much, but he does,” she said, with an almost wistful look on her face as she dropped the scrunched-up towels into the waste bin and took a last look at her appearance. “Strange.”
“I know he’s a cold-blooded bastard, but why is that so strange?” I said, cut to the bone. “Isn’t a man supposed to care about his daughter?”
She turned with an oddly puzzled look on her face, which cleared as she made the connection. “Oh my goodness,” she said, her voice chiding. “You think I mean Richard.”
My own face went totally blank. “Don’t you?”
“Oh no,” she said. She gave a breathless little laugh as she reached for the door. “I was talking about Sean … .”
When we got back to the table, I could tell from the stony expressions on both men’s faces that they hadn’t been chatting about the cricket scores while we’d been gone. As soon as he saw me, Sean got to his feet and, though his movements were as smooth and coordinated as they always were, there was a darkness simmering beneath the surface.
I thought of my mother’s warning, and something bright and cold slithered down my spine in response.
“The bill’s taken care of,” Sean said, scanning my face and clearly not liking what he saw there. “Let’s go.”
We didn’t talk at all on the way back to the hotel, when we left the Navigator in the adjacent parking garage and walked to the elevators, nor from the elevators to our two adjoining rooms, but the silence was deafening. I found myself almost wishing for trouble. Something—
We said an abrupt good night and saw my parents locked down for the night. And when Sean very quietly shut our own door behind us and flicked on the bedside light, the room suddenly seemed very small and very close. We must have accidentally altered the setting on the air con before we went out, too. There was no other explanation for why it seemed hot enough in there to have the sweat break out across my palms and send it crawling along my hairline.
“We should talk about the plan for tomorrow,” I said, desperately scrabbling for casual as I shrugged out of my jacket and slipped it onto a hanger. “For a start, what do we say to Collingwood about—”
Sean’s hands on my shoulders made me jerk in reflexive surprise, going for an instant block before I could countermand the action. He evaded without thinking, spun me round so my back hit the door frame to the bathroom, hard enough to jolt. He’d stripped off his own jacket, I noted dumbly, draped it carelessly across the bed. His face was so tightly controlled he was white with the pressure of it.
“Your father suddenly seemed to remember something of his obligations over dinner,” he said, and his voice was deceptively light. “While you and your mother were out of the way, he took the opportunity to give me the full parental speech.”
“The parental speech?” My heart rate picked up. Not in pace, just in ferocity, so I could feel each vibrating beat like a punch behind my rib cage. “I didn’t think we were gone that long.”
“He was concise—you might almost say pithy—and I got the gist.”
“So … what did he say?”
Sean feathered his grip, letting his hands fall away from my shoulders as though he couldn’t trust himself to leave them there any longer. Bereft of his touch, I shivered.
“He told me not to hurt you any more than he seems to think I have done already,” he said with the careful blankness I’d once heard him use to give an operational briefing on the aftermath of a massacre, disconnecting himself. “He knows I’m pushing you to finally sever ties with the nest and, perhaps, you’re not ready to take that step.”
“I see,” I said, matching my tone to his, detached and impersonal. “If that’s the case, why push me to take it?”
“Apparently, it’s mainly because I’m a selfish bastard—I’m paraphrasing here, you understand,” he said.
He took a pace backwards and leaned his shoulder on the wall opposite, folding his arms so his fingers were tucked under his, armpits. He tilted his head back, staring past me at a point of nowhere as if he had to put effort into remembering words I knew would be acid-etched into his brain.
“He told me you’d already been through more than most people ever have to face in a lifetime. That you’d been broken in every way that mattered—mentally, physically, emotionally. And, in his opinion, the blame for most of it can be laid squarely at my door.”
“That’s rich,” I said, rough with a dangerous cocktail of emotions, “coming from him.”
Sean shrugged. “But, the trouble is, he’s probably right,” he said, and the casual acceptance in his own voice sent a greasy fear sliding through my gut. “So, first thing tomorrow I’ll call Parker and get him to send up Joe McGregor to take over from me. He’ll help you keep them safe until this bloody mess can be sorted out.”
I’d always thought that phrase about your heart sinking was purely metaphorical, but I felt the sudden lurching contraction in my chest. I wanted to say a hundred things, but when I opened my mouth all I actually managed was, “What about you?”
“I’ll go back to New York, see if I can help Parker untangle things at that end.” He sounded matter-of-fact, as though he had nothing to gain or lose by the action.
For a moment I couldn’t react, couldn’t break the paralysis his announcement caused. When he could bear my shocked gaze no longer, Sean lifted himself abruptly away from the wall and moved further into the room, almost restless as he pulled off his tie.
I found my voice, used it to say, “I don’t want McGregor,” and hated the plaintive note.
“Why?” Sean turned back, impatient now, hands on his hips. He carried the Glock high on the right side of his belt, with a slight forward cant. “He’s young but he’s good, and his experience is solid.”
“But he’s not you,” I said, small and subdued. “I want you.”
He let his head snick down and left, biting off whatever retort was forming on his lips, closed his eyes and took a breath.
“You don’t know what you want, Charlie,” he said wearily. He glanced up and the defeat in his eyes terrified me. “I thought, last summer when we were in Ireland, that you knew, that you’d made up your mind. But it only takes a few days in the delightful company of your parents before your resolve all goes to shit.”
He sucked in a breath, let it out slowly as though willing the fragile hold on his temper to last just a little longer. “I’m tired,” he said, flat. “Tired of not being sure how you feel about me. Tired of being shunted out of sight when it suits you, like some dirty little secret—okay to fuck in private, but God forbid you should ever have to acknowledge that fact in public.”
“That’s not fair,” I said, grinding out the words over my distress. “You know damn well we
He shrugged, like it wasn’t worth arguing about anymore, and started to turn away, unfastening the cuffs of his shirt.
Fury blazed. I shoved away from the wall and reached him in two fast strides, grabbing his arm, flipping him to face me.
If I’d been expecting to catch him off form, off balance, I should have known better. Sean twisted out of my grip with the kind of fluid, practiced ease that had always made him so deadly at hand-to-hand. He sidestepped, graceful as a fencer, and sent me sprawling onto the bed like he was brushing away an unwanted fly. Now I wasn’t even worth the trouble of fighting properly.
He’d been carelessly gentle but, even so, I had acquired a lot of new bruises lately and the thump as I landed reminded me of every one of them. I elbowed up and stared at him, my vision starting to shimmer.
“Is that all I am to you, Sean?” I demanded, using anger to drive the shake out of my voice. “A quick fuck?”
He went very still and stared down at me, the only movement in his face a muscle jumping at the side of his jawline.
Maybe if that cautionary note had been sounded by anyone else but her, I might have paid more attention. As it was I cast aside all sanity and threw another stupid, reckless challenge his way. “Only, I’ve been
