red-pencil mark.

'This isn't true!' yelled Morgan. 'What kind of come-on is this?'

'It's substantially true,' Homer answered quietly. 'That's what it figures out to.'

'You mean I just pay $4.16 a month?'

'Well,' hedged Homer, 'it's not quite as simple as all that. You lease it for ninety-nine years.'

'What would I want with a house for ninety-nine years? I won't live that long.'

'Actually, it's better than owning a house. You can live there a lifetime, just as if you owned the place, and there are no taxes and no maintenance. And if you have children, they can go on living there.'

'You mean this is on the level?'

Homer emphatically nodded. 'Absolutely.'

'What's wrong with this house of yours?'

'There's nothing wrong with it. It's a new house among other new houses in an exclusive neighbourhood. You have a shopping centre just up the road that's as good as any city…'

'You say it's new?'

'Right. There are fifty houses. You can pick out the one you want. But I wouldn't take too long to decide, because these will go like hotcakes.'

'I got my car outside.'

'All right,' said Homer, reaching for his hat. 'I'll take my car and show you the way. The houses are unlocked. Look at them and choose the one you want.'

Out on the street, Homer got into his car and sat down on something angular. He cursed because it hurt. He lifted himself and reached down and picked up the thing he'd sat on.

It was nothing he had ever seen before and he tossed it to the other side of the seat. It was, he thought, something like one of those clip-together plastic blocks that were made for children but how it had gotten in his car, he could not imagine.

He wheeled out into the street and signalled for the Morgan car to follow.

There were Mrs. Morgan and Jack, a hell-raising eight-year-old, and Judy, a winsome five-year-old, and Butch, the Boxer pup. All of them, Homer saw, were taken by surprise at the sight of Happy Acres. He could tell by the way Mrs. Morgan clasped her hands together and by the way suspicion darkened Morgan's face. One could almost hear him thinking that no on was crazy enough to offer a deal like this.

Jack and Butch, the pup, went running in the woods and Judy danced gaily on the lawn and, Homer told himself, he had them neatly hooked.

Homer spent a busy day. His phone was jammed with calls. House-hunting families, suspicious, half-derisive, descended on the office. He did the best he could. He'd never had a crowd like this before. He directed the house- hunting families out to Happy Acres. He patiently explained to callers that it was no hoax, that there were houses to be had. He urged all of them to hurry and make up their minds.

'They won't last long,' he told them, intoning unctuously that most ancient of all real estate selling gimmicks.

After church, Elaine came down to the office to help him with the phone while he talked to the prospects who dropped in.

Late in the afternoon, he drove out to Happy Acres. The place was an utter madhouse. It looked like a homecoming or a state fair or a monster picnic. People were wandering around, walking through the houses. One had three windows broken. The floors were all tracked up. Water faucets had been left running. Someone had turned on a hose and washed out a fiowerbed.

He tried to talk with some of them, but he made no headway.

He went back to the office and waited for the rush to start.

There wasn't any rush.

A few phone calls came in and he assured the callers it was on the level. But they were still hard to convince. He went home beat.

He hadn't leased a house.

Morgan was the first one who came back. He came back alone, early Monday morning. He was still suspicious. 'Look,' he said, 'I'm an architect. I know what houses cost. What's the catch?'

'The catch is that you pay five thousand cash for a ninety-nine-year lease.'

'But that's no catch. That's like buying it. The normal house when it stands a hundred years, has long since lost its value.'

'There's another catch,' said Homer. 'The builder won't lease to you unless you buy a new car from him.'

'That's illegal!' shouted Morgan.

'I wouldn't know. Nobody's forcing you to take the offer.'

'Let's forget about the car for the moment,' Morgan urged. 'What I want to know is, how can the builder put up a place like that for five thousand dollars? I know for a fact that he can't.'

'So do I. But if he wants to lose a lot of money, who are we to stop him?'

Morgan pounded on the desk. 'What's the gimmick, Jackson?'

'The builder wears his shoes on the wrong feet, if that means anything to you.'

Morgan stared at him. 'I think you're crazy, too. What would that have to do with it?'

'I don't know,' said Homer. 'I just mentioned it, thinking it might help you.'

'Well, it doesn't.'

Homer sighed. 'It's got me puzzled, too.'

Morgan picked up his hat and jammed it on his head. 'I'll be seeing you,' he said. It sounded like a threat.

'I'll be right here,' said Homer as Morgan went out slamming the door.

Homer went down to the drugstore for a cup of coffee. When he got back, a second visitor was waiting for him. The man sat stiffly in a chair and tapped nervous fingers on his briefcase, held primly in his lap. He looked as if he'd eaten something sour. 'Mr. Jackson,' he said, 'I represent the County Realtors' Association.'

'Not interested,' said Homer. 'I've gotten along for years without joining that outfit. I can get along a few years more.'

'I'm not here to solicit membership. I am here about that ad of yours in the paper yesterday.'

'Good ad, I thought. It brought in a lot of business.'

'It's exactly the kind of advertising that our association frowns upon. It is, if you will pardon the expression, nothing but a come-on.'

'Mr… by the way, what is your name?'

'Snyder,' said the man.

'Mr. Snyder, if you happen to be in the market for a place out in this area at the ridiculously low cost of $4.16 a month, I shall be glad to show you any one of fifty houses. If you have a moment, I can drive you out.'

The man's mouth snapped together like a trap. 'You know what I mean, Jackson. This is fraudulent advertising and you know it is. It is misrepresentation. We mean to show it is.'

Homer pitched his hat on top of the filing cabinet and sat in his chair. 'Snyder,' he said, 'you're cluttering up the place. You've done your duty?you've warned me. Now get out of here.'

It wasn't exactly what he had meant to say and he was surprised at himself for saying it. But now that it was said, there was no way of recalling it and he rather liked the feel of strength and independence that it gave him.

'There is no use flying off the handle,' said Snyder. 'We could talk this over.'

'You came in and made your threat,' Homer retorted. 'There's nothing to talk over. You said you were going to get me, so come ahead and get me.'

Snyder got to his feet savagely. 'You'll regret this, Jackson.'

'Maybe so,' admitted Homer. 'Sure you don't need a house?'

'Not from you,' said Snyder, and went stalking out.

Must have hurt their weekend sales, Homer told himself, watching Snyder go stumping down the street.

He sat quietly, thinking. He'd known there would be trouble, but there had been no way he could have passed up the deal.

Not with Elaine set on that trip to Europe.

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