All Necessary Force

She nodded.

“Well, I have nightmares every time I close my eyes. Every night. I would take that action back any second — every single second — and that’s what makes me different. What makes you different. I don’t justify it in my mind because that fucker killed Bull and wounded Knuckles, because that doesn’t make it right. That history doesn’t make me more barbaric. It makes me less. Makes me understand how close the loss of my family affects my judgment, allowing me to prevent something like that in the future.”

He took her hand into his own, a tender gesture that shocked her, something she would never have expected, given the company on the plane.

“You won’t lose your sense of right and wrong. You can’t. It’s simply there. Those concentration camp guards weren’t poor souls that were corrupted. They were sick fucks from the get-go, with an evil streak looking for a way to express itself. I don’t buy any of that shit about good men going bad, because I’ve seen nobility in the worst of situations. It’s a fight, no doubt about it, but the man with the strength of character wins. The man without it turns into a monster.”

“Pike… you did turn into a monster. You’re saying the same thing I am. I know you’re not that way, but the death and destruction has done something to you. Can’t you see that?”

She was playing devil’s advocate, and she knew it. She wanted to believe that keeping America safe was inherently good, but those feelings were overshadowed by the fear of losing her moral compass. Of beginning to believe that doing evil was doing good, and that killing was just a way to make a living. She wanted Pike to convince her.

Pike stared at the floor for a moment, then returned his gaze to her. “No, I haven’t changed. I still own the difference between right and wrong.”

He pointed toward the team in the front of the plane. “Don’t belittle them because they have the courage to do the dirty work. We saved those girls in Prague because you said to. You didn’t pull any triggers there, but you did kill the men inside. If it was right to order the assault, it’s just as right to participate in it. Killing those men in Budapest doesn’t make you a monster.”

He looked at the ceiling. “I wouldn’t say this to anyone other than you, but what I did in Cairo scared me a great deal. Made me question who I am. So don’t think you’re all alone on this plane beating yourself up, but in the end, I’m not a monster and neither are you. Which is why you need to stay. We need people who can see right from wrong, regardless of the situation. Who believe in it. We work without oversight. Without anyone questioning what we do. We need someone with an internal compass who doesn’t need a person looking over their shoulder, ensuring the right thing is done. Someone like you.”

She didn’t know what to say. A part of her clung to his words like a drowning person, his explanation exactly what she wanted to believe. Another part realized they were just words. Pike might believe them, like a child believes in Santa Claus, but it didn’t make them true. It may just be his way of coping. Of convincing himself that what he does is just.

It was something to chew on, though. A potential truth worth further reflection.

She felt Pike’s eyes on her, waiting on a response, his expression earnest and raw, a vulnerability seeping out that was completely foreign. He had never given a piece of himself to her, never let anyone into his pain, and now he had, emboldening her. She wasn’t sure when his walls would clang shut, locking her out again, so she took a chance, leaving the questions of morality and digging into something she had wanted to explore for a long time.

“Why do you want me to stay so bad? Am I just some sort of experiment, like NASA experimenting with a new O-ring? Are you just testing out a theory about female operators, and you want me to stay because you invested so much effort in convincing everyone to let me do Assessment that you’ll look like a fool if I leave?”

He grew rigid, the turn of the conversation throwing him off. “Where’s that coming from? I’ve never felt that way.”

“Never?”

“Well, maybe a little bit, but it’s always been based on your capabilities, not what I was getting out of it.”

“Just my capabilities? My ability to climb a wall? That’s it? That’s the only reason you want me to stay?”

He withdrew his hand from hers, and she could almost hear the walls clanging shut, the portcullis slamming down in front of his emotions. Protecting him from harm.

“What the fuck do you want me to say? Isn’t that enough? That I think the world of your capabilities?”

What do I want him to say?

They sat in silence for a moment, him glaring at her. Daring her to continue. So she did. Getting it out once and for all. Talking about the elephant in the room.

“No. It’s not enough. If you weren’t in the Taskforce, I would have never joined. I came because you asked me. Because I didn’t want to let you down. Not the Taskforce. You. Truthfully, after Cairo, I’m wondering if that was a mistake. An illusion I held because you saved my life. The Taskforce alone isn’t enough for the price you’re asking me to pay. And I’m no longer sure if you are, either.”

He sat stunned for a second, then looked away and stood up. When he returned her gaze, he was all business, but she got one last glimpse past the portcullis into the man. She saw a brief flicker of fear. Real, true fear in a man she thought incapable of the emotion. A fear of her leaving.

It was enough.

He said, “Jennifer, I can’t make you do what I want. I can only ask that you hang on until this is over. You know the history of this operation, know the terrorist by sight, and know the team. I don’t have any way to prove I’m not a monster, but even if you think I am, stay on to save American lives. This isn’t over, and we need you and your capabilities.”

She pretended to consider the request for a moment, but she already knew her answer.

“Okay, Pike,” she said. “Because you asked. No other reason. But when this is done, we need to talk about the future. About our company and the Taskforce.”

He nodded and said, “As you wish.”

He was ten feet away before the meaning of the quote from The Princess Bride sank in.

61

Keshawn sat in the passenger seat, sweating in the heat, Carl behind the wheel, the engine of the old Delta 88 idling roughly on the dirt road facing Highway 301. Crammed around him were five other men, all waiting for the cleaning van to pass. Keshawn rolled down his window to release the stench from the collective body odor of the group.

The men had conducted a reconnaissance the day before and confirmed Carl’s information while Keshawn had driven all night to New York City and back again. He’d managed to link up with a mutual friend who had obtained what he wanted from inside Attica.

He could see Rafik fidgeting in the rearview mirror, and knew he was having second thoughts.

He has no qualms about sending a bum to my door for me to butcher but now acts like a kid about to shoplift.

Keshawn knew it was simply because Rafik was no longer in control. That now he was at the mercy of the men around him.

Rafik said, “How sure are you that they’ll let us back on base?”

Carl answered, “Pretty sure. The van got searched on its way in this morning. We stop it right after it leaves, keep the driver, and go right back through the gate, saying we left something. We’re only two minutes from the gate, and they’ll remember the van leaving and probably just wave us through. If they don’t, we simply haul ass when they direct us to the search area.”

“What if they don’t let us leave? What if we’re stopped and searched right there? They’ll see the guns.”

Carl turned around to face Rafik. “Hey, I know what the fuck I’m talking about. The guards are hired security