Hell?”
“No, I want you to help me tag her soul for Heaven.”
I hear my breath catch, and I squirm out from under Grandpa’s arm. “You shit! You said you wanted Grandpa to help hide us.”
“You need to figure out how to forgive yourself Frannie. I think your grandfather’s the best person to help you do that. This Shield might work, but if it doesn’t, Gabriel’s the only one who can keep you safe. He loves you, Frannie, and he’s got some pull with the Big Guy. He may be able to keep things reasonable for you.”
“I want my life, goddamit!”
“What are ya all talking about?” Grandpa looks a mix of frightened confusion.
“Frannie’s soul can’t be tagged for Hell if it’s already tagged for Heaven. But Frannie can’t be tagged for Heaven unless she forgives herself for M-”
“Stop!” I scream. “Just stop! This isn’t what I want!”
“But it’s what you need,” Luc says, gazing deep into my eyes.
“Go to Hell!”
“I will, but I’m not taking you with me.”
I’m a huge ball of frustrated anger. I want to kill him for stabbing me in the back. “Get out!”
“Frannie?” In my rage, I’d forgotten Grandpa was here. “Talk to me.”
I look at him, and everything is lost in a flood of tears. I hug him and hold on for dear life. He sits on the loveseat, bringing me with him, and I lay my head on his shoulder and cry for what feels like forever. When I lift my head and look around, Luc is gone.
“What did he mean, Frannie? About forgiving yourself?”
The tears well up again, and my throat chokes off. I can’t say it, can I? Not to Grandpa. ’Cause if he hates me, it would kill me. But when I look in his eyes and see all his wisdom. “I killed Matt, Grandpa.”
He doesn’t say anything, but as the tears start to fall again, he pulls me to his chest in a bear hug and I feel safer than I have in ten years. I sink into him, exhausted. When I wake up, he’s still holding me. And then we talk. and I tell him everything.
He doesn’t say anything for a really long time, and I’m sure I’ve ruined everything. Now that he knows what a terrible person I am, things will never be the same. But then he looks me hard in the eye. “Sounds like you’ve been luggin’ this load of horse manure around for a long time.”
He hates me. I knew it. I feel my chest cave in, like my heart just collapsed.
“Listen, Frannie. I wasn’t there and I don’t know what happened, but I do know this heart,” he pats my back, “and it’s a good one. If what ya say is true, it was just a terrible accident.”
I shake my head hard, like maybe I can throw off the guilt. “But I was so mad. I. hated him.”
“I’m pretty sure ya couldn’t hate anything if ya tried, Frannie. Ya don’t have it in ya. Sounds to me like what happened just happened. Nobody’s fault.”
But he’s wrong. It was my fault.
“Everybody’s got their own crap they carry around with them. I know that firsthand. After your grandma died. ” He trails off, shaking his head. He squeezes my shoulders a little tighter. “It’s human nature to blame ourselves when bad stuff happens-to think about what we coulda done so things woulda turned out different.”
I see the guilt on his face and it kills me. “What happened to Grandma wasn’t your fault, Grandpa.” It was mine. I should have tried harder to make Mom come over.
“But that doesn’t mean it ain’t gonna feel that way.” He pulls his arm from around my shoulders and grasps my hand. “You and Matt were closer than most. I don’t know what happened in that tree, but no matter what it was,
I feel the hard ball of cold terror I’ve carried in my chest for the last ten years soften a little around the edges. Part of what he’s saying is true. I didn’t
But that doesn’t make it any less my fault.
I tuck into his side and sit there for hours more.
Chapter 20
Luc
For three days I sat on a tree branch outside Frannie’s window before she would speak to me again. She had a rough time with finals, but it helps to have friends in high places. With some divine intervention she finished okay.
I wasn’t planning on going to graduation. I mean, how many high school diplomas does a guy really need? But then it occurred to me that I may need this one if I’m truly turning mortal.
I’m hiding in the shadows of the scoreboard waiting for Frannie when there’s a tap on my shoulder. I turn and find Gabriel, leaning on the goalpost, smirking at me, and it hits me how blind I am without my sixth sense, which is mostly gone.
He flicks the ridiculous maroon graduation gown fluttering around me. “Nice dress.”
“Go to Hell.”
“Not likely,” he says, shrugging away from the post.
I look over at the grandstand as Frannie shows up with her family.
“Why did you. ” I glance back at Frannie.
“Back off?” he finishes for me. “Because she made her choice.”
“How do you know?”
He smirks at me. “You’re joking, right? Look at yourself.”
And it hits me. I’m on my way to becoming human-and
He smiles. “It was touch and go there for a while.”
“If she. if it had gone the other way, would you have given them up?”
His eyes flick to Frannie and back as his smile pulls to one side and his eyebrow quirks. “Would I have had a choice?”
What I see in his eyes-what he’s trying to hide behind that amused expression, maybe even from himself-is that he’d willingly give up his wings for her.
He steps behind the scoreboard. “Just because you’re no longer a threat to her soul, don’t think I won’t be watching. Give me an excuse, and I’ll smote you on the spot.” And then he disappears-gone, as if he was never there.
I watch from the football field as Frannie’s mom fusses with her hair and cap. Only Frannie could make these ridiculous caps and gowns look so hot. I’m imagining what she’s got on underneath-and underneath that. Hopefully I’ll have a chance to find out later. I already know it’s not her red bra. Maybe something black. and lacy.
She comes out onto the field with Riley and Taylor as her family makes their way onto the bleachers, and I laugh out loud at the look on her dad’s face when she walks over and kisses me. And then I see Grandpa staring at me, his expression stern. But just as I’m about to look away, he smiles and nods in my direction.
Frannie looks up into the stands at her father. “We’re gonna have to do something about that.”
“I think it’s a lost cause,” I say, hoping I’m wrong. I pull her close and kiss her again.
“You guys make me sick. Get a room,” Taylor sneers.
Riley grabs Taylor’s hand and starts pulling her toward the gym. “They’re lining up. Let’s go.”
I loop my arm around Frannie, shooting a glance at her father, and we wind our way through the sea of maroon caps and gowns to the line forming behind the gym.
The music starts and all the good little lemmings walk in double file. They told us to stay two feet apart, but
