The Scarab Path

the Marsh people does. For Totho and Meyr, I cannot say why they did it, and perhaps they cannot either. How long have I slept?'

'It's now evening of the day after the battle.'

'And what do the healers say about me?'

'Damn the healers. I stitched your wounds myself,' she informed him. 'We know our medicine in Collegium.'

'So what do you say about me?'

'That you're a cursed fool. And you got off lightly. I saw your armour after they'd cut it off you. It looked like someone had thrown it off a cliff and then put it into an industrial grinder. They should have taken you out of it in pieces.'

'You sound disappointed,' he noted.

'Because you won't learn,' she said bitterly. 'I know you soldiers, you'll remember that you won and that you survived, and you'll call it glory, and you'll do it again.'

He put both hands on hers, and his mind was abruptly full of all those who had not survived or won: Dariset and Kham and all his Royal Guard, the elite of the Khanaphir fighting forces now pared down to a fragile handful. And of course, Totho's foreigners, the Fly, the sailors, the loyal giant Meyr. 'No,' he said hollowly, 'never glory. That I lived was due to chance — chance and Totho's armour and his help. That we won was … I cannot explain it. The glory belongs to the dead.'

Tears shone in her eyes. 'Amnon, I love you. You made me love you. You just gnawed and gnawed away at me until I caved in. So promise me you'll never do anything so stupid again.'

He took a deep breath. 'I am guilty, as you say, but it is a promise I cannot make. Would you think the same of me if I were merely to stand by while those I loved — or those you loved — were harmed? Surely you would not.'

She gazed at him sadly for a long time. 'I suppose not,' she said at last. 'Although it's hard to live with it, you'd not be the same man if you did. You selfish bastard.'

He managed a smile at that, but then he glanced past her, and she turned to see a shadow hovering in the doorway: it was a stooped old Khanaphir who looked as sleepless as any of them.

'First Minister,' she named him, and Amnon said, 'Ethmet.'

'They told me,' said the old man, 'that you were well, Amnon.'

'I live,' Amnon confirmed.

Ethmet looked very old, standing there. The burden of the city's reconstruction would weigh on his shoulders. 'Your banishment …' he began quietly.

Amnon nodded. 'I had not forgotten.'

'Amnon, if it were my decision … but the Masters have spoken. You went against their tenets when you adopted the foreigners' ways.'

'And so I lived, when so many others died. And so I held the bridge, with the foreigners, who shed their blood for us. But that doesn't matter, does it?'

'Amnon, I am sorry-'

'Dress it up as the Masters' will if you want,' Amnon interrupted. 'I care not. I am banished, so be it.'

'There is a chance,' said Ethmet, holding a hand up. 'If you were to ask forgiveness of the Masters, if you were to repudiate the foreigners, I think that you might yet be taken back. The Masters are just.'

'Are they?' Amnon said heavily. 'Consider this: if I were a man to beg forgiveness, then I would not have held the bridge until the waters came, and the only thing the river would then have achieved would be to wash all our corpses into the Marshland. So no, I ask no forgiveness. I apologize for none of my actions. I held the bridge and, if I am banished for that, then I shall go like a man. I shall go with Praeda Rakespear to her far country, where perhaps they understand things better than you or your Masters.' He saw the leap of joy on Praeda's face, and knew it was something she had wanted to ask him, and never dared.

'Please, Amnon,' Ethmet whispered, 'your city needs you …'

'My city needed me and, needed, I came. Now I have done what was required of me. Now it seems what my city needs is a man who will bow the knee, and I will not. You have set the price for my actions, and I shall pay it, as I have always paid my debts. Now we must both part on our own quests: I for a new city, you for a new First Soldier.'

Ethmet hovered in the doorway a short while longer, wringing his hands but without words, and then he skulked away.

This has been a disaster: it was Totho's personal assessment. Drephos would find something positive in it, of course. Drephos would see the whole Khanaphir expedition as an extended field-test to destruction: the ship, the armour, the people … He would be pleased, overall, with the performance. Drephos did not care about money, so long as he had enough, and the Iron Glove would not be bankrupted by this petty conflict.

Still, no market in Khanaphes, and the Iteration sunk with most of her crew, Tirado dead, Meyr dead, and also Meyr's people from the Nemian expedition. Still, Totho knew that he was merely dressing the books now, that the true disaster was a personal one. And Che gone, too. Lost to a Rekef knife, no doubt. They had hunted her down one night, and he had not been there to save her. That being so, the final disaster was: I survived. He had not meant to. His armour had been too proof, his instincts too cowardly. He had lived when all his fellows had died, save only Amnon himself. He wondered if Amnon felt as wretched as this.

But Amnon has his woman beside him, while I myself have … nothing. And what did I ever have?

The tide of self-pity was rising like the turbulent waters of the Jamail, and that was something he was adamantly not thinking about. There would be an explanation for the water's intervention, but just now he could not be moved to find it. The sight of those rushing floods encompassing only one half of the city had profoundly disturbed him. Time would smooth over the queasy feelings it had left within him, and give him a chance to piece together a rationale. Until then the memories were to stay under lock and key inside his mind.

And, of course, I am exiled from this place, never to return. It was a strange thing, to be walking alone through a city that was supposed to have thrown him and all his kind out, with only his snapbow over his shoulder, and his battered breastplate. The truth was that his casting out was still very much in force and, equally, would not be enforced. Not a soldier of Khanaphes would lift a finger against him, nor any of its citizens. The Ministers were too wise to issue the direct orders and risk an uproar. Totho was a hero of the city, they all knew. He had stood with Amnon on the bridge.

And I should be proud of that, shouldn't I? That I played the hero? He didn't feel like a hero. He had known heroes in his day, people who would fight for what they believed in, without hesitation. People who did not need time and thought to cajole themselves towards doing the right thing. Salma had been a hero, so Totho had always thought that he must have felt like a hero: knowing no doubt, no fear, worry or uncertainty. Did Salma feel empty instead, like me? Did Salma do all those things because not doing them would only make him feel worse?

No. Salma had been a hero. Amnon was a hero. Totho was not fit for their company save that chance had thrown him that way. I did the best I could with bad materials. I botched it together, when the moment came. That's all. I'm not a hero, but we were short of one, so I stepped into the gap.

He was going to find Amnon, to bid him farewell. There were a half-dozen Iron Glove men left, survivors of the Iteration. Totho had found them a ship out of Khanaphes, and it could not happen too soon.

He walked out into the square in front of the Scriptora, and saw her stepping down the pyramid as though she had simply been frozen among the statues on the summit all this time.

Che.

It had been a fight to be quit of that place. After Garmoth's death, the tunnels and halls had turned against them, but Che had proved their equal in the end. She had pushed and pushed. They were immeasurably stronger, of course, but they were tired: the Masters most of all wanted to sleep again, and she possessed a Beetle's persistence. In the end she had outlasted them, and forged her way through to the open air, guiding the two