“Hold your fire.” Skye stepped as far away from the gunwoman as she could. “Remember, this is Earl Doozier. He’s not all there.” She pointed to the side of her forehead and twirled her finger.
Earl bleated, “That ain’t a nice thing to say about a friend who’s jist trying to help you and the community out, Miz Skye.”
“Shut up, Earl.” Skye looked nervously at Zinnia, who was a few bullets short of a clip herself. “Mrs. Idell, how about you escort everyone into the lobby and let me sort this out with Earl.”
Zinnia didn’t budge.
“Really, he doesn’t mean any harm,” Skye pleaded. “It’s just that his antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.”
“Miz Skye!” Earl fussed. “You know we got cable.”
She ignored him. “Look, give us some room. You still have the gun. If he tries anything, you can shoot him.”
“Hush, Miz Skye! You’re gonna get me kilt!”
Zinnia shrugged, then, along with Dr. Paine, moved the crowd out of the hall and into the lobby, leaving Skye alone with Earl. She opened her mouth, but before she could speak, the outside door slammed open, and the queen of the Red Raggers burst into the passageway.
Skye whimpered. Just what she needed. Earl’s wife, Glenda, had hair like a skunk’s fur, breasts like a porn star’s, and the personality of a Tasmanian devil.
Ignoring Skye, Glenda glared at her husband. “Earl Doozier,” she screamed, “you get your ass home right this minute.”
Earl backed up, keeping Skye between him and his bride. “But, sweetie, I told you I was startin’ a new business.”
“Why do I always find you doin’ somethin’ stupid with her around watchin’?”
Glenda jerked her thumb at Skye, whose gaze was drawn to the woman’s bright red fingernails. They were long and curved, and Skye was fairly certain they could pry open tin cans.
“Now, honey pie, Miz Skye needs me—”
“Yeah. Like a dog needs a bra.”
“You ain’t got no call to talk to me that way.” Earl took his life in his hands when he sassed his wife.
“I’m countin’ to three.” Glenda crushed out her cigarette under a scarlet stiletto–shod foot. “And you better have your skinny butt out the door and in the car, or you’re in for the ass-whuppin’ of your life.”
Skye decided she needed to intervene if she was ever going to find out who had told Earl she needed saving. “Could I talk to him a minute first?” She took hold of his arm.
Tugging at the crotch of her pleather jeans, her skintight sweater riding up and exposing her chalk white muffin top, Glenda glared at Skye. “Whatta you want with my man?”
Skye kept a firm grip on Earl’s arm, but said soothingly, “I promise I’ll send him home as soon as he answers one question.”
Earl looked from his wife to Skye, and backed away. “Both of you leave me alone.”
Glenda narrowed her eyes and swung her gaze to Skye. “What’s in it for me?”
Skye thought fast. “A free haircut, color, and style at Vince’s salon.” She would owe her brother big-time for this.
Not quite as thick as her husband, Glenda bartered, “And a new outfit from Wal-Mart.”
Skye countered, “No more than twenty-five dollars.”
“Deal.” Glenda turned to Earl. “Okay, mister. You stay here.” Earl started to protest, but Glenda shook her finger at him. “Shut your yap, and answer her questions.”
Skye wrinkled her forehead, wondering if Earl had ventriloquist skills she knew nothing about.
After Glenda stomped away, Earl meekly followed Skye into the parking lot, where she deposited him in her Bel Air, away from prying ears, and demanded, “Who told you I needed your help?”
He immediately started to whine, “I don’t rightly remember, Miz Skye. I jist heard it around.”
“What exactly did you hear, Earl?”
“That the haunted house was truly haunted and the spooks were after you.”
“Why would someone say that?” Skye stared out the car’s window. “Nothing happened to me. Annette Paine was the one who was murdered.”
“They’re sayin’ it was a ghost that killed Missus Paine, and the spook’s coming after you next.”
“Who said that?”
“I’m not sure who I heard it from.” Earl screwed up his face. “I think one of the kids might’ve mentioned it.”
“One of the little kids or one of the older ones?”
“It might have been Elvira.”
Elvira was Earl’s sister, who lived with him and his family. She was a senior in high school, and Skye vowed to talk to her first thing on Monday. “Okay, at least now I sort of understand why you’re here, but how did you think you were going to catch this ghost?”
“I studied up all week and learnt how to get rid of spooks. I got me a degree in ghostology from Falconia University, and I’m starting a business. I figure there must be lots of bad spirits and evil around here. And once people hear how I saved you all, they’ll be lining up to hire the Ghostflushers.”
“How did you study? Are there books on ghost hunting?” She knew she shouldn’t ask, but couldn’t resist.
“I didn’t need no stinkin’ books. I got all I need to know from watching movies.” Earl grinned, revealing several missing teeth.
“What movies taught you how to get rid of ghosts?” Skye couldn’t believe someone was offering a course on the subject.
“Let’s see now.” Earl scratched his chin with the plunger. “
Skye cut him off. “And you got a degree for watching these movies?”
“Yep. Right there on the Internet. Junior helped me print out the diploma. You want to see it?”
“No.” Skye shook her head. “I believe you.” She couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry; even the Dooziers were more computer-savvy than she was.
Earl handed her a stack of business cards. “You give these here cards to everyone and tell ’em that if they need their houses despookified, just call the Ghostflushers. Only twenty dollars a ghoul.”
“I don’t know if people will pay for something like that,” Skye cautioned.
“You jist tell all those folks in the haunted house that a bunch of real ghosts is fixin’ to plague Scumble River, and I’m the only one that can save them.” He fumbled in his pocket and brought out a crumpled piece of notebook paper. “These here are the first ones to be infested.”
“Earl.” Skye’s mouth pursed. “You aren’t planning on having your relatives sneak into people’s houses and pretend to be ghosts, are you?”
He shook his head, but refused to meet her gaze. “Just remind folks not to be penny-wise and dollar- dumb.”
“I’ll make sure to do that, but you keep in mind that breaking and entering is a felony.” Skye knew there was no reasoning with a Doozier in denial, but had to give it her best shot. “You’d better get home before Glenda comes back looking for you.”
“Yes, ma’am. I need to skedaddle.” Earl slid out of the car. “I’ll come back later to get rid of the spooks for you.”
As Skye walked Earl to his car, she noticed that the driver’s-side window had a spiderweb crack. She pointed to the broken glass. “What happened here?”
“I thought my window was rolled down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.”
“I see.” Skye was surprised the glass had been clean enough for Earl to make that mistake.
She waited until the Ghostflusher got into his Buick and drove away; then she headed back toward the old American Legion hall. As she stepped inside, she heard a police siren approaching. Evie must have gotten a signal on her cell phone. Skye blew out a long breath. There was a riddle for you: How many times did the police have to be called to the Promfest haunted house before they caught the one who put the lights out?
