The Complete Roderick

sign.

‘Murderer!’

O’Smith felt the blast of bad breath, saw NO FASCH and felt the impact; before he could argue the truth of the accusation, or demonstrate it, he was down and out.

V

The room that had been a lab was nearly empty now, its grey floor material marked with pale squares and rectangles. In one corner two men wearing the orange uniforms of Custodial Services struggled to lift the last large cabinet, revealing the last pale rectangle. In the opposite corner Dan sat at a table sorting papers into two piles. Franklin paced up and down, stepping carefully in the pale parts. Finally he hunkered down and lit a cigarette.

‘Christ,’ he exhaled. ‘Seeing all this you might think we’d lost out or something.’

‘Maybe we did, in a way.’

‘Like hell. Lee’s just the same, moping around his office like a Jehovah’s Witness the day after the world didn’t end. I mean what the hell’s wrong with you two, we’ve got the green light on this, now we can really be —’

A thump from the other corner made him look up. ‘Careful, fellas. That stuffs expensive.’

One of the men put down his end of the cabinet and turned around. ‘Listen, you think you can move this fuckin’ ton a junk any better, you just come over and try.’

‘Okay, I just, okay.’

‘Smartass perfessers.’

He waited until the two had lifted their burden on to a trolley and wheeled it out of the room. ‘Be lucky if anything works when we get moved. I don’t know where Custodial gets these guys. Saw one in the hall just now didn’t even have a uniform; old clothes and a straggly beard looked like it had mange on one side. Only reason I knew he worked here was I saw him carrying a box of your stuff. Can’t be two Bugleboy Peanut Butter cartons on the whole campus.’

‘Him? That’s, that’s a guy I used to know. Keeping some stuff for me.’ A grubby notebook with a loose page flopped on one pile.

Franklin waved his cigarette. ‘Look, this move to a new lab is just what we need, a chance to really get organized.’

‘What for?’

‘I mean, don’t you want to see this project running like any other, teamwork, I mean a team, I mean — listen, this is a hell of a time to deliver an ultimatum, but to put it bluntly if I don’t get some real work to do around here, I quit. Already told Lee, he sees my point, I work or I walk.’

Dan squared up a stack of dog-eared sheets. ‘Well, maybe we should all just quit. Now that Roderick’s safe, well…’

‘Quit? But we haven’t even begun, what do you mean “safe”? Of course he’s safe, we’ve got the green light, the, now we can really go ahead—’

Dan looked at the two stacks of yellowing paper. ‘I’ve got one or two things to clear up here. Okay if I meet you in Lee’s office in a few minutes?’

‘Okay, sure.’ Ben Franklin patted his moustache. ‘I mean it’s always “wait a minute” with me, right? Always okay if I just hang around — okay, okay I’m going.’

When he was alone, Dan shuffled the two piles into one. When the men in orange returned, he said:

‘Would you guys do me a favour?’

The black one looked suspicious. ‘What favour?’

Dan pointed to the little door in the wall marked RECYCLING, PAPER ONLY. ‘The chute in here is blocked or something. Would you drop this stuff in somebody else’s chute?’

‘Yeah, okay prof.’

‘Is that you, Dr Fong?’

‘Grrrp.’

‘Oh, very funny. You won’t feel like making funny noises when you hear what I’ve got to say. This is Dr George Tarr. I think you know the name.’

‘Grrrrrupf.’

‘Just keep it up, keep it up. I’m recording this, you — you — now listen, I’m very disappointed about the way you finagled this committee vote. Very disappointed.’

‘Grrp. Excuse me it’s my stom—’

‘As a matter of fact I’ve just called my lawyer and he says we have a good case against you. Hear that? A good case.’

‘But I don’t know what you — errrp — excuse—’

‘Because I happen to know there were six members of the committee firmly committed to my project, and only three on your side. So the only way you could have got a vote eight-seven in your favour was to sabotage the whole system. I don’t know what you did, maybe something to the computer, but you won’t get away with it. I just called up to tell you — we know.’

‘Know? Mmgrrpl.’

‘Under the Freedom of Information Act we have access to the computer too, you know. And I have the printout right here in front of me. I have the facts and figures!’

‘Don’t know what you’re talk—’

‘Don’t you? A fix, that’s what I’m talking about, a fix! Because how else do you explain it — only three out of fifteen people actually wanted your damned robot — twice as many people wanted my project — yet you won! I don’t know whether you bought votes or fixed the comp — but I mean to find out. See you in court, Doctor Fong!’

University of Minnetonka Special Emergency Finance Committee Voting Record Part 189077

Number of Cttee memb	=18
Quorum	=12
Number Present	=15
Casting Vote Inoperative Number Votes Cast	=15

Preference Indicators:

F: Fong (Proj Roderick)

T: Tarr (Proj Ripoff)

O: Neither (No Award)