'That's not what I meant.'
'But you're not stuck in here. You can go out whenever you like. You don't have to be cooped up in your room all the time like a freaking prisoner!'
'You're not a prisoner. You can go out. There are all the grounds, you have the freedom of the house for the most part.'
'It's just a bigger prison, Dad,' she said.
'Look, everyone says you're doing really well, but to be able to go out you have to do better than that. You can't just lose your temper and blow the drain covers off because someone looks at you funny.'
'I've never blown drain covers off! Now you're making stuff up about me!' she protested.
'You can go out when you can keep a hold on your temper, and a lid on your abilities.' I stood up. 'Until then you're not safe. So it's up to you. Prove to me that you can control yourself and I'll take you out.'
'To see Mum?' she brightened.
'I'll think about it.'
Her expression fell. 'No, then.'
'Like I said, I'll think about it.'
'Yeah, you always say that when you don't want to say no, but you're not going to say yes,' she said.
'Some things aren't as easy as yes and no, Alex. Maybe if you grew up a bit and took some responsibility for yourself you'd understand that.'
Now she looked sulky.
'You could start by actually practicing some of the control you're supposed to be developing. How many fish can you actually bring to the surface?'
'Seven.' The lie was plain again.
'Alex, you're not helping yourself.' I moved to the door. 'I have things to do, and so do you, if you would only do some of them. I can't keep cleaning up after you.'
'Oh, so it's my fault the government was torturing prisoners is it? It's my fault that Porton Down was experimenting on innocent people?'
'No,' I said, 'but it's your choice how you deal with it.'
'You're only saying that because you don't want to explain to Mum.'
'I'm only saying it because it's true. I'm trying to help you.'
'Maybe I don't want help. Maybe I'm beyond help.'
'Look', I said. 'Neither of us can go back, but both of us can go forward. Learn to deal with things as they are and you'll be happier for it.' I stood in the doorway. 'Think about it.'
'My life sucks,' she said.
'Everyone's life sucks at one time or another. There are people around you who care, but they can't help you if you won't help yourself. You can lay on your bed and sulk all your life or you can get up and do something.'
'When you and Mum broke up, you did something. You left. You walked out the door and you left me — with her! You've no idea what she was like.'
'That's not fair, Alex.' Though I knew very well what Katherine was like.
'Yeah, well. Life's not fair. That's what you always say.'
'That's because it's true,' I said 'Your mother gave me no choice. I didn't like it and it wasn't fair, but that's the way it was. It's about time you learned that life isn't perfect and you have to make the best of what you've got. Grow up, Alex.'
The remark came out harsher than I'd intended and her eyes brimmed. She turned away to face the window.
I swept out and retreated down the corridor, feeling that once more I was in the wrong no matter what I did. She knew she'd struck a nerve with her last remark, but then she knew where all my soft spots were and never failed to exploit them. Now I had said too much and I was automatically in the wrong.
I bunched my fists as I walked away. Kids!
When I got back to our rooms, Blackbird was leafing through the folders I had left on the desk.
'Those are supposed to be confidential,' I said.
'Secret is what it says here,' she said, checking the front of the file.
'Wouldn't that imply that you shouldn't be reading them?'
'They're not really secret. No one would be stupid enough to leave secret documents lying around on a desk where anyone might read them,' she pointed out.
'Touche.' There was not much point in grabbing them back now. She was most of the way through the pile.
'Where's the baby?'
'Going to sleep.'
'I'll just go check on him.'
'If you go in there now you'll wake him up again. Leave him be. If he has a nap now he'll be much nicer to know later. Otherwise he'll just be crabby all day, and it won't be you that has to suffer.'
I bit my tongue on the reply to that.
'You could have seen him when he was having a bath. I heard you sneak in earlier.'
'I was on my way to see Alex.'
'Really? How is she?' she said.
'Sulking.'
'I could hear you across the courtyard.'
'Yes, that went well, didn't it?' My shoulders sagged in resignation. 'She's bored. She wants me to take her to see Katherine.'
'You're going to have to take her eventually.'
'I know. I said I'd think about it.'
Blackbird looked up from the files. 'You need to do more than think about it, Niall. Perhaps if you were to see Katherine alone, just to begin with.'
'If I even hint that Alex is alive then Katherine will want to see her. After all she's been through she'll need to see Alex for herself.'
'Then you're just going to have to grasp the nettle, aren't you?' she pointed out.
'I'm trying to think of a way to do it that won't seem like I lied to her. Alex does have a point.'
'By delaying you are only making it worse,' she said. 'If you'd told her as soon as Alex got back you might have a leg to stand on, but as it is…'
'Alex had no control whatsoever to begin with. She was still in shock after what happened. How could I take her to her mother in that state? With her emotions driving her power, anything might have happened. She was a danger to herself and everyone around her. She still is.'
'Nonsense. She's no worse than any other teenager.'
'I spoke to Fionh earlier and she said she's not ready to join the courts.'
'And what would Fionh know? When was the last time Fionh had anything to do with anyone under a hundred years old?'
'She's the one coaching Alex. She has the most contact with her.'
'She's a Warder, Niall. With all that entails.'
'What does that mean?' It didn't escape my attention that I was also a Warder, so that particular criticism was aimed at me too.
Blackbird shook her head and went back to reading the files. 'Where did these come from?'
'Originally they were from Porton Down. They were passed to Garvin from Secretary Carler, the civil servant who looks after relations with the six courts.'
'What are you supposed to do with them?'
'I'm supposed to find the people mentioned in them. Why?'
'They read like scientific mumbo-jumbo. What do you think morphological instability is?'
'In what context?'
'Andy exhibits signs of morphological instability, exhibiting severe disassociation and fragmentation,' she read from the file.
