belongd to an old Mr Gee who had been a farmer and who lived in a part of our house which once was his own?he had had a good bringing up and was a desent scholar and he was always pleasd to lend me them even before I coud read them without so much spelling and guesses at words so as to be able to make much of them or understand them
$ a *
1 became acquainted with Robinson Crusoe very early in life having borrowd it of a boy at Glinton school4 of the name of Stimson who only dare lend it me for a few days for fear of his uncles knowing of it to whom it belongd yet I had it a sufficient time to fill my fancys with new Crusoes and adventures
From these friendships I gatherd more acquaintance with books which like chances oppertunitys were but sparing
CHAPTER 5. MY FIRST ATTEMPTS AT POETRY ETC. ETC.
I now followd gardening for a while in the Farmers Gardens about the village and workd in the fields when 1 had no other employment to go too poetry was a troublsome but pleasant companion anoying and cheering me at my toils
I coud not stop my thoughts and often faild to keep them till night so when I fancyd I had hit upon a good image or natural description 1 usd to steal into a corner of the garden and clap it down5 but the appearance of my employers often put my fancys to flight and made me loose the thought and the muse together for I always felt anx[i]ous to consceal my scribbling and woud as leave have confessd to be a robber as a rhymer when I workd in the fields I had more oppertunitys to set down my thoughts and for this reason I liked to work in the fields and bye and bye forsook gardening all together till I resumd at Casterton6 I usd to drop down behind a hedge bush or dyke and write down my things upon the crown of my hat and when I was more in a hip7 for thinking then usual I usd to stop later at nights to make up my lost time in the day thus I went on writing my thoughts down and correcting them at leisure spending my sundays in the woods or heaths to be alone for that purpose and I got a bad name among the weekly church goers forsaking the 'church going bell' and seeking the religion of the fields tho I did it for no dislike to church for I felt uncomfortable very often but my heart burnt over the pleasures of solitude and the restless revels of rhyme that was eternaly
3. In the early 19th century, books and magazines 5. Fix it in writing. would be bought with their pages still uncut. 6. A village a few miles northwest of Helpston. 4. Glinton was two miles east of Helpston. 7. More annoyed.
.
AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL FRAGMENTS / 86 3
sapping my memorys like the summer sun over the tinkling brook till it one day shoud leave them dry and unconsous of the thrilling joys brin[g]ing anxiety and restless cares which it had created and the praises and censures which I shall leave behind me I knew nothing of the poets experience then or I shoud have remaind a labourer on and not livd to envy the ignorance of my old companions and fellow clowns8 I wish I had never known any other
tho I was not known as a poet my odd habits did not escape notice they fancied I kept aloof from company for some sort of study others believd me crazd and some put more criminal interpretations to my rambles and said I was night walking assosiate with the gipseys robbing the woods of the hares and pheasants because I was often in their company and I must confess I found them far more honest then their callumniators whom I knew to be of that description Scandal and Fame are cheaply purchasd in a Village the first is a nimble tongud gossip and the latter a credoulous and ready believer who woud not hesitate but believd any thing I had got the fame of being a good scholar and in fact I had vanity enough to fancy I was far from a bad one my self while I coud puzzle9 the village schoolmasters over my quart for I had no tongue to brag with till I was inspird with ale with solving algebrai[c] questions for I had once struggld hard to get fame in that crabbed wilderness but my brains was not made for it and woud not reach it tho it was a mystery scarcly half unveild to my capacity yet I made enough of it to astonish their ignorance for a village schoolmaster is one of the most pretending and most ignorant of men?and their fame is often of the sort which that droll genius Peter Pindar1 describes?Whats christend merit often wants a auth[or]
MEMORYS OF LOVE CHAPTER 6
As I grew up a man I mixd more in company and frequented dancings for the sake of meeting with the lasses for I was a lover very early in life my first attachment being a school boy affection but Mary?who cost me more ballads then sighs was belovd with a romantic or platonic sort of feeling if I coud but gaze on her face or fancy a smile on her co[u]ntenance it was sufficient
I went away satisfied we playd with each other but named nothing of love yet I fancyd her eyes told me her affections we walkd togethere as school companions in leisure hours but our talk was of play and our actions the wanton innosence of children yet young as my heart was it woud turn chill when I touchd her hand and trembled and I fancyd her feelings were the same for as I gazd earnestly in her face a tear woud hang in her smiling eye and she woud turn to whipe it away her heart was as tender as a birds but when she grew up to woman hood she felt her station above mine at least I felt that she thought so for her parents were farmers and Farmers had great pretentions to somthing then so my passion coold with my reason and contented itself with another tho I felt a hopful tenderness one that I might one day renew the acqua[in]tance and disclose the smotherd passion she was a beautiful girl and as the dream never awoke into reality her beauty was always fresh in my memory she is still unmarried
8. Yokels. Lonsiad (1785?95) and other poems satirizing 9. Perplex, confound. George III. 1. The pen name of John Wolcot, author of The
.
86 4 / FELICIA DOROTHEA HEMANS
MY FIRST FEELINGS AND ATTEMPTS AT Po[ETRY] CHAPTER 4
I cannot say what led me to dabble in Rhy[me or] at what age I began to write it but my first r[ude attempts took the form of] imitations of my fathers Songs for he knew and sung a great many and I made a many things before I venturd to comit them to writing for I felt ashamd to expose them on paper and after I venturd to write them down my second thoughts blushd over them and [I] burnt them for a long while but as my feelings grew into song I felt a desire to preserve some and usd to correct them over and over till the last copy had lost all kindred to the first even in the title I went on some years in this way wearing it in my memory as a secret to all tho my parents usd to know that my leisure was occupyd in writing yet they had no knowledge of what I coud be doing for they never dreamd of me writing poetry at length I venturd to divulge the secret a little by reading imatations of some popular song floating among the vulgar at the markets and fairs till they were common to all but these imatations they only laughd at and told me I need never hope to make songs like them this mortified me often and almost made me desist for I knew that the excelling such doggerel woud be but a poor fame if I coud do nothing
