pretty sure she had felt my presence too. The question was, what had she felt?
The void was there all the time now, not as an intrusion but rather like a thought mulling away at the back of my head, unresolved. Just thinking about it reinforced the connection with it, calling it forward. So when the flames on the knife held between us had turned black, had she touched that aching emptiness, felt the endlessness of it?
At first I had been frightened by the void but then I began to understand that it knew me, welcomed me, that it was home for me. Blackbird didn't have that connection. She was something else, a creature of fire and air. Did that mean it felt different for her? Did it frighten her. Repel her? I wanted to ask her, but it was too close to other questions I was avoiding. I had seen Blackbird embrace a monster, shaggy with hair and with tusks for teeth. But the Feyre didn't tell stories of trolls to frighten their children. The Feyre had a different idea of what constituted a monster. They frightened their children with the wraithkin.
Walking along the lane, the hedges silhouetted against the moonlight, I wondered. Was my future to become like Raffmir and his sister?
'How are you feeling?'
She hadn't raised her voice but it sounded loud in the stillness broken only by the rhythmic trudge of our feet. How was I feeling? In the context of my thoughts it was not such an innocent question.
'OK, I guess. Tired.'
'It's been a long day for you.'
'And a strange one. Full of surprises.' I glanced sideways at her, seeing only her outline.
'Yes, for me as well.'
A car came out of the dark towards us and I dropped back behind her to allow it to pass more easily. It rolled down the lane, coasting past us, its lights bright then gone as it faded into the lanes. I increased my pace to catch up with her, feeling even that small effort draw on my depleted reserves.
'Not far now,' she encouraged.
We came to the first streetlight of the village and passed beneath it. Houses bunched along the road and a few windows still had curtains drawn back showing families clustered around the bluish light of the TV. A man walked a dog towards us, the dog pulling at the lead to investigate the strangers and then trailing behind to sniff at our passing. At least it didn't start howling.
The Chequers was an island of brightness in the village, the car park half-full and the noise of rock music emanating from the bar. It was a large two-storey building with a high peaked roof and tall bay windows with mock-Tudor beams painted black against the white of the walls. We followed the signs to the lounge bar where it was quieter. It was still brash after the quiet intimacy of the darkened lane. There were a few couples sitting at tables and a group of friends, drinking and laughing at the far end of the bar.
'A very good evening to you both. What can I get you?' The landlord was a stocky man, with a neatly trimmed beard and bushy eyebrows. The welcome was warm considering that he must have known we weren't local.
'Mrs Highsmith phoned for us earlier, about accommodation?' Blackbird explained.
'Ah, yes. I spoke to her myself. It's for the one night, is it?'
'Yes please.'
I leaned against a bar-stool.
'And it's just the one room, or is it two?'
'One,' she said.
'Two, please,' I said at exactly the same time.
She turned and looked up at me, and there was something in her eyes I hadn't expected. She looked hurt.
'One,' I said to the landlord.
'Two,' she said at the same time.
She laughed and the hurt vanished, replaced by amusement.
She lifted a hand and pressed her forefinger against my lips, hushing me with a touch.
'We'll have one room please,' she clarified, glancing sideways at the landlord.
'You're sure? It's a double, but we charge the same for two singles.' The landlord was amused at our confusion.
'Quite sure,' she confirmed. Her eyes gleamed up at me and she lifted her finger away slowly, daring me to contradict her.
'Right you are then. The missus is just airing the room for you now, but it'll be a few minutes yet. Would you like a drink while you wait? The kitchen will be closing soon, so if you want food, you'd best order straight away.'
My stomach rumbled in answer to that. 'Food would be great,' I told him.
He passed a menu from along the bar. It offered pub-grub standards like lasagne and fried scampi in breadcrumbs. Everything came with chips.
Blackbird quickly settled on a shepherd's pie and I chose steak. We ordered the local brew and the landlord pulled us two pints of fragrant dark beer before taking our food order through to the kitchen. We took our drinks to a table away from the noise of the other customers.
The foam of the beer made a moustache across my upper lip, which amused Blackbird. I felt a little awkward after the discussion about the room. Did that mean we were spending the night together or was it that she didn't trust me to spend a night alone without getting into some sort of trouble? We were safe here, weren't we? No one but the Highsmiths knew we were here.
'A pigeon for your thoughts,' she offered.
'It's a penny, a penny for your thoughts.'
'Not where I come from,' she grinned.
I smiled in response and shook my head. 'I don't think I'm thinking clearly enough to translate my thoughts into anything worthy of a pigeon.'
'It's certainly been a full day,' she admitted, resting back against the padding of the bench seat. 'I'm glad we came here, rather than trying to stay at the farm.'
'I think Mrs Highsmith would have found that difficult. They are a lot like the people from where I grew up, in Kent. It's the same sort of countryside, similar background. The people keep to themselves, not trusting outsiders.'
'The Highsmiths are good people.'
'Yes, Jeff will have some explaining to do when this is over, don't you think?'
'That might be a conversation to stay clear of. Do you think they'll be able to do it, in one night?'
'We have to trust them to do their part. I don't know anyone else who can do this for us, do you?'
'No.'
'Then we just have to assume they can and they will. We won't know until tomorrow in any case.'
We lapsed into silence, the boisterous noise from the group of friends filling the room.
'So tell me what it was like, growing up in Kent?' she asked.
It was a neutral topic, away from the trials that tomorrow might bring, so I told her about the village in Kent where people from ten miles away were considered foreigners and everyone knew everyone else's business. She was a good listener and I found myself talking about favourite pets, long departed, and running wild across the countryside with a gang of similarly unkempt children. I told her about making arrows from bamboo sticks filched from the potting shed and bows from willow branches and how we had shot the arrows as far as they would go, just for the fun of running after them and seeing where they landed.
'It wasn't a safe childhood,' I told her, 'but it was adventurous. I went weir riding, just the once. The kids that I hung out with had all done it and they dared me. They would get a fertilizer bag and hang off the bridge on the upstream side and then drop and ride the mill-race down into the pool at the bottom.'
'I thought you said you couldn't swim.'
'I can't. And after that I didn't want to. I had this idea that I could grab the bridge on the other side as I passed and climb up. The mill-race was covered in slippery weed and when the moment came I couldn't reach and it swept me down into the roiling water at the bottom. I was pulled under, into the churning river, deep into the hole carved out by the tumbling water, turning and twisting. My lungs burned while I thrashed about, unable to tell which way was up.'
