everything could have been different. But Maribeth felt that this time she really had no choice. She had done the right thing, especially for the baby.
“It will be different next time, I swear,” Tommy said gently, and kissed her. They had been through so much, they both knew it was a bond that would not be severed. But she needed time just to catch her breath, and recover from everything that had happened. The doctor let her leave the hospital on New Year's Day, with the
Liz carried the baby to the car, and John took pictures. They all spent a quiet afternoon at home, and whenever the baby cried, Liz went to her, and Maribeth tried not to hear her. She didn't want to go to her. She wasn't her mother now. She had to force herself to put distance between them. She knew there would always be a place for her in her heart, but she would never mother her, never be there for her in the dark of night, or with a bad cold, or read her a story. At best, if their lives stayed entwined, they would be friends, but nothing more. Even now, Liz was already her mother, and Maribeth wasn't.
And as Liz lay holding the baby late at night, watching her sleep, John watched them. “You already love her, don't you?” She nodded happily, unable to believe that he had been willing to let her do this. “There go two years of sleep, I guess.”
“It's good for you,” she smiled, and he walked across the room to kiss her. The baby had brought them so much closer again. She had given them hope, and reminded them of how sweet life could be when it begins, and how much it meant to share that.
Kate's arrival had brought Tommy and Maribeth closer to each other too. She seemed to need him more than she had before, and all she could think of now was how painful it would be when she left him. She felt strangely vulnerable, and as though she couldn't face the world without him. The idea of going home without him terrified her, and she dragged her feet about calling her parents to tell them the baby had been born. She had been meaning to call them all week, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She wasn't ready to go home yet.
“Do you want me to call?” Liz asked two days after they'd come home from the hospital. “I'm not rushing you, but I think your mother would want to know that you're all right. She must be worried.”
“Why?” Maribeth said unhappily. She had done a lot of thinking in the last week, and some of it was about her parents. “What difference does it make now, if Daddy hasn't let her talk to me all year? She wasn't here when I needed her. You were,” Maribeth said bluntly, and there was no denying the truth of it. She no longer felt what she once had for them, not even her mother. Only Noelle had gone unscathed in Maribeth's heart.
“I don't think your mother can help it,” Liz said cautiously, setting the baby down in her bassinet. She had just fed her. “She's not a strong woman.” The description of her was more accurate than Liz knew. Maribeth's mother was completely tyrannized by her father. “I'm not sure she even understands how she failed you,” Liz said sadly.
“Have you talked to her?” Maribeth asked, looking confused. How could Liz know all that about her? Liz hesitated for a long moment before she answered, and then decided to make a clean breast of it, but Maribeth was startled by what Liz told her.
“John and I went to see them after Thanksgiving. We felt we owed it to you. We didn't even know you'd want to give us the baby then, but I wanted to see what kind of family you're going home to. You're still welcome to stay here if you want, no matter what. I want you to know that. I think they love you, Maribeth. But your father's a very limited man. He really doesn't see why you'd want an education. That was what I wanted to talk to him about. I wanted to be sure he'd let you go to college. You only have a few months until you finish school, and you need to apply now. With a mind like yours, you really owe it to yourself to get an education.”
“And what did my father say?” She still couldn't get over the fact that Liz had met them. They'd driven two hundred and fifty miles to see the parents who had rejected her completely for the last six months.
“He said it was good enough for your mother to stay home and take care of her kids, and you could do the same,” Liz said honestly. She didn't tell her that he had added “if she can still get a husband now,” which he doubted after her indiscretion. “He doesn't seem to understand the difference, or what a rare gem you are.” She smiled at the girl who had given her so much. And they wanted to do the same for her. But she and John had already talked about that. “I think he thinks we've filled your head with a lot of wild ideas about going to college. And I hope we have,” she said with a smile, “or I'll be very disappointed. In fact,” she paused briefly as John walked into the room, “we want to talk to you about something. We had a fund put aside for Annie, when she died, for her education, and well need to do the same for Kate now, but we have time for that. We started a college fund for Tommy a long time ago, so we want to give you the money we set aside for Annie, Maribeth, so you know you can go to college. You can come back here, or apply anywhere you want.”
