inside his coat.] and very beautiful. If only it did not occur so early in the day. I have brought Lady Thomasina a rabbit. Will you take it?
JELLABY It's dead.
3. Like a mad dog, whose bite transmits madness (rabies).
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ARCADIA II.5 / 2799
SEPTIMUS Yes. Lady Thomasina loves a rabbit pie.
[JELLABY takes the rahhit without enthusiasm. There is a little blood on it.]
JELLABY You were missed, Mr Hodge. SEPTIMUS I decided to sleep last night in the boat-house. Did I see a carriage
leaving the Park? JELLABY Captain Brice's carriage, with Mr and Mrs Chater also. SEPTIMUS Gone?! JELLABY Yes, sir. And Lord Byron's horse was brought round at four o'clock. SEPTIMUS Lord Byron too! JELLABY Yes, sir. The house has been up and hopping. SEPTIMUS But I have his rabbit pistols! What am I to do with his rabbit
pistols? JELLABY YOU were looked for in your room. SEPTIMUS By whom? JELLABY By her ladyship. SEPTIMUS In my room? JELLABY I will tell her ladyship you are returned.
[He starts to leave.]
SEPTIMUS Jellaby! Did Lord Byron leave a book for me? JELLABY A book? SEPTIMUS He had the loan of a book from me. JELLABY His lordship left nothing in his room, sir, not a coin.4 SEPTIMUS Oh. Well, I'm sure he would have left a coin if he'd had one.
Jellaby?here is a half-guinea for you. JELLABY Thank you very much, sir. SEPTIMUS What has occurred? JELLABY The servants are told nothing, sir. SEPTIMUS Come, come, does a half-guinea buy nothing any more? JELLABY [Sighs.] Her ladyship encountered Mrs Chater during the night. SEPTIMUS Where? JELLABY On the threshold of Lord Byron's room. SEPTIMUS Ah. Which one was leaving and which entering? JELLABY Mrs Chater was leaving Lord Byron's room. SEPTIMUS And where was Mr Chater? JELLABY Mr Chater and Captain Brice were drinking cherry brandy. They
had the footman to keep the fire up until three o'clock. There was a loud
altercation upstairs, and?
[LADY CROOM enters the room.]
LADY CROOM Well, Mr Hodge.
SEPTIMUS My lady.
LADY CROOM All this to shoot a hare?
SEPTIMUS A rabbit. [She gives him one of her looks.] No, indeed, a hare,
though very rabbit-like?
[JELLABY is about to leave.] LADY CROOM My infusion.5 JELLABY Yes, my lady.
4. Guests staying in country houses were expected 5. Tea. to leave tips for the servants.
.
280 0 / TOM STOPPARD
[He leaves, LADY CROOM is carrying two letters. We have not seen them before. Each has an envelope which has been opened. She flings them on the table.]
LADY CROOM HOW dare you!
SEPTIMUS I cannot be called to account for what was written in private and read without regard to propriety.
LADY CROOM Addressed to me!
SEPTIMUS Left in my room, in the event of my death? LADY CROOM Pah!?what earthly use is a love letter from beyond the grave?
SEPTIMUS As much, surely, as from this side of it. The second letter, however, was not addressed to your ladyship. LADY CROOM I have a mother's right to open a letter addressed by you to my daughter, whether in the event of your life, your death, or your imbecility. What do you mean by writing to her of rice pudding when she has just suffered the shock of violent death in our midst? SEPTIMUS Whose death? LADY CROOM Yours, you wretch! SEPTIMUS Yes, I see. LADY CROOM I do not know which is the madder of your ravings. One envelope full of rice pudding, the other of the most insolent familiarities regarding several parts of my body, but have no doubt which is the more intolerable to me. SEPTIMUS Which? LADY CROOM Oh, aren't we saucy when our bags are packed! Your friend has gone before you, and 1 have despatched the harlot Chater and her husband? and also my brother for bringing them here. Such is the sentence, you see, for choosing unwisely in your acquaintance. Banishment. Lord Byron is a rake and a hypocrite, and the sooner he sails for the Levant6 the sooner he will find society congenial to his character. SEPTIMUS It has been a night of reckoning. LADY CROOM Indeed, I wish it had passed uneventfully with you and Mr Chater shooting each other with the decorum due to a civilized house. You have no secrets left, Mr Hodge. They spilled out between shrieks and oaths and tears. It is fortunate that a lifetime's devotion to the sporting gun has halved my husband's hearing to the ear he sleeps on. SEPTIMUS I'm afraid I have no knowledge of what has occurred. LADY CROOM Your trollop7 was discovered in Lord Byron's room. SEPTIMUS Ah. Discovered by Mr Chater? LADY CROOM Who else? SEPTIMUS I am very sorry, madam, for having used your kindness to bring my unworthy friend to your notice. He will have to give an account of himself to me, you may be sure. [Before LADY CROOM can respond to this threat, JELLABY enters the room with her 'infusion'. This is quite an elaborate affair: a pewter tray on small feet on which there is a kettle suspended over a spirit lamp. There is a cup and saucer and the silver 'basket' containing the dry leaves for the tea. JELLABY places the tray on the table and is about to offer further assistance with it.]
6. Eastern part of the Mediterranean. 'Rake': sex-7. Loose woman (Mrs. Chater). ually promiscuous man.
