'They are different kind of men now,' I said. 'They went and changed themselves and they'll never be the same. Even if they could change back, it wouldn't be the same.'
Doc mocked me a little. 'The race will build a monument to you. Maybe actually on Earth itself, with all the other famous humans, for bringing back this stuff. They'd be just blind enough to do it.'
I got up and paced the floor. 'I don't want any monument. I'm not bringing it in. I'm not having anything more to do with it.' I stood there, wishing we had never found the silo, for what had it done for me except to lose me the best crew and the best friends a man had ever had?
'The ship is mine,' I said. 'That is all I want. I'll take the cargo to the nearest point and dump it there. Hutch and the rest of them can carry on from there, any way then can. They can have the honesty and honour. I'll get another crew.' Maybe, I thought, some day it would be almost the way it had been. Almost, but not quite.
'We'll go on hunting,' I said. 'We'll dream about the jackpot. We'll do our best to find it. We'll do anything to find it. We'll break all the laws of God or man to find it. But you know something, Doc?'
'No, I don't,' said Doc.
'I hope we never find it. I don't want to find another. I just want to go on hunting.'
We stood there in the silence, listening to the fading echoes of those days we hunted for the jackpot.
'Captain,' said Doc, 'will you take me along?'
I nodded. What was the difference? He might just as well.
'Captain, you remember those insect mounds on Suud?'
'Of course. How could I forget them?'
'You know, I've figured out a way we might break into them. Maybe we should try it. There should be a billion…'
I almost clobbered him.
I'm glad now that I didn't.
Suud is where we're headed.
If Doc's plan works out, we may hit that jackpot yet!
Death Scene
She was waiting on the stoop of the house when he turned into the driveway and as he wheeled the car up the concrete and brought it to a halt he was certain she knew, too.
She had just come from the garden and had one arm full of flowers and she was smiling at him just a shade too gravelly.
He carefully locked the car and put the keys away in the pocket of his jacket and reminded himself once again, 'Matter- of-factly, friend. For it is better this way.'
And that was the truth, he reassured himself. It was much better than the old way. It gave a man some time.
He was not the first and he would not be the last and for some of them it was rough, and for others, who had prepared themselves, it was not so rough and in time, perhaps, it would become a ritual so beautiful and so full of dignity one would look forward to it. It was more civilized and more dignified than the old way had been and in another hundred years or so there could be no doubt that it would become quite acceptable.
All that was wrong with it now, he told himself, was that it was too new. It took a little time to become accustomed to this way of doing things after having done them differently through all of human history.
He got out of the car and went up the walk to where she waited for him. He stooped and kissed her and the kiss was a little longer than was their regular custom?and a bit more tender. And as he kissed her he smelled the summer flowers she carried, and he thought how appropriate it was that he should at this time smell the flowers from the garden they both loved.
'You know,' he said and she nodded at him.
'Just a while ago,' she said. 'I knew you would be coming home. I went out and picked the flowers.'
'The children will be coming, I imagine.'
'Of course,' she said, 'They will come right away.'
He looked at his watch, more from force of habit than a need to know the time. 'There is time,' he said. 'Plenty of time for all of them to get here. I hope they bring the kids.'
'Certainly they will,' she said. 'I went to phone them once, then I thought how silly.'
He nodded. 'We're of the old school, Florence. It's hard even yet to accept this thing?to know the children will know and come almost as soon as we know. It's still a little hard to be sure of a thing like that.'
She patted his arm. 'The family will be all together. There'll be time to talk. We'll have a splendid visit.'
'Yes, of course,' he said.
He opened the door for her and she stepped inside.
'What pretty flowers,' he said.
'They've been the prettiest this year that they have ever been.'
'That vase,' he said. 'The one you got last birthday. The blue and gold. That's the one to use.'
'That's exactly what I thought. On the dining table.'
She went to get the vase and he stood in the living-room and thought how much he was a part of this room and this room a part of him. He knew every inch of it and it knew him as well and it was a friendly place, for he'd spent years making friends with it.
Here he'd walked the children of nights when they had been babies and been ill of cutting teeth or croup or colic, nights when the lights in this room had been the only lights in the entire block. Here the family had spent many evening hours in happiness and peace?and it had been a lovely thing, the peace.
For he could remember the time when there had been no peace, nowhere in the world, and no thought or hope of peace, but in its place the ever-present dread and threat of war, a dread that had been so commonplace that you scarcely noticed it, a dread you came to think was a normal part of living.
Then, suddenly, there had been the dread no longer, for you could not fight a war if your enemy could look ahead an entire day and see what was about to happen. You could not fight a war and you could not play a game of baseball or any sort of game, you could not rob or cheat or murder, you could not make a killing in the market. There were a lot of things you could no longer do and there were times when it spoiled a lot of fun, for surprise and anticipation had been made impossible. It took a lot of getting used to and a lot of readjustment, but you were safe, at least, for there could be no war?not only at the moment, but forever and forever, and you knew that not only were you safe, but your children safe as well and their children and your children's children's children and you were willing to pay almost any sort of price for such complete assurance.
It is better this way, he told himself, standing in the friendly room. It is much better this way. Although at times it's hard.
He walked across the room and through it to the porch and stood on the porch steps looking at the flowers. Florence was right, he thought; they were prettier this year than any year before. He tried to remember back to some year when they might have been prettier, but he couldn't quite be sure. Maybe the autumn when young John had been a baby, for that year the mums and asters had been particularly fine. But that was unfair, he told himself, for it was not autumn now, but summer.
It was impossible to compare summer flowers with autumn. Or the year when Mary had been ill so long?the lilacs had been so deeply purple and had smelled so sweet; he remembered bringing in great bouquets of them each evening because she loved them so. But that was no comparison, for the lilacs bloomed in spring.
A neighbour went past on the sidewalk outside the picket fence and he spoke gravely to her: 'Good afternoon, Mrs. Abrams.'
'Good afternoon, Mr. Williams,' she said and that was the way it always was, except on occasions she would stop a moment and they'd talk about the flowers. But today she would not stop unless he made it plain he would like to have her stop, for otherwise she would not wish to intrude upon him.
That was the way it had been at the office, he recalled.
He'd put away his work with sure and steady hands?as sure and steady as he could manage them. He'd walked to the rack and got down his hat and no one had spoken to him, not a single one of them had kidded him
