For Unfortunate Orphans was not a quality orphanage and thus did not attract the highest caliber of parents, but each and every one of the children desperately hoped to be chosen.
“No, no, no,” said an elderly man, shaking his head as he walked down the line. “These are slim pickings indeed. If I drove an hour north, I could adopt a grandson nearly twice as good.” He let out a snort of contempt and left.
“Haven’t we seen all of these already?” asked a man walking hand-in-hand with his wife. “It seems like every week it’s the same group of kids, only a little thinner and dirtier. Where’s the turnover?”
“I agree that it’s a sorry lot,” said Steamspell. “You have to understand that I take only the ones that are given to me. If I wished to go out kidnapping, I could offer a selection of the tallest, most charming boys you’d ever seen. But a man must follow his moral compass.”
“Oh, of course,” said the man’s wife. “If we adopted a child, we’d want one whose parents were dead, not out searching for him.”
“But though our turnover is indeed low, I’m pleased to say that I’ve made a new acquisition since your last visit.”
Nathan stood up as straight as he could, and kept his mouth tightly closed.
“Look at this one,” said Steamspell, slapping the newest boy on the shoulders. “Ones with freckles don’t come through very often. And he’s clever. Boy, say something clever.”
“I’d watch eighteen hours of television a day if I could,” said the boy. Suddenly he frowned, as if realizing that what he’d said was not as clever as what he’d hoped he’d say.
“He’s on crutches,” said the man.
“Yes,” said Steamspell. “A tragic thing.”
“Will he always need them?”
“Well, I don’t know. I suppose not. And rest assured that the adoption fee would include both crutches. I wouldn’t just send him home with you, unable to walk.”
“May we have a moment?” asked the man.
“By all means.”
The man and his wife stepped off to the side. They whispered amongst themselves for a minute, then returned to where Steamspell stood.
“No, we don’t want the crippled one. What else have you got?”
“No others, sorry. Next week, perhaps.”
Nathan waved his hand. “Mr. Steamspell!”
Steamspell gave him a look that could melt skulls.
“I don’t think we’ve seen that boy before,” said the man.
“Oh, you don’t want to see that one,” said Steamspell. “He’s quite diseased. It’s actually very irresponsible of me to have him so close to the others. Next week, then?”
After the man and wife left, Steamspell smacked Nathan on the back of the head. “What did you think you were doing?”
“But I’m new!”
“I’m not saying there aren’t parents for you out there, but even a drunken hobo knows that boys on crutches outrank boys with demon teeth. If they passed on him, in what possible universe do you think they’d be interested in the ghoulish likes of you?”
Nathan hung his head. “No universe, sir.”
“That’s right. So I can’t have you scaring off potential clients who were never going to adopt you anyway. What if you’d given them such a jolt that they never returned? Is your conscience flexible enough to accept the idea of frightening away the new mother and father of one of your fellow orphans? A mother and father who would give them food, shelter, and a parent’s love? One of these boys might have the chance to sit in a large warm house, sipping hot chocolate next to a roaring fire with a cat on their lap, but because of your selfish attempt to bring attention to yourself they might die in this place, nothing but skin and bones and two deep crevices in their face where the tears eroded their flesh. Is that what you want?”
Nathan was sick to his stomach. “No, sir. I’m sorry, sir.”
“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the other boys, whose chance at happiness you crushed. Go on, walk down the line and say you’re sorry to each one of them.”
Feeling the most intense shame of his life, Nathan walked down the row of boys, head lowered as he told each of them that he was very, very sorry for what he’d done. Some of them thanked him, some snickered, and some glared at him as if he truly had destroyed their chances of not dying in this hellhole.
The boys continued to stand at attention for a while longer, while Steamspell grumbled about how few aspiring parents had shown up that day. Another husband and wife arrived but didn’t even make it halfway down the line before the woman sighed and tugged on her husband’s sleeve. “Let’s just go. There’s nothing here.”
None of the boys were adopted that day.
“This is very disappointing,” said Steamspell. “How is it possible that I could not unload even one of you? There was not even an attempt to haggle! What are you boys doing wrong that makes you so unlovable by even those who are actively seeking children?”
Reggie raised his hand.
Steamspell glared at him. “What?”
“If you could provide more soap, more parents would want to adopt us. The sliver of soap I’m given each day barely lasts beyond my chin.”
“Why, you filthy little rat! How dare you question my soap allotment? I had planned to spend this evening beating him—” Steamspell pointed at one of the boys near the end of the line. “—and him—” He pointed at another. “—but instead I’ll be beating you. And I’m in a foul mood, so I intend to beat you until my spirits have brightened!”
The boys marched back into the orphanage. After a meal of soup that was more like water with a mild carrot flavor, they spent the rest of the day doing chores. Nathan’s job was to shake a rug until every last tick had been dislodged.
Reggie’s screams echoed throughout the orphanage.
“I’m glad I didn’t say anything about the soap,” Malcolm admitted, while he shook out his own assigned rug. “I was thinking it, and I thought he wanted a real answer.”
Reggie didn’t return from Steamspell’s office until shortly before dinner, limping and bruised. “He won’t feed us properly, but he spared no expense on that paddle,” he muttered. “I thought it would break in half, but it didn’t even chip. Did you see that it has diamonds on the handle?”
“Are you okay?” Nathan asked.
“I won’t be okay until his throat is sliding down your throat.”
“I’m not going to kill him.”
“You stingy little miser. What makes you so special? Don’t you think that if the good lord above gave you teeth of that sort he’d want them to be put to use? By ignoring your gift, you are spitting in the face of God. Spitting right into his all-seeing eye. Blasphemy!”
“I won’t do it.”
“Very well, then. It’s your soul. Do what you want with it.”
Life in the orphanage did not take an upswing in quality during the following week. Nathan missed his parents and he didn’t like anything about this place and he
Every night, Nathan thought about running away. All of the boys did. Unfortunately, tales abounded of all of the measures Steamspell had taken to prevent their escape. Hungry wolves lurked in the woods. The area around the orphanage was filled with so many land mines and bear traps that a boy wouldn’t be able to take more than three steps before either blowing up or having iron jaws snap shut upon his ankle. (It also stood to reason that many of the wolves ended up getting caught in the traps as well, and if there was anything more fearsome than a wolf, it was a wolf who was angry about having been forced to gnaw off its own foot.) Goblins, or at least people dressed as goblins, roamed outdoors with giant clubs. Sharks dropped from the sky. Pits were plentiful. Men with rifles had a standing offer to earn eighty coins per orphan head.
None of these were true, and in fact any boy who made it half a mile northeast of the orphanage would have
