I don’t know who I am anymore.
Tonight, with Damon, I could almost picture my life if I took what he offered me, became his “dark princess.” The two of us, hand in hand, strong and beautiful and free. Everything I wanted without having to lift a finger, from jewels to clothes to wonderful food. A life above the concerns I used to have, somewhere far away. Experiencing and seeing wonders I can’t even imagine.
It would have to be a world without Stefan, though. He’s shut me out, utterly. But seeing me with Damon—not just kissing, but being who Damon wants me to be—would hurt him, I know.
And I can’t stand to do that anymore.
It’s like there are two paths in front of me. One goes into the daylight, and it’s the ordinary girl I thought I wanted to be: parties and classes and eventually a job and a house and a normal life.
Stefan wants to give me that. The other is in the darkness, with Damon, and I’m just starting to realize how much that world has to offer, and how much I want to experience everything it holds.
I always thought Stefan would be with me on the daylit path. But now I’ve lost him, and that path seems so lonely. Maybe the dark path really is my future. Maybe Damon is right, and I belong with him, in the night.
“I can’t wait to see my surprise.” Bonnie giggled as she and Zander crossed the lawn of the science building hand in hand. “You’re so romantic. Wait til I tel the guys.” Zander brushed a feather-light kiss across her cheek, his lips warm. “They already know I’ve lost al my cool guy points for you. I sang karaoke with you last night.” Bonnie snickered. “Wel , after I introduced you to Dirty Dancing, we had to sing the big duet, right? I can’t believe you’d never seen that movie before.”
“It’s because I used to be manly,” Zander admitted. “But now I’ve seen the error of my ways.” He gave her one of his slow smiles, and Bonnie’s knees nearly buckled. “It was a cute movie.”
They reached the bottom of the fire escape, and Zander boosted her up and then climbed after her. When they got to the roof, Zander gestured expansively at the scene before them. “For our six-week anniversary, Bonnie, a re-creation of our first date.”
“Oh! That’s so sweet!” Bonnie looked around. There was the ragged army blanket, covered with the pizza box and sodas. The stars shone overhead, just as they had six weeks ago. It was sweet; it was a romantic idea even if their first date hadn’t been al that amazing. Then she corrected herself: it had actual y been a pretty amazing date, even though it had been simple.
She took a seat on the blanket, then peeked into the pizza box and involuntarily grinned. Olive, sausage, and mushroom. Her favorite. “At least one improvement in the re-creation, though, I see.”
Zander sat next to her and slipped his arm around her shoulders. “Of course I know what you like on your pizza now,” he said. “Got to pay attention to my girl.” Bonnie snuggled up under his arm, and they shared the pizza, gazing at the stars and talking cozily about this and that. When the pizza was al gone, Zander wiped his greasy hands careful y with a napkin, then took both of Bonnie’s hands in his. “I need to talk to you,” he said seriously, his sky-blue eyes intent on hers.
“Okay,” Bonnie said nervously, a flash of panic starting in her stomach. Surely Zander wouldn’t have brought her al the way up here and re-created their first date if he was planning to dump her, would he? No, that was a ridiculous idea. But he looked so solemn and worried. “You’re not sick, are you?” she asked, horrified by the idea.
The corner of Zander’s mouth twitched up into a smile.
“You’re so funny, Bonnie,” he said. “You just say whatever pops into your head. That’s one of the reasons why I love you.” Bonnie’s heart leaped into her throat, and she felt her cheeks flush. Zander loved her?
Zander got serious again. “I mean it,” he said. “I know it’s real y early, and you don’t have to feel like you need to say something back, but I wanted you to know that I’m fal ing in love with you. You’re amazing. I’ve never felt like this before. Never.”
Tears of happy surprise sprang into Bonnie’s eyes, and she sniffed, squeezing Zander’s hands tightly. “I feel it, too,” she said in a tiny voice. “These last few weeks have been amazing. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever had as much fun as I do with you. We get each other, you know?” They kissed, a long, slow, sweet kiss. Bonnie leaned against Zander and sighed contentedly. She’d never been so comfortable. Then Zander pul ed away.
Bonnie reached out for him, but Zander took her hands again and gazed into her eyes. “It’s because I’m fal ing in love with you,” he said slowly, “that I have to tel you something. You have the right to know.” He squeezed his eyes closed tightly for a moment, then opened them again, looking at Bonnie as if he wanted to climb into her head and find out how she was going to react to what he said next. “I’m a werewolf,” he said flatly.
Bonnie sat frozen for a minute, her mind scrambling to understand. Then she shrieked and pul ed her hands away from him, jumping to her feet. “Oh no,” she gasped. “Oh my God.” Images were rushing through her mind: Tyler Smal wood’s face twisting, grotesquely lengthening into a muzzle, his newly yel ow and slit-pupiled eyes glaring at her with vicious, bloodthirsty hatred. Meredith crumpled on her bed like an abandoned dol , blank-eyed as she told them how Samantha’s body had been mauled. The flash of white-blond hair Meredith had seen when she chased a dark-clad figure away from a screaming girl. The black bruises on Zander’s side.
“Meredith and Elena were right,” she said, backing away from him.
“No! No, it’s not like that, Bonnie, please,” Zander said, scrambling to his feet so that they stood facing each other.
His face was white and strained. “I’m a good werewolf, I swear, I don’t … we don’t hurt people.”
“Liar!” Bonnie shouted, furious. “I’ve known werewolves, Zander. To become one, you have to be a killer!” With that, she was off, scrambling down the fire escape to the relative safety of the ground. Don’t look back, don’t look back, hammered inside her head. Get away, get away.
“Bonnie!” Zander cal ed from the top of the fire escape, and she heard him clattering down after her.
Bonnie jumped the last few feet from the bottom of the fire escape and landed hard, stumbling. She straightened up and started to run immediately. She had to get inside, had to find somewhere she wouldn’t be alone.
Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed movement in the shadows of the building. Jared and Tristan and, oh no, big muscular Marcus. Werewolves, she realized, just like Zander, part of his pack. Bonnie thought she was moving as quickly as she could, but, as they came into the light, she found a fresh spurt of speed.
