This Contract between me and you persuing witnesseth in the name of God? Amen and so forth.
5. In the Second Afghan War (1878-80), a force 6. The Oxus is a river whose sources are in the under the command of General Frederick Roberts area. made a three-hundred-mile forced march through 7. Place or building for the accommodation of the area. travelers and their pack animals.
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1802 / RUDYARD KIPLING
(One) That me and you will settle this matter together: i. e., to he Kings of
Kafiristan.
(Tivo) That you and me will not, while this matter is heing settled, look at
any Liquor, nor any Woman, hlack, white or hrown, so as to get
mixed up with one or the other harmful. (Three) That we conduct ourselves with dignity and discretion and if one of us
gets into trouble the other will stay by him.
Signed by you and me this day.
Peachey Taliaferro Carnehan.
Daniel Dravot.
Both Gentlemen at Large.
'There was no need for the last article,' said Carnehan, blushing modestly; 'but it looks regular. Now you know the sort of men that loafers are?we are loafers, Dan, until we get out of India?and do you think that we would sign a Contrack like that unless we was in earnest? We have kept away from the two things that make life worth having.'
'You won't enjoy your lives much longer if you are going to try this idiotic adventure. Don't set the office on fire,' I said, 'and go away before nine o'clock.'
I left them still poring over the maps and making notes on the back of the 'Contrack.' 'Be sure to come down to the Serai to-morrow,' were their parting words.
The Kumharsen Serai is the great foursquare sink of humanity where the strings of camels and horses from the North load and unload. All the nationalities of Central Asia may be found there, and most of the folk of India proper. Balkh and Bokhara there meet Bengal and Bombay, and try to draw eye-teeth. You can buy ponies, turquoises, Persian pussy-cats, saddle-bags, fat-tailed sheep and musk in the Kumharsen Serai, and get many strange things for nothing. In the afternoon I went down there to see whether my friends intended to keep their word or were lying about drunk.
A priest attired in fragments of ribbons and rags stalked up to me, gravely twisting a child's paper whirligig.8 Behind was his servant bending under the load of a crate of mud toys. The two were loading up two camels, and the inhabitants of the Serai watched them with shrieks of laughter.
'The priest is mad,' said a horse-dealer to me. 'He is going up to Kabul to sell toys to the Amir.9 He will either be raised to honor or have his head cut off. He came in here this morning and has been behaving madly ever since.'
'The witless are under the protection of God,' stammered a flat-cheeked Usbeg1 in broken Hindi. 'They foretell future events.'
'Would they could have foretold that my caravan would have been cut up by the Shinwaris almost within shadow of the Pass!'2 grunted the Eusufzai agent of a Rajputana trading-house whose goods had been feloniously diverted into the hands of other robbers just across the Border, and whose misfortunes were the laughing-stock of the bazar. 'Ohe, priest, whence come you and whither do you go?'
'From Roum3 have I come,' shouted the priest, waving his whirligig; 'from
8. Pinwheel. three miles through the mountains. Then on the 9. The ruler of Afghanistan, based in the city of northwest frontier of British India, it now links Kabul. Afghanistan and Pakistan. 1. Person from Uzbekistan. 3. Turkey. 2. The Khyber or Khaiber Pass, running thirty
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THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING / 1803
Roum, blown by the breath of a hundred devils across the sea! O thieves, robbers, liars, the blessing of Pir Khan on pigs, dogs, and perjurers! Who will take the Protected of God to the North to sell charms that are never still to the Amir? The camels shall not gall,4 the sons shall not fall sick, and the wives shall remain faithful while they are away, of the men who give me place in their caravan. Who wdll assist me to slipper the King of the BOGS'5 with a golden slipper with a silver heel? The protection of Pir Khan be upon his labors!' He spread out the skirts of his gaberdine and pirouetted between the lines of tethered horses.
'There starts a caravan from Peshawur to Kabul in twenty days, Huzrut,'6 said the Eusufzai trader. 'My camels go therewith. Do thou also go and bring us good-luck.'
'I will go even now!' shouted the priest. 'I will depart upon my winged camels, and be at Peshawur in a day! Ho! Hazar7 Mir Khan,' he yelled to his servant, 'drive out the camels, but let me first mount my own.'
He leaped on the back of his beast as it knelt, and, turning round to me, cried:?'Come thou also, Sahib, a little along the road, and I will sell thee a charm?an amulet that shall make thee King of Kafiristan.'
Then the light broke upon me, and I followed the two camels out of the Serai till we reached open road and the priest halted.
'What d' you think o' that?' said he in English. 'Carnehan can't talk their patter, so I've made him my servant. He makes a handsome servant. 'Tisn't for nothing that I've been knocking about the country for fourteen years. Didn't I do that talk neat? We'll hitch on to a caravan at Peshawur till we get to Jagdallak, and then we'll see if we can get donkeys for our camels, and strike into Kafiristan. Whirligigs for the Amir, O Lor! Put your hand under the camel- bags and tell me what you feel.'
