Sophocles will turn up piece by piece, or be written again in another language. Ancient cures for diseases will reveal themselves once more. Mathematical discoveries glimpsed and lost to view will have their time again. You do not suppose, my lady, that if all of Archimedes4 had been hiding in the great library of Alexandria, we would be at a loss for a corkscrew? I have no doubt that the improved steam- driven heat-engine which puts Mr Noakes into an ecstasy that he and it and the modern age should all coincide, was described on papyrus. Steam and brass were not invented in Glasgow. Now, where are we? Let me see if I can attempt a free translation for you. At Harrow I was better at this than Lord Byron. [He takes the piece of paper from her and scrutinizes it, testing one or two Latin phrases speculatively before committing himself] Yes?'The barge she sat in, like a burnished throne . . . burned on the water
1. Queen of Egypt (69?30 B.C.E.), mistress of the ocles (ca. 496^406 B.C.E.), and Euripides (ca. Roman Mare Antony. 484?406 B.c.E.) and the library of the philosopher 2. In Italy. I.e., if Queen Elizabeth 1 of England Aristotle (384-322 B.C.E.) had been brought to (1533?1603) had been Cleopatra (a member of Egypt from Greece by Cleopatra's forebears. the Ptolemy family), says Thomasina, Egypt would 4. All the writings of the Greek scientist Archihave overthrown the Roman Empire. medes (ca. 287?212 B.c.E.), who invented the 3. The plays of Aeschylus (525?456 B.C.E.), Soph-Archimedean screw to raise water.
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2780 / TOM STOPPARD
. . . the?something?the poop was beaten gold, purple the sails, and?
what's this??oh yes,?so perfumed that? THOMASINA [Catching on and furious.] Cheat! SEPTIMUS [Imperturbably.] '?the winds were lovesick with them . . . ' THOMASINA Cheat! SEPTIMUS '... the oars were silver which to the tune of flutes kept stroke . . .' THOMASINA [Jumping to her feet.] Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! SEPTIMUS [As though it were too easy to make the effort worthwhile.] '. . . and
made the water which they beat to follow faster, as amorous of their strokes. For her own person, it beggared all description?she did lie in her pavilion?'
[THOMASINA, in tears of rage, is hurrying out through the garden. ]
THOMASINA I hope you die! [She nearly humps into BRICE who is entering. She runs out of sight. BRICE enters.]
BRICE Good God, man, what have you told her? SEPTIMUS Told her? Told her what? BRICE Hodge!
[SEPTIMUS looks outside the door, slightly contrite about THOMASINA, and sees that CHATER is skulking out of view.]
SEPTIMUS Chater! My dear fellow! Don't hang back?come in, sir!
[CHATER allows himself to be drawn sheepishly into the room, where BRICE stands on his dignity.]
CHATER Captain Brice does me the honour?I mean to say, sir, whatever you have to say to me, sir, address yourself to Captain Brice.5 SEPTIMUS How unusual. [To BRICE.] Your wife did not appear yesterday, sir. I trust she is not sick? BRICE My wife? I have no wife. What the devil do you mean, sir?
[SEPTIMUS makes to reply, but hesitates, puzzled. He turns back to CHATER.]
SEPTIMUS I do not understand the scheme, Chater. Whom do I address when
I want to speak to Captain Brice? BRICE Oh, slippery, Hodge?slippery! SEPTIMUS [To CHATER] By the way, Chater?[He interrupts himself and turns
back to BRICE, and continues as before.] by the way, Chater, I have amazing news to tell you. Someone has taken to writing wild and whirling letters in your name. I received one not half an hour ago.
BRICE [Angrily.] Mr Hodge! Look to your honour, sir! If you cannot attend to me without this foolery, nominate your second who might settle the business as between gentlemen. No doubt your friend Byron would do you the service.
[SEPTIMUS gives up the game.]
SEPTIMUS Oh yes, he would do me the service. [His mood changes, he turns to CHATER.] Sir?I repent your injury. You are an honest fellow with no more malice in you than poetry.
CHATER [Happily.] Ah well!?that is more like the thing! [Overtaken by
doubt.] Is he apologizing? BRICE There is still the injury to his conjugal6 property, Mrs Chater's? CHATER Tush,7 sir!
5. Brice has done Chater 'the honour' of agreeing time, place, and choice of weapons. to act as his 'second' (supporter) in the duel to 6. Marital. which Chater has challenged Septimus. Dueling 7. Expression of mild irritation, which Brice turns etiquette required the two seconds to arrange the into a vulgar joke.
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ARCADIA II.5 / 2781
BRICE As you will?her tush. Nevertheless? [But they are interrupted by LADY CROOM, also entering from the garden.]
LADY CROOM Oh?excellently found! Mr Chater, this will please you very much. Lord Byron begs a copy of your new book. He dies to read it and intends to include your name in the second edition of his English Bards and Scotch Reviewers.
CHATER English Bards and Scotch Reviewers, your ladyship, is a doggerel aimed at Lord Byron's seniors and betters. If he intends to include me, he intends to insult me.
LADY CROOM Well, of course he does, Mr Chater. Would you rather be thought not worth insulting? You should be proud to be in the company of Rogers and Moore and Wordsworth?8 ah! 'The Couch of Eros!' [For she has spotted Septimus's copy of the book on the table.]
SEPTIMUS That is my copy, madam. LADY CROOM So much the better?what are a friend's books for if not to be borrowed? [Note: 'The Couch of Eros' now contains the three letters, and it must do so without advertising the fact. This is why the volume has been described as a substantial quarto.] Mr Hodge, you must speak to your friend9 and put him out of his affectation of pretending to quit us. I will not have it. He says he is determined on the
