“You probably won't even feel it,” he said, handing her a dish of ice cream, which they shared with two spoons.
“I hope not,” she agreed, trying to forget her fears. “What do you want to do tomorrow?”
“Why don't we get the tree, and decorate it before Mom and Dad come home? It might be a nice surprise for them.” She liked the idea, she liked doing things for them, and being part of their family. And that night when she went to bed in Annie's room, Tommy sat next to her for a long time, and then lay beside her on the narrow bed that had been Annie's. “We could sleep in my parents' room, you know. We'd have enough room and they'd never know it.” But they had promised they'd be good, and Maribeth wanted to hold him to it.
“Yes, they would,” she said firmly. “Parents know everything.”
“That's what my mom thinks,” he grinned. “Come on, Maribeth. We won't get another chance. They go away about once every five years.”
“I don't think your mom would want us sleeping in her bed,” she said primly.
Okay, then sleep in mine. It's bigger than this,” he complained, rolling toward the floor for the tenth time, while she giggled. They didn't have to sleep together at all, but they both wanted to. It was so cozy being together.
“All right.” She followed him into his room, and they snuggled up in his bed, in her nightgown and his pajamas, with their arms around each other, giggling and talking, like two kids, and then he kissed her, long and slow and hard, and they both got aroused, but two weeks before her baby was due, there was very little they could do about it. He kissed her breasts and she moaned, and she fondled him, and he was so hard and stiff that he was actually in pain as she held him. And she kept reminding herself that what they were doing was wrong, except that they didn't really think so. It didn't feel wrong to be with him, it felt like the only place she ever wanted to be, for the rest of time, and as she lay there with him, feeling her belly between them, she wondered for the first time if one day they would really be together.
“This is how I want it to be,” he said, as he held her in his arms, and they both started to get sleepy. They had stayed aroused for as long as they could stand, and had finally agreed that they had to calm down and stop playing. All their antics had even started to give her contractions. “I just want to be with you for the rest of my life,” he said sleepily, “and one day the baby in your belly will be ours, Maribeth …that's what I want …”
“So do I …” She meant it but she wanted other things too, just as his mother had, before she married his father.
“I can wait for you. My dad waited for my mom. Not too long though,” he said, thinking of how good it felt when she held him. “Like a year or two,” he grinned at her, and then kissed her. “We could get married and go to college together.”
“And live on what?”
“We could live here,” he said. “We could go to college right here and live with my parents.” But she didn't like that idea, no matter how much she loved his parents.
“When we get married, if we do,” she said sternly as she yawned, “I want us to be grown-ups, to take care of our own responsibilities, our own kids, however old we have to be to do it.”
“Yeah, like maybe sixty,” he said, yawning too, as he grinned at her and then kissed her. “I just want you to know, I'm going to many you one day, Maribeth Robertson. Get used to it. That's all there is to it.”
She didn't object, she only smiled, as she lay in his arms, and drifted off to sleep, thinking of Annie, and Tommy, and her baby.
They got up early the next day and went to buy the tree, and Tommy bought a little, smaller tree too, a tiny one, that he put in the truck with the big one. He got the decorations out when they got home, and they spent most of the afternoon putting them on the tree. Some of them brought tears to his eyes when he looked at them, mostly the ones that his mother had made with Annie.
“Do you think we should leave them put away?” Maribeth said thoughtfully, and they debated. Seeing them might really upset his mom, but knowing they weren't there would make everyone sad too. There was no easy solution. In the end, they decided to put them up anyway, because leaving them put away would be like denying Annie. She had been there with them, they all shared memories of her. It was better to acknowledge them than to try to pretend they had never existed. And by three o'clock they both agreed that the tree looked good, and it was finished.
She had made him tuna sandwiches for lunch, and as they put the rest of the decorations away, Tommy kept a small box out, and he looked up at Maribeth strangely.
“Is something wrong?”
He shook his head. She could see he was thinking about something. “No. I've got to go somewhere. Want to come, or are you too tired?”
I'm okay. What is it?”
“You'll see.” He got out their coats, and it was starting to snow as they went out to his truck, and he took the small box of decorations. The tiny tree was still in the back of the truck, and he put the box in beside it. She wasn't sure what he was doing at first, but as soon as they got there, she knew what he had come to do. They were at the cemetery, and he had wanted to bring a little tree to Annie.
He took the tree out of the back of the truck, and she carried the box of decorations. They were the smallest ones, the ones Annie had loved, with little teddy bears, and toy soldiers blowing horns, and tiny angels. There was a string of beads, and a length of silver tinsel. And solemnly, he stood the tree on the ground next to her, in a little wooden stand, and one by one they took turns putting on the decorations. It was a heart-wrenching ritual and it only took a few minutes to complete it, and they stood looking at it, as he remembered how much she had loved Christmas. Annie had loved everything about it. He had told Maribeth about it before, but this time he couldn't say anything. He just stood there, with tears rolling down his cheeks, remembering how much he had loved her, and how much it hurt when he lost her.
He looked up at Maribeth then, from across the tree, her huge belly swathed in her coat, her eyes so gentle, her bright hair peeking out of the wool scarf she wore. He had never loved her more than at this moment.
“Maribeth,” he said softly, knowing that Annie would approve of what he was doing. It was right to do it here. She would have wanted to be part of his life, and his future. “Marry me …please … I love you …”
“I love you too,” she said, coming closer to him, and taking his hand in her own as she looked at him, “but I can't …not now …don't ask me to do that …”
“I don't want to lose you …” He looked down at the small grave where his sister lay, just beneath them, next to the Christmas tree they had brought for her, “I lost her … I don't want to lose you …please, let's get married.”
“Not yet,” she said softly, wanting to give him everything, yet afraid to hurt him if she failed him. She was wiser than her years, and in some ways, wiser than he was.
“Will you promise to many me later?”
“I promise you solemnly on this day, Thomas Whittaker, that I will love you forever.” And she meant every word as she said it. She knew she would never forget what he had been to her ever since the first moment she'd met him. But what that meant, where their lives would lead, no one could promise that, or know now. She wanted to be part of his life forever, but who knew where life would take them?
“Will you promise to marry me?”
“If it's right, if it's what we both want.” She was always honest.
“I'll always be there for you,” he said solemnly, and she knew he meant it.
“And I for you. I'll always be your friend, Tommy …I'll always love you.” And if they were lucky, she would be his wife one day. She wanted that too, now, at sixteen, but she was wise enough to know that one day things might be different. Or maybe not, perhaps their love would grow in time, and one day be stronger than ever. Or perhaps like leaves, life's winds would blow them to the far corners of the earth and scatter them forever, but she hoped not.
“Ill be ready to many you, whenever you want,” he affirmed.
“Thank you,” she said, and reached up to kiss him. He kissed her, wishing she would promise him everything, but satisfied that she had given him what she could at the moment.
