the morning I checked in at the loan company, picked up my slips and, finding two of the leads out in Metairie, where Cherie’s last address also was, headed that way.

The first lead took me to an apartment house reminiscent of rabbit warrens where a dirty-faced adolescent