Sara looked down at Legon, numb to anything in the world other than who she was kneeling by. Sasha came up to her, tugging on her sleeve. Sara looked at her. Sasha looked worried and excited all at the same time.
“What is it?” she asked, not really wanting to be interrupted from her reverie.
“Come with me.” Sasha was not asking; she was telling her to come. She pulled at her arm again.
“Ok, ok.”
Arkin gave them an inquisitive look. “Is everything all right?”
“Fine. Don’t worry Arkin,” Sasha said, smiling dismissively at him.
Sasha led Sara outside of camp and to the other side of the trees, turning to face her.
“What is it?” Sara asked, a little worried at the sudden change in her friend’s behavior.
“Wh- when we were connected, or when I tried to break the connection with Legon, did you feel anything?”
Sara paused. “I don’t know, like what?”
“From the connection,” Sasha asked frantically.
“I don’t know, I guess,” she said. “Yeah, it was kind of a tingly feeling in the back of my head. Was I not supposed to feel that?” Great, what had happened now? Had something in her head broken?
“No, you weren’t. Do you feel it now?”
Now that Sasha was talking about it, she did feel something in her head, but that was no surprise. That always happened. If someone asked you if you were tired, you’d yawn. This was probably no different.
“Yes, I guess so. What’s the problem, Sasha? What’s gotten into you?”
“You’ve felt it when Legon has used magic, right?”
“Yeah, of course. Arkin wanted us to feel it so we would know what was going on in a fight, but I don’t see how that…”
“Try it,” Sasha said
“What?”
“Try it… magic, try to do it.”
“But Sasha…”
As she spoke Sasha held out her hand. “Flamma.”
Sara stepped back, gasping. “You…”
“I think you can too. Try.”
She thought about it, but the idea was ludicrous to her. Sasha had lived around Legon her whole life, so maybe this was part of their connection.
“Sasha, I can’t.”
“Neither could I until he turned,” Sasha responded. “Now do it.”
“Fine, give me a sec, ok?”
Sasha nodded and stepped back. Sara concentrated just like Legon did, but he had done it so fast. She raised her hand. “Flamma.”
The feeling shot down her arm to her hand, but nothing happened. Sasha looked disappointed but undeterred.
“Try again. I’ll help you.”
Sara felt Sasha’s mind join hers and again she tried.
“Flamma.” A spark! This time Sasha didn’t help. “Flamma!” A flicker of silver flame popped in her hand and then went out. Again and again she tried until a small silver fire burned in her hand. She was a Venefica, a real Venefica. Never had she dreamed of being one. Sasha looked relieved and dismayed all at once.
They heard Keither’s voice through the trees. “Hey, I think he’s waking up.” They rushed back to the camp.
Legon lay with his eyes closed. His head was pounding and he felt something digging into his back. Had he fallen off the horse? He decided to find out and opened his eyes. At first there was just a blur of color and he blinked to bring the world back into focus. Sasha, Sara, Keither, and Arkin were all huddled over him looking terrified, sad, and happy. He noticed how big the pores on Arkin’s nose were. What an odd thing to notice. His head was swimming. He knew he’d been on a horse but wasn’t sure about the rest. He did remember a horrible dream though. Kovos had been killed by an Iumenta and then he had turned into an Elf.
“I wonder what Arkin will read into that,” he thought. But at the same time, where was Kovos? Sasha’s lips were moving. She was so close he could see little specks of brown and hazel in her eyes. He knew everyone had little flecks of color in their eyes, but you needed to be really close to see them. She needed to back off. The sound coming from her lips was just murmuring. He tried to read them. He thought she was asking if he could hear her. Arkin’s lips moved, saying something to the effect of “His brain is coming back up one piece at a time. Give it a moment.” What did he mean his brain was coming back up?
What was that smell? It was Sara. She smelled like blood, sweat, and dirt, but there was a hint of something sweet, too. What was it? He smelled the others too; maybe this was a dream. You can’t smell people like that, can you? Then, finally, sound clicked back in- a lot of sound. Not only could he hear those around him, but also birds, flies, and a bunch of little things he was sure were in the ground.
“Are you back? Can you hear me?” Sasha asked, placing her hand on him. He could feel her pulse through her hand even with his shirt on. It wasn’t a dream. He was an Elf. He sat bolt upright.
“Kovos?”
He looked around from face to face, trying to hear, see, or smell. That couldn’t have happened. He wasn’t dead. He was… He knew. He remembered everything. He brought his knees up to his chest. There were tears in the other’s eyes now, no one excluded.
“He’s gone, Legon,” Keither said, choking.
All this pain was for him. It was his doing. If he hadn’t let them come…There was only one thing for it. Remembering back to when he met Sara in Salez, he reached out to the others. Not to their conscious minds, but to a deeper part, accessing them in a way that could not easily be blocked. He found pain there. He pulled at the last day’s worth, absorbing it in himself. He felt the loss of a brother, of a friend, and an overwhelming fear that connected it all together. All these emotions and more flooded in. All of them were near the point of insanity, if even just for a short time. The mind had its limits, and they were near theirs. At first they resisted him, but it was so easy to let go of pain when another was willing to take it from you. Eventually they stopped trying. It was immense but somehow bearable, as if this was something he was born to do.
Arkin had said that Venefica had specialties that showed themselves when they hit a class four or five. One was that of healing. Being able to take another’s pain was a gift of the healer. The magic allowed them to take on pain and suffering without destroying themselves. Still, taking this on and still shielding his sanity strained his magic. Eventually the pain would crush the Venefica and they would let go.
Legon didn’t want to be protected by the magic. He wanted to feel it, wanted to know the damage it caused. He let the walls down, letting it flood over him. He felt scared. It was too much. This was stupid. Why did this have to happen? Why did there have to be so much suffering in this life? Was that all life was?
His body was shaking with sobs of fear and pain of all kinds. He had opened the link with the others too far. He’d been warned of this; he could lose his mind.
Darkness shrouded him as all light turned to dark and the litany rang in his head, for it was a litany he realized; it was more than a script that one recited. It was truth and hope.
Fear is the blinder. I am the light and master of sight. I will master my fear and never again see night. I will become the dark and the light, my fear will pass through me, and I will stand alone in the light.
He repeated it again and again in his mind. It was fear that he faced. He saw that now, but to face fear he must leave the light. He let the darkness of pain and thought flow through him, letting it saturate his mind and body. Leaving the others behind, going on a journey that no one else could take with or for him, he was the darkness. He wanted to die but the litany brought him back. He saw a pinprick of light. It expanded and he felt heat from it. Soon the dark was light. The fear was gone but the pain remained as it should, as a reminder. No longer would he be afraid of it. Pain was part of life. Without it there could be no happiness. With this realization he found peace. He would not feel pain and sorrow to the point of no return; it could only destroy him if he permitted it.
