bowed and looked in as he passed, when, to his astonishment, he saw, squeedged up in the corner by Miss Felicia, Mr. Queasy. He thought that this was a blunder in etiquette that would never have been made in Ireland. Perhaps his mistress was of the same opinion, for she hastily pulled down the blind as Sir John passed. A cold qualm came over the lover's heart. He lost no time in idle doubts and suspicions, but galloped on to town as fast as he could, and went immediately to call upon the Scotch officer with whom he had travelled, and whom he knew to be keen and prudent. He recollected the map of the Rascally estate, which he saw in Miss Sharperson's breakfast-room, and he remembered that the lands were said to lie in that part of Scotland from which Captain Murray came; from him he resolved to inquire into the state of the premises, before he should offer himself as tenant for life. Captain Murray assured him that there was no such place as Rascally in that part of Scotland; that he had never heard of any such person as Miss Sharperson,
4. In matters concerning love (French). 5. Tunbridge Wells, a fashionable spa town in southeast England.
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THE IRISH INCOGNITO / 23 7
though he was acquainted with every family and every estate in the neighbourhood where she fabled hers to be. O'Mooney drew, from memory, the map of the Rascally estate. Captain Murray examined the boundaries, and assured him that his cousin the general's lands joined his own at the very spot which he described, and that unless two straight lines could enclose a space, the Rascally estate could not be found.
Sir John, naturally of a warm temper, proceeded, however, with prudence. The Scotch officer admired his sagacity in detecting this adventurer. Sir John waited at his hotel for Queasy, who had promised to call to let him know when the ladies would go to Tunbridge. Queasy came. Nothing could equal his astonishment and dismay when he was told the news.
'No such place as the Rascally estate! Then I'm an undone man! an undone man!' cried poor Queasy, bursting into tears: 'but I'm certain it's impossible; and you'll find, Sir John, you've been misinformed. I would stake my life upon it, Miss Sharperson's a rich heiress, and has a rich grandmother. Why, she's five hundred pounds in my debt, and I know of her being thousands and thousands in the books of as good men as myself, to whom I've recommended her, which I wouldn't have done for my life if I had not known her to be solid. You'll find she'll prove a rich heiress, Sir John.'
Sir John hoped so, but the proofs were not yet satisfactory. Queasy determined to inquire about her payments to certain creditors at Blackheath, and promised to give a decisive answer in the morning. O'Mooney saw that this man was too great a fool to be a knave; his perturbation was evidently the perturbation of a dupe, not of an accomplice: Queasy was made to 'be an anvil, not a hammer.'6 In the midst of his own disappointment, our good- natured Hibernian really pitied this poor currier.7
The next morning Sir John went early to Blackheath. All was confusion at Miss Sharperson's house; the steps covered with grates and furniture of all sorts; porters carrying out looking-glasses, Egyptian tables, and candelabras; the noise of workmen was heard in every apartment; and louder than all the rest, O'Mooney heard the curses that were denounced against his rich heiress? curses such as are bestowed on a swindler in the moment of detection by the tradesmen whom she has ruined.
Our hero, who was of a most happy temper, congratulated himself upon having, by his own wit and prudence, escaped making the practical bull of marrying a female swindler.
Now that Phelim's immediate hopes of marrying a rich heiress were over, his bet with his brother appeared to him of more consequence, and he rejoiced in the reflection that this was the third day he had spent in England, and that he had but once been detected.?The ides of March8 were come, but not passed!
'My lads,' said he to the workmen, who were busy in carrying out the furniture from Miss Sharperson's house, 'all hands are at work, I see, in saving what they can from the wreck of the Sharperson. She was as well-fitted out a vessel, and in as gallant trim, as any ship upon the face of the earth.'
'Ship upon the face of the yearth' repeated an English porter with a sneer;
6. I.e., Queasy has not acted but been acted upon. a soothsayer prophesies that Caesar will meet with 7. Someone who curries favor. danger on this date. 8. March 15. In Shakespeare's Julius Caesar 1.2,
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23 8 / MARIA EDGEWORTH
'ship upon the face of the water, you should say, master; but I take it you be's an Irishman.'
O'Mooney had reason to be particularly vexed at being detected by this man, who spoke a miserable jargon, and who seemed not to have a very extensive range of ideas. He was one of those half-witted geniuses who catch at the shadow of an Irish bull. In fact, Phelim had merely made a lapsus linguae and had used an expression justifiable by the authority of the elegant and witty lord Chesterfield,9 who said?no, who wrote?that the English navy is the finest navy upon the face of the earthl But it was in vain for our hero to argue the point; he was detected?no matter how or by whom. But this was only his second detection, and three of his four days of probation were past.
He dined this day at Captain Murray's. In the room in which they dined there was a picture of the captain, painted by Romney. Sir John, who happened to be seated opposite to it, observed that it was a very fine picture; the more he looked at it, the more he liked it. His admiration was at last unluckily expressed: he said, 'That's an incomparable, an inimitable picture; it is absolutely more like than the original.'1
A keen Scotch lady in company smiled, and repeated, 'More like than the original! Sir John, if I had not been told by my relative here that you were an Englishman, I should have set you doon, from that speech, for an Irishman.'
This unexpected detection brought the colour, for a moment, into Sir John's face; but immediately recovering his presence of mind, he said, 'That was, I acknowledge, an excellent Irish bull; but in the course of my travels I have heard as good English bulls as Irish.'
To this Captain Murray politely acceded, and he produced some laughable instances in support of the assertion, which gave the conversation a new turn.
O'Mooney felt extremely obliged to the captain for this, especially as he saw, by his countenance, that he also had suspicions of the truth. The first moment he found himself alone with Murray, our hero said to him, 'Murray, you are too good a fellow to impose upon, even in jest. Your keen countrywoman guessed the truth?I am an Irishman, but not a swindler. You shall hear why I conceal my country and name; only keep my secret till to- morrow night, or I shall lose a hundred guineas by my frankness.'