Maribeth looked thunderstruck as John continued. “Your father and I discussed it, and we agreed that you'd go back home now, and finish school this spring, and after that, you can pretty much go anywhere. You can come back and stay with us.” He glanced at Liz, and she nodded. They had all three already agreed that Maribeth would always tell Kate she was their friend, and not her mother. Maybe one day, when she was grown up, if she needed to know, they would tell her. But in the meantime, Maribeth had no need to tell her the truth, and she didn't want to hurt anyone, not them, or the baby. “You've got your college education now, Maribeth. The rest is up to you. I don't think it's going to be easy at home, your father's not an easy man, but I think he's done some thinking too. He realized you made a mistake. I can't tell you he's forgotten it, but I think he'd like you to come home. Maybe you can all make your peace with each other in the next few months, before you move on to college.”
“I hate the thought of going home,” she admitted to them, as Tommy joined her and came to sit next to her and held her hand. He hated her going too, and had already promised that he'd visit as often as he could, though it was a good distance. But they both knew six months wasn't forever. It just felt like it to them. But at sixteen, time was endless.
“We're not forcing you to go back,” Liz said clearly to her, “but I think you should now for a while, for your mother's sake and to wrap things up in your own mind.” And then she said something to her she had promised John she wouldn't. “But I don't think you should stay there. They'll bury you alive if you let them.” Maribeth smiled at the accurate description. Being with her parents was like drowning.
“I know they'll try. But they can't do much now, thanks to you.” She put her arms around Liz and hugged her, still unable to believe what they were doing for her, but she had done a lot for them too. And as they spoke softly, the baby stirred and woke up, and she started to cry. Maribeth watched as Liz picked her up, and then Tommy took her. They handed her around sometimes like a little doll, everyone loving and cuddling her, and playing with her. It was exactly what she needed, exactly what Maribeth had wanted for her. And watching them, Maribeth knew that Kate would have an enchanted life. It was just what she wanted for her.
Tommy held her for a while and then held her out to Maribeth, and she hesitated for a long moment, and then changed her mind and reached out her arms. The baby instinctively nuzzled her and looked for her breast. Maribeth's breasts were still full of the milk her baby had never taken. And the baby smelled powdery and sweet as Maribeth held her, and then she handed her back to Tommy, feeling overwhelmed by sadness. It was still hard to be so near her. She knew that one day it would be easier, when her own life had moved on. Kate would be bigger then and less familiar than she was now.
I'll call them tonight' she said about her parents. She knew it was time to go home, at least for now. She needed to make peace with her parents, and then she'd be free to go on, to her own life. But when she called them, nothing had changed. Her father was blunt and unkind and asked her if she'd “gotten rid of it” and “taken care of business.”
“I had the baby, Dad,” she said coolly. “It's a girl.”
“I'm not interested. Did you give it away?” he said sharply, while Maribeth felt everything she'd ever felt for him turn to ashes.
“She's been adopted by friends of mine,” she said in a shaking voice, sounding far more grown up than she felt as she squeezed Tommy's hand. She had no secrets from him, and she needed his support more than ever. “I'll be coming home in a few days.” But as she said it, she squeezed Tommy's hand again, unable to bear the thought of leaving all of them. It was much too painful. And suddenly going back to her family seemed so wrong. She had to remind herself it wouldn't be for long. But then her father surprised her.
'Your mother and I will come to pick you up,” he said gruffly, and Maribeth was stunned. Why would they bother? She didn't know that the Whittakers had made a strong case for it. They didn't think she should go home alone on the bus, after giving up her baby. And for once, her mother had stood up to him and begged him to do it. “We'll come next weekend, if that's all right.”
