Are You Experienced?

having just arrived, not knowing what to do. We were both too hot and knackered to move, without the will or the courage to go outside and face the reality of being in India.

There was one other person in the room. He was lying on his back with his elbows on the bed and his hands in the air, staring into space. It looked like he was reading a book, except that his hands were empty.

‘Hi,’ said Liz.

‘Peace,’ he said.

‘Peace,’ she replied.

He sat up and gave her a lecherous look.

‘What’s your name?’ said Liz.

‘J.’

‘J?’ I said, in a tone of voice that somehow communicated the instant dislike I’d already taken to him – an impressive achievement, given that I only had one letter to play with.

‘J – cool,’ said Liz, trying to compensate for me.

‘What’s your real name?’ I said.

‘My real name?’

‘Yeah.’

He had ‘Public-School Git’ stamped all over him.

‘J.’

‘That’s what your parents call you?’

‘No. It’s short for Jeremy.’

‘Right. Sorry, Jeremy. I mean, J.’

‘Where are you from, J?’ said Liz.

Jeremy chuckled, and gave her a long, meaningful look.

She tried to avoid looking confused.

‘You haven’ t… been here very long, have you?’

Liz forced out a bashful-young-virgin blush. ‘No,’ she said, fiddling with the bedsheet. ‘We only just landed.’

‘I could tell,’ he said.

‘Maybe it’s the airline tags on our rucksacks?’ I offered.

He ignored me. ‘When you’ve been here… a few… months… you stop asking that question. You begin to belong as much to India as to your native land.’… ‘

Right,’ said Liz. ‘I can imagine.’

‘Where

are

you from, though?’ I said.

He ignored me.

‘England?’ I said. ‘We’re English.’

Reluctantly, he nodded.

‘Whereabouts?’ I said.

‘Oh… the south.’

‘Excellent. So are we. London?’

‘No.’

‘Which town?’

He was pissed off now.

‘Tunbridge Wells,’ he said.

‘Nice,’ I said. ‘Must freak you out being here. Coming from a rich area like that, I mean.’

‘Not any more. Not any more,’ he said, looking deep into Liz’s eyes.

‘How long have you been here?’ she said.

He chuckled. ‘Ohhh – long enough. Long enough to love it… and hate it. Long enough to wonder if I can ever go back.’

‘What’s that – a week?’ I said.

Neither of them was amused.

‘D’ you get ill much, then?’ I said.

‘What do you mean by ill?’

He looked at me as if he’d said something devastatingly intelligent.

I looked at him as if he’d said something devastatingly stupid.

‘You know – ill. Delhi belly. The shits.’

‘Look – if you want to survive in this country – you’ve got to redefine your terms. Ill means one thing in the West and another thing in the East. An Indian accepts his fate –it’s the West’s constant fight against destiny that has created a nation of hypochondriacs. It’s all so fleeting – to me it hardly matters.’

‘I see you don’t drink the water, though,’ I said, nodding at the bottle of mineral water by his bed.

He scowled at me. Liz scowled at me.

‘Do you mind if I have a sip, Jeremy – I mean, J?’

He nodded.

I realized I didn’t want to share his germs, so I tried to drink without touching the mouth of the bottle, but it didn’t really work, and most of it went down my front. I don’t think they noticed, though.

Prompted by Liz, he started spouting off about all the places he’d been to, while she jotted down all his suggestions, muttering things like ‘Wow, it sounds amazing!’, ‘I don’t know if we’re brave enough for that,’ and ‘Where exactly do you find the camel man…?’ After this had gone on for long enough to make me feel nauseous, I asked Liz to step into the corridor for a word.

‘Why do we need to go outside?’ she said, reluctantly looking up from Jeremy’s maps.

‘Because I want a word.’

‘But…’

‘In private.’

She exchanged looks with Jeremy, and stepped into the corridor with me. Before I had a chance to say anything, she laid into me.

‘Why are you being so rude?’

‘The guy’s an arsehole.’

‘There’s no need to talk to him like that.’

‘Why shouldn’t I? He’s a prick.’

‘If you bothered to talk to him, you’d know that he’s actually very nice.’

‘Oh, come on…’

‘He

is

. He’s also been here a long time, and has a lot of information which both of us will find very useful.’

‘And that’s why you’re flirting with him, is it?’

‘I’m

not

flirting with him.’

‘You are. He’s been giving you the eye since the minute you walked in the room, and you’re just lapping it up.’

‘Oh, give me a break.’

‘It’s true. That’s why I don’t like him.’

‘Oh, grow up.’

She spun round and returned to the dormitory.

I followed her in and said, ‘Well you can stay here as long as you like – I’m going to take a look at the city.’

‘Aren’t you even interested in this?’ she said. ‘Don’t you care where the good places are?’

‘I’m absolutely fascinated, Liz. I really am. But there’s a world out there to explore, you know. You can’t hide from it much longer.’

I strode out, sensing victory, but feeling like a bit of a sad twat.

Outside, it was somehow even hotter than inside.

The hotel was in a quiet street, and I walked back towards the main road where the airport bus had dropped us off. Right, I thought. I’m walking down a street in India. I can handle this. I’m doing OK. Those look like proper