Monster

have a chance.

As slowly and as inconspicuously as possible I reached for my nurse’s call button, hoping that Eloise was on duty. My assailants seemed indecisive and fidgety, looking around and, I guess, waiting for the proper moment to make their move. I figured they’d probably stab or suffocate me so as not to make much noise. I pressed my call button several times, hoping to irritate someone, anyone, and have them rush to my room. This, I thought, would persuade my assailants to leave. All the while I was acting as if I was heavily sedated, so much so that I couldn’t tell that I was being sized up. Damn, any other nurse would have responded by now. Just my damn luck. I began to despair and settle for the final rest. Of course, I told myself, I was going to resist. I would swing as much as I could with the cast, kick with my right leg, and bite, if I could. But I was sure I’d lose, and I resigned myself to that end. Just then, as in a Hollywood movie, where the star never gets killed, in rushed Eloise, past the three and to my bedside.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she asked, concerned that something was bothering me medically.

“Listen,” I began in a low voice, “see those three people at the—”

“I can’t hear you,” she said.

“Shhh, listen, listen,” I said, trying to control my voice. “See those three dudes at the door? Don’t look, don’t look!”

“What about ’em, baby?”

“They come to kill me!”

“Oh, there you go dramatizing, you need to—”

“Look,” I said, grabbing Eloise by the collar and yanking her down face-to-face with me, “they come to kill me, now goddammit, do something!” I was speaking low through clenched teeth. For sure she now saw, perhaps for the first time, my thousand-yard stare.

Her eyes grew wide when it registered that I was for real. Even when I let go of her collar she remained in my face.

“Go, now, and handle that,” I told her and, as if hypnotized, she slowly rose to an erect position and strode back toward the door. I watched her through half-closed eyes, hoping they wouldn’t kill both of us. She stopped in their presence and traded words with them. They were out of my earshot. I saw Eloise gesture toward the hallway to the left, turn, and do the same thing toward the right. I had no idea what she was doing. Whatever it was, it worked, and my assailants moved into the hallway and eventually out of my sight. She, too, left my sight, but only for an instant. When I saw her round the corner again and come into the room she had the telephone with her and was moving rather quickly.

“What did you tell ’em?” I asked excitedly.

Thrusting the phone at me she said, “Don’t worry ’bout that, you better call your people, ’cause they comin’ back.”

Not knowing how much time I had before they’d be back, I hastily dialed Li’l Monster’s number. It rung once, twice, three times and… damn, I’d dialed the wrong number. On my second attempt I hit pay dirt.

“Bro, what’s up?” I said quickly into the receiver.

“What’s up?!” Bro shot back and stammered on, “Man, we been tearin’ shit—”

“No, wait, listen. They up here!”

“Who?”

“The Sixties, man. The Sixties!”

“We on our way!”

The connection was broken. I rang for Eloise and she came right away. I explained to her the seriousness of my foes and that it was probably the same three who had originally shot me. I also turned down her offer to get the police. No, we’d handle this ourselves. She looked skeptical, but gave me her word that she wouldn’t call the police. The longest twenty minutes of my life were spent waiting for Li’l Bro and reinforcements.

Finally, I saw Li’l Bro bend the corner, followed by Li’l Spike, Joker, Li’l Crazy De, Stone, China, Bam, and Spooney, the latter three being homegirls. They surrounded my bed so that nothing else was visible but them; then weapons began to materialize from under their heavy clothing. They had mostly hand weapons, a few buck knives, and Li’l Spike had a sawed-off single-shot. Li’l Monster had been out of camp for about nine months and was working in earnest toward his required second level. He displayed all the traits of promise. From under his shirt he produced a .25 automatic, and China came out with a box of bullets.

“This is for you, Bro,” he said, handing me the strap and box of bullets.

“Righteous.” I went on to explain the situation and gave a description of all three. Li’l Spike and Joker went in search of them, while the others stayed to talk. Bro said that he had come to see me while I was in ICU, but I had no recollection of him ever being there. He said he could not stand to see me in such a state. We looked at each other for a long moment, and I could see that he was hurt and wanted to communicate his emotions, but neither of us knew how to do it. So we settled for the unspoken medium of love, each hoping the other would somehow catch the vibes of sincerity.

Crazy De had been in an altercation with some Sixties in the Hall, China told me. No homies had been captured or shot since the Tet had begun, and the set was enjoying tremendous coverage by the media. Li’l Spike and Joker returned with Eloise hot on their heels.

“No sign of them fools,” Li’l Spike said with frustration. “Besides,” he said, pointing his thumb at Eloise, “we got sweated by homelady here.”

“You damn right you got sweated. But tell him what you was doin’. Go on, tell him,” she said loudly.

Neither Joker nor Li’l Spike said a thing, so I asked them what was up.

Joker spoke up first. “Aw, cuz, she bent the corner and caught a muthafucka strikin’ up the ’hood.”

“Gangwritin’, in my hospital. Uhh-uhh, not here you don’t.”

“You don’t own this goddamn hospital, woman, who the—”

“Stall her out, Bam, she down wit’ us,” I said sharply to the homegirl, who was widely known for her belligerence.

“But she—”

“Stall her out,” I repeated, forcefully.

“Kody, visitin’ time is ’bout over anyway.” Eloise was now shooting daggers at Bam, who was returning her stares point for point.

“Awright, but let us get three mo’ minutes, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah, but no mo’ writin’, y’all hear?” she said, looking from one hard face to another.

No one replied. She finally gave a small sigh and left the room. I began to instruct the crew about my plans once I was released. All seemed quite happy to know that I was recovering well, Li’l Bro and China especially. Not to say that there was any less affection from the others, but China and Li’l Monster knew me more intimately, so our link was stronger.

Soon thereafter the crew began to leave. The set sign was thrown in a salute by each homie, and China gave me a kiss on the cheek, promising she’d be back the following day. Bro milled around and waited for the last homie to file out. After a minute he looked at me, then dropped his head. When he raised it again we both had tears in our eyes. I had been touched—wounded—and although it was never verbally communicated, I was Li’l Bro’s hero, the closest thing he had to total invincibility. Everything I did, he did. And now, with my being wounded, he knew that there was someone out there that was stronger, more determined than me. The vast weight of this fell heavy on his shoulders and it became incumbent upon him to destroy that person and “save the world”—our set. At fourteen, that’s a heavy load.

“It’s gonna be all right, it’s gonna be all right,” is all I could say.

To which Bro replied, “Yeah, ’cause I’m gonna make it right. Watch.”

We hugged briefly, as much as my stitches would allow, and then Bro left without looking back. It was times like this that I hated my life. Perhaps this was due to my not knowing answers to certain questions or being able to present my emotions on an intelligible level. Being ignorant is, to me, the equivalent of being dead.

I checked my strap to make sure it was loaded and put it under my pillow. If they came back now it would not be in their interest. Against my better judgment, I dozed off.

Time flew by, and daily I became stronger. China was coming to visit every day and even brought a radio, although only after I had sworn on the set—which was much more religious than swearing to God—not to destroy it like the last one. I got no more calls or unexpected visits, and on January 14th I was discharged. This was the only