Crofts, Baronet, the chief shareholder. Premises at Brussels, Ostend, Vienna and Budapest. Managing director: Mrs Warren'; and now dont let us forget her qualifications: the two words. [She writes the words and pushes the paper to them.] There! Oh no: dont read it: dont! [She snatches it back and tears it to pieces; then seizes her head in her hands and hides her face on the table.] [FRANK, who has watched the writing over his shoidder, and opened his eyes very widely at it, takes a card from his pocket; scribbles the two words on it; and silently hands it to PRAED, who reads it with amazement, and hides it hastily in his pocket.] FRANK [Whispering tenderly.] Viv, dear: thats all right. I read what you wrote: so did Praddy. We understand. And we remain, as this leaves us at present, yours ever so devotedly. PRAED We do indeed, Miss Warren. I declare you are the most splendidly courageous woman I ever met. [This sentimental compliment braces VTVIE. She throws it away from her with an impatient shake, and forces herself to stand up, though not without some support from the table.] FRANK Dont stir, Viv, if you dont want to. Take it easy. VTVIE Thank you. You can always depend on me for two things: not to cry and not to faint. [She moves a few steps towards the door of the inner room, and stops close to PRAED to say.] I shall need much more courage than that when I tell my mother that we have come to the parting of the ways. Now
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MRS WARREN'S PROFESSION, ACT 1 / 1785
I must go into the next room for a moment to make myself neat again, if you dont mind.
PRAED Shall we go away?
VIVIE No; I shall be back presently. Only for a moment. [Sfoe goes into the other room, PRAED opening the door for her.] PRAED What an amazing revelation! I'm extremely disappointed in Crofts: I am indeed. FRANK I'm not in the least. I feel he's perfectly accounted for at last. But what a facer for me, Praddy! I cant marry her now. PRAED [Sternly.] Frank! [The two look at one another, FRANK unruffled, PFIAED deeply indignant.] Let me tell you, Gardner, that if you desert her now you will behave very despicably. FRANK Good old Praddy! Ever chivalrous! But you mistake: it's not the moral aspect of the case: it's the money aspect. I really cant bring myself to touch the old woman's money now. PRAED And was that what you were going to marry on? FRANK What else? I havnt any money, nor the smallest turn for making it. If I married Viv now she would have to support me; and I should cost her more than I am worth. PRAED But surely a clever bright fellow like you can make something by your own brains. FRANK Oh yes, a little. [He takes out his money again.] I made all that yesterday in an hour and a half. But I made it in a highly speculative business. No, dear Praddy: even if Bessie and Georgina marry millionaires and the governor dies after cutting them off with a shilling, I shall have only four hundred a year. And he wont die until he's three score and ten: he hasnt originality enough. I shall be on short allowance for the next twenty years. No short allowance for Viv, if I can help it. I withdraw gracefully and leave the field to the gilded youth of England. So thats settled. I shant worry her about it: I'll just send her a little note after we're gone. She'll understand. PRAED [Grasping his hand.] Good fellow, Frank! I heartily beg your pardon. But must you never see her again? FRANK Never see her again! Hang it all, be reasonable. I shall come along as often as possible, and be her brother. I cannot understand the absurd consequences you romantic people expect from the most ordinary transactions. [A knock at the door.] I wonder who this is. Would you mind opening the door? If it's a client it will look more respectable than if I appeared. PRAED Certainly. [He goes to the door and opens it. FRANK sits down in VWIE'S chair to scrihhle a note.] My dear Kitty: come in: come in. [MRS WARREN comes in, looking apprehensively round for VTVIE. She has done her hest to make herself matronly and dignified. The brilliant hat is replaced by a sober bonnet, and the gay blouse covered by a costly black silk mantle. She is pitiably anxious and ill at ease: evidently panic- stricken.] MRS WARREN [To FRANK.] What! Your e here, are you? FRANK [Turning in his chair from his writing, but not rising.] Here, and charmed to see you. You come like a breath of spring. MRS WARREN Oh, get out with your nonsense. [In a low voice.] Wheres Vivie? [FRANK points expressively to the door of the inner room, but says nothing.]
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1 1786 / BERNARD SHAW
MRS WARREN [Sitting down suddenly and almost beginning to cry.] Praddy:
wont she see me, dont you think? PRAED My dear Kitty: dont distress yourself. Why should she not? MRS WARREN Oh, you never can see why not: youre too innocent. Mr Frank:
did she say anything to you? FRANK [Folding his note.] She must see you, if [very expressively] you wait til she comes in.
MRS WARREN [Frightened.] Why shouldnt I wait? [FRANK looks quizzically at her; puts his note carefidly on the inkbottle, so that VTVIE cannot fail to find it when next she dips her pen; then rises and devotes his attention entirely to her.]
FRANK My dear Mrs Warren: suppose you were a sparrow?ever so tiny and pretty a sparrow hopping in the roadway?and you saw a steam roller coming in your direction, would you wait for it?
MRS WARREN Oh, dont bother me with your sparrows. What did she run away
from Haslemere like that for? FRANK I'm afraid she'll tell you if you rashly await her return. MRS WARREN Do you want me to go away? FRANK No: I always want you to stay. But I advise you to go away. MRS WARREN What! and never see her again! FRANK Precisely. MRS WARREN [Crying again.] Praddy: dont let him be cruel to me. [She hastily
checks her tears and wipes her eyes.] She'll be so angry if she sees Ive been crying.
FRANK [With a touch of real compassion in his airy tenderness.] You know that Praddy is the soul of kindness, Mrs Warren. Praddy: what do you say? Go or stay?
PRAED [To MRS WARREN.] I really should be very sorry to cause you unnecessary pain; but I think perhaps you had better not wait. The fact is?[VIVIE
is heard at the inner door. ]
FRANK Sh! Too late. She's coming.
MRS WARREN Dont tell her I was crying, [VIVIE comes in. She stops gravely on seeing MRS WARREN, who greets her with hysterical cheerfulness.] Well, dearie. So here you are at last.
VTVIE I am glad you have come: I want to speak to you. You said you were going, Frank, I think.
FRANK Yes. Will you come with me, Mrs Warren? What do you say to a trip to Richmond, and the theatre in the evening? There is safety in Richmond. No steam roller there.
VIVIE Nonsense, Frank. My mother will stay here. MRS WARREN [Scared.] I dont know: perhaps I'd better go. We're disturbing you at your work. VTVIE [With quiet decision.] Mr. Praed: please take Frank away. Sit down,
