Inside was a studio apartment with very little furniture. Just a small table with two chairs and a futon on the floor. Not even a TV.
“Wow. You live spartan. No wonder you like coming to my place.”
“Yeah. That’s what I mean. I can’t afford any furniture. I was going to show you the place after I got some. I just rented this a few months ago.”
She put her arms around his neck. “You should know me well enough by now. I don’t care about that stuff.” She pantomimed sniffing him. “Wow. You stink… let’s go clean you up.”
He said nothing for a moment, seeming to think it over. Then he smiled and relaxed, “Well, as long as you’re here.”
He followed her into the bathroom. When she saw the large Jacuzzi tub that came with the apartment, an impish grin slipped out. “Looks like it’s big enough for two.”
She turned on the water, then began to undress him. While the water filled, she said, “Hey, what’s up with the storage place? What’re you doing there?”
The happiness fled his face, replaced with the sadness she’d seen at the door.
“It’s nothing. Just something a friend wanted me to check on.”
She ignored the look, determined to prove her trick wasn’t a mistake. “You get in first.”
She undressed while he slipped into the water, then sat between his legs, turning on the jets. He began to rub her shoulders, just like he did when they were at her place. The tension left her body.
She closed her eyes and said, “Why don’t you forget about saving for furniture? We could get a place together. With our combined income, we could afford it.”
She thought she’d missed his answer over the sound of the jets. She opened her eyes and turned around to face him. She saw tears falling down his cheeks.
“Keshawn? What’s wrong?”
He said nothing. He simply raised his hands to the top of her head and pushed her under the water.
34
Jennifer sat alone on the bed in her hotel room, not wanting to join the team next door. She had the shades drawn and the lights out, with the only illumination coming from a crack in the bathroom door. She could hear the men through the connecting door, laughing and joking.
“I thought we were breaking contact when I saw you running away from the fight like a spotted ape.”
“I wasn’t running, jackass. I was doing my duty. Protecting civilian lives.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“The kid was in front of you, and I’ve seen you shoot. I figured he was in danger….”
She tuned them out, remembering the child.
Upon their return to the hotel, the first thing the team had done was a hot wash, examining all aspects of the gunfight to see what they could have done differently or better.
It had been brutally critical, with Pike bearing the brunt. The team had hammered him for saving the child, saying he had put them all at risk by forcing them to assault with one less man.
The conversation had shamed Jennifer, making her wonder if anyone had seen her paralysis of fear. The memory alone caused her to tremble.
She heard the door open and saw Pike in the feeble light.
“Hey,” he said. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired.”
“Adrenaline will do that. How’s your arm?”
She flexed her hand, saying, “Good. Buckshot did a great job. The stitches itch, but that’s about it.”
“Well, he’s had enough practice. He used to be an eighteen Delta in fifth group.” Remembering she had no military experience, he added, “A medic. A Special Forces medic.”
She nodded and said nothing. Pike came inside and closed the door.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.” She waited a beat, then said, “Why did you save that child?”
He leaned against the door, looking confused. “Uhh… I don’t know. It just seemed like the right thing to do.”
“But there was no way you should have lived. You had to have known that. Why?”
He became embarrassed at the attention. “Look, I was too stupid to realize that. Trust me, I wouldn’t do it again.”
She stood up, searching his face for deception. “Really? You wouldn’t?”
Pike glanced away for a moment, the returned her gaze. “No. Not really. I’d do it again. That kid was going to die because someone was trying to kill me. I was the cause. I couldn’t let that happen.”
“But the team…”
“Yeah, well, they have a point, but it’s the score that counts. They did fine without me, like I knew they would.”
She looked down at the floor. “I should have run to him. I was closer. I could have protected him and you could have gone with the team. But I was afraid.”
“Cut that shit out. You can’t second-guess what you did. You had just finished a fight for your life.”
The destroyed visage of the Chinese sprang into her mind, the split skull, the flying bone and brain matter as she struck him again and again. She felt a wave of nausea and sat down again, putting her head into her hands. Pike sat down next to her and rubbed her back, talking softly to her.
She lifted her head and said, “I feel dirty. Like I’ve crossed a line and I can never go back.”
He spoke gently. “I know. It’s not easy. Especially with what you were forced to do. You’ll have dreams. Bad ones.”
His words brought a measure of calm to her, his empathy soothing in the darkness. She reached out and squeezed his hand, wondering if she would ever figure him out.
This was the Pike she was drawn to, a man who risked certain death for an unknown child, but somewhere inside him was the monster from the warehouse. The Pike she didn’t know. She flashed again to the body in the souvenir shop.
“Do you get dreams? I mean, still?”
“Yeah. I do. I think it’s the body’s way of dealing with the stress. Eventually they’ll go away and get replaced by good dreams. It just takes time. I used to get them pretty bad right after an action, but within about three to six months, they’d be replaced by dreams of my family. I guarantee I’ll dream about that kid and—”
He caught himself and said nothing for a moment, then finished his thought. “And that guy in the warehouse.”
She was surprised by the admission, thinking he was different. Stronger or harder. A machine. She changed the subject to get away from the talk of death. “Do you still dream about your family?”
“I used to every night. Like clockwork. Not so much anymore, since Guatemala and Bosnia. Since I ran into you, really.”
She was surprised again, and showed it on her face. She knew how deeply the loss of his family had affected him, and couldn’t believe that their adventures last year had altered that. “You don’t dream about your family anymore? What do you dream about instead?”
He blushed, and looked away. “Nothing really. I just don’t dream about them as much anymore.”
The truth sank in with a small measure of flattery and a large amount of confusion.
She considered forcing him to say it, just to embarrass him, because she knew he’d do the same to her. The idea caused her to smile as she realized she was thinking of him like she had before the warehouse killing. And that
