from Ellis’s throat.
Gary pulled out the shears, their blades streaked with crimson, and let them drop. As Ellis fell to his knees, Gary broke loose and dashed for the companionway. Trip ran after him, the other men following close behind, as Meg screamed for Dawn to bring the medical kit. As he left the salon, Trip had just enough time to notice that the octopus was lying, dead, at the bottom of its tank.
Outside, a stinging rain had begun to fall. Around the boat, the lights from the octopus school were shining even more brightly than before. In their cold luminescence, Trip saw someone moving at the stern of the yacht. He turned to see Gary standing in the dive cockpit, a harpoon gun clutched in his good hand.
“Don’t come any closer,” Gary said, his voice breaking. “If you do, I’ll put a harpoon through your heart. I like you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do it. It may even make it easier.”
“I know,” Trip said, the rain trickling down his face. “I won’t take it personally.”
“Speak for yourself,” Kiran said. He was standing next to Trip, ready to spring, but for the moment, he held back. Stavros took up a position nearby. They stood in silence, watching and waiting in the rain.
“I never wanted this to happen,” Gary said at last. “I killed Ray, but I had no choice.”
“I believe you,” Trip said, knowing that the longer they kept Gary talking, the better their chances of taking him by surprise. “If you hurt him, it was because you didn’t want to hurt yourself.”
Gary shook his head. “I was angry with him, too. He was holding back our most crucial findings. Did you know this? I realized it when I saw the first paper he published. I’d been in the lab since day one, and knew exactly what we’d found. Ray was selfish. Like Ellis. Like me.”
The hand with the harpoon gun fell slightly. Trip felt Kiran tense up at his side, but Gary, sensing this as well, raised the gun again. “You weren’t selfish,” Trip said. “You wanted to do what was right.”
“Did I?” Gary asked. “The other day, when I heard Ray talking about how he was going to make his research freely available, I couldn’t take it anymore. As I worked in the lab, I got madder and madder. I didn’t know where the anger was coming from. I thought about killing myself, cutting my own throat, just so I wouldn’t be a party to this web of lies—”
“It wasn’t about you,” Trip said. “It was in the water. It had nothing to do with Ray.”
“But the betrayal was real. After dinner, I tried to work, but I couldn’t concentrate. I saw myself doing horrible things, like tearing off my fingers. So I came up here to be alone. I was thinking about throwing myself overboard, just to stop the noise in my head, when Ray appeared.”
His eyes grew clouded. “Ray was here to look at the lights, but when he saw me, we started to talk. I wanted to speak to him privately, so we went down the hatchway to his cabin. I confronted him about the missing results. He denied it at first, then threatened to take me off the project if I refused to go along, I wanted to kill myself, and then I wanted to kill him, too—”
Without lowering the harpoon gun, Gary picked up a dive belt and looped it over his body. He did the same with a second belt, one across each shoulder, so that they crossed his chest like a pair of bandoliers. “I didn’t even know I had the shears in my pocket. All I could think of were the lights in the sea. When he was dead, I went to the dive cockpit to wash up, then headed back to the lab. Nobody saw me, but while I was waiting for you to find the body, I chewed off the ends of my fingers.”
Gary’s face was obscured by the rain. “So I was the most selfish of all. I killed Ray so that I wouldn’t hurt myself. Now I’ve done the same to Ellis.” He swallowed hard. “It’s time to do something selfless for a change.”
He tossed the harpoon gun aside. Before anyone else could move, Gary climbed over the railing of the yacht, the dive belts looped across both his shoulders, and leapt into the ocean.
Trip and the others ran to the railing. Gary was already gone, the weight of the dive belts dragging him below the surface, the sea closing rapidly over his head. Trip stared at the water for a long time, his eyes smarting from the rain, but Gary did not appear again. All around the ship, the ghostly lights continued to fluoresce, the octopus school glowing as it had done for millions of years, casting its cold radiance across the unmarked shroud of the sea.
On a trellised arcade at Holbertson Hospital, a yellow wall gave back the sun’s rays. Trip sat in a wickerwork chair under a ceiling fan, hands folded, looking out at the garden. He was thinking of nothing in particular.
A chair beside him creaked as someone sat down. It was Meg. “How are you doing?”
Trip considered the question. Looking at his hands, he noted with some satisfaction that his fingers were healing, although the nails were still torn. “I’m all right. What about you?”
“I thought I’d pay a visit to our friend in the next ward. Want to come along?”
Trip only rose in reply. As they walked along the arcade, they passed a pair of nurses wearing white surgical masks. At their approach, the nurses inclined their heads politely, but kept their distance.
They had arrived in Antigua two days ago. With the yacht repaired, the journey had taken three days, with frequent breaks to keep the engine from overheating. Purified water and magnesium salts had kept their destructive impulses at bay, but it was unclear what the lasting effects would be.
As they walked, Meg said softly, “You know, when I close my eyes, I still see them.”
Trip knew what she meant. Whenever his own eyes were closed, he saw the octopus lights blinking softly in the darkness. The pattern had been permanently branded onto his subconscious, broadcasting a message that would always be there. Magnesium controlled the urge, but did not eliminate it entirely.
And he was not the only one. Meg’s elbow, he saw, had been freshly bandaged.
They reached a room in the adjoining ward. Inside, Ellis was seated in bed, his notes spread across his lap. His throat was swathed in gauze. The shears had missed his carotid artery by only a few millimeters.
As they entered, Ellis looked up. When they asked him how he was doing, he studied his own hands before speaking. The bruises on his knuckles had faded. “I’m well enough, I suppose.”
Looking at the notes on the bedspread, Trip recognized the pictures and sketches that he had taken of the octopus school. “I hope you aren’t having second thoughts about your decision.”
Ellis made a dismissive gesture. When the yacht was a few miles from shore, he had taken the bucket with the last remaining octopus and tipped it overboard, watching as it slid under the glassy surface. Even if they took precautions to avoid infection, the risk of contagion had been too great.
“It’s a big ocean,” Ellis said now, his voice a whisper. “There are other discoveries to be made. And as you said, our first responsibility is to the living. Although the dead deserve our respect as well.”
Trip merely nodded. After another minute of small talk, he left the others alone, sensing that they wanted to speak privately. As he headed for the door, he caught Meg’s eye. She smiled at him, a trace of sadness still visible in her face, then turned back to the man in the hospital bed.
Outside, on the covered walk, the sun was setting, its last rays shining through the trellis. As Trip headed down the arcade, the slats of the trellis alternately hid and revealed the sunset, reminding him, briefly, of the lights that he had seen in the sea. He had almost reached the end of the walkway when he realized that his left hand was creeping toward his lips.
Trip halted. Up ahead, the garden was only a few steps away. With an effort, he lowered his hand, his gaze fixed on the tips of his fingers. He waited for the impulse to fade, as it always did. Finally, after what seemed like a long time, it passed. He exhaled. Then, stuffing his hands in his pockets, he headed for the garden, keeping his eyes turned away from the light.
DYING YOUNG
by Peter M. Ball
