Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Arcadia

GUIL: What for? Where have you been?

ROS: When? ( Pause. ) We won't know what to do when we get there.

GUIL: We take him to the King.

ROS: Will he be there?

GUIL: No---the king of England.

ROS: He's expecting us?

GUIL: No.

ROS: He wont know what we're playing at. What are we going to say?

GUIL: We've got a letter. You remember the letter.

ROS: Do I?

GUIL: Everything is explained in the letter. We count on that.

ROS: Is that it, then?

GUIL: What?

ROS: We take Hamlet to the English king, we hand over the letter-what then?

GUIL: There may be something in the letter to keep us going a bit.

ROS: And if not?

GUIL: Then that's it-we're finished.

ROS: At a loose end?

GUIL: Yes.

Pause.

ROS: Are there likely to be loose ends? ( Pause. ) Who is the English king?

GUIL: That depends on when we get there.

ROS: What do you think it says?

GUIL: Oh... greetings. Expressions of loyalty. Asking of favours calling in of debts. Obscure promises balanced by vague threats... Diplomacy. Regards to the family.

ROS: And about Hamlet?

GUIL: Oh yes.

ROS: And us-the full background?

GUIL: I should say so.

Pause.

ROS: So we've got a letter which explains everything.

GUIL: You've got it.

ROS takes that literally. He starts to pat his pockets, etc.

What's the matter?

ROS: The letter.

GUIL: Have you got it?

ROS ( rising fear): Have I? ( Searches frantically. ) Where would I have put it?

GUIL: You can't have lost it.

ROS: I must have!

GUIL: That's odd-I thought he gave it to me.

ROS looks at him hopefully.

ROS: Perhaps he did.

GUIL: But you seemed so sure it was you who hadn't got it.

ROS ( high): It was me who hadn't got it!

GUIL: But if he gave it to me there no reason why you should have had it in the first place, in which case I don't see what all the fuss is about you not having it.

ROS ( pause): I admit its confusing.

GUIL: This Is all getting rather undisciplined... The boat, the night, the sense of isolation and uncertainty... all these induce a loosening of the concentration. We must not lose control. Tighten up. Now. Either you have lost the letter or you didn't have It to lose in the first place, in which case the King never gave it to you, in which case he gave it to me, in which case I would have put it into my inside top pocket, in which case ( calmly producing the letter)... it will be... hem. ( They smile at each other. ) We mustn't drop off like that again.

Pause. ROS takes the letter gently from him.

ROS: Now that we have found it, why were we looking for it?

GUIL ( thinks): We thought it was lost.

ROS: Something else?

GUIL: No.

Deflation.

ROS: Now we've lost the tension.

GUIL: What tension?

ROS: What was the last thing I said before we wandered off?

GUIL: When was that?

ROS ( helplessly): I can't remember.

GUIL ( leaping up): What a shambles! We're just not getting anywhere.

ROS ( mournfully): Not even England. I don't believe in it anyway.

GUIL: What?

ROS: England.

GUIL: Just a conspiracy of cartographers, you mean?

ROS: I mean I don't believe it! ( Calmer. ) I have no image. I try to picture us arriving, a little harbour perhaps... roads inhabitants to point the way... horses on the road... riding for a day or a fortnight and then a palace and the English king... That would be the logical kind of thing... But my mind remains a blank. No. We're slipping off the map.

GUIL: Yes... yes... ( Rallying. ) But you don't believe anything till it happens. And it has all happened. Hasn't it?

ROS: We drift down time, clutching at straws. But what good's a brick to a drowning man?

GUIL: Don't give up, we can't be long now.

ROS: We might as well be dead. Do you think death could possibly be a boat?

GUIL: No, no, no . . - Death is . - - not. Death isn't. You take my meaning. Death is the ultimate negative. Not-being. You can't not-be on a boat.

ROS: I've frequently not been on boats.

GUIL: No, no, no-what you've been is not on boats.

ROS: I wish I was dead. ( Considers the drop. ) I could jump over the side. That would put a spoke in their wheel.

GUIL: Unless they're counting on it.

ROS: I shall remain on board. That'll put a spoke in their wheel. ( The futility of it, fury. ) All right! We don't question, we don't doubt. We perform. But a line must be drawn somewhere, and I would like to put it on record that I have no confidence in England.

Thank you. ( Thinks about this. ) And even if it's true, it'll just be another shambles.

GUIL: I don't see why.

ROS ( furious): He won't know what we're talking about.-What are we going to say?

GUIL: We say-Your majesty, we have arrived!

ROS ( kingly): And who are you?