Blossom

it going, took a deep drag. Coughed. Took another. The early dawn light seeped in. The boy's skin was transparent, the skull showing through.

'You re scared of women, Lloyd?'

'I…think so.'

'But you like them?'

'Yes. I do…like…them. I think I do. But when they talk to me…'

'I know. Someone told you they wouldn't like you, didn't they? Someone told you they'd know something about you…'

His shoulders shook like he was freezing. Crying again, the cigarette dropping from his hand. Virgil plucked it off the kid's lap, one hand still on his shoulder, trying to send his strength into his wife's cousin. Not knowing why yet, trusting what he felt.

I lit a cigarette of my own. Centering myself, watching the red dots that always danced before my eyes when the freaks played with kids. Remembering. Getting past it. Like I had a long time ago. When I made my choices.

'Who was it, Lloyd?' I asked him. Voice soft, not waiting for the answer. 'Your mother's boyfriend? A teacher? The coach? Your uncle?'

I let Virgil's rock-hard core work its way into the boy's guts. Waiting for the anchor to set.

'How did…how d'you know?'

'I know who did it. Not his name. But I know him. They're all alike. Listen to me, Lloyd. They're all liars. You told us the truth here. And you're going to beat this. He lied to you. As soon as you tell us everything, I'll start to prove it to you.'

'Ain't nobody gonna hurt you, son.' Virgil's voice. The kid caught the last word, grabbed at it like a lifeline. He wouldn't have to face the monster alone.

Anymore.

'It was the preacher,' he said. 'The preacher.'

'Yeah. When did it start?'

'When I was nine. Just before I was ten. Just before my birthday. He had model race cars. Radio-controlled. He used to take me to the races. He said, when I was ten, he'd let me steer one in a time trial.'

'And your mother, she thought it was great, you spending time with him?'

'She sure did. My real father, I don't know where he is. Mama said the preacher was a good man. I think she liked him herself, you know? Always inviting him over for dinner, saying like he needed a wife to make a home for him and all. He was nice to me. Took me for rides in his car, bought me a baseball glove. Like I was his own son, Mama said.'

'How'd it happen? He show you some pictures?'

'Pictures. Little boys, with no clothes on. That's the way it started. He'd let me play with the video games he had in his house if I took my clothes off. I didn't want to do it, but…in the pictures, like…boys were doing all kinds of things without their clothes on. Like he said. It was a natural thing. For a special treat once, he took me camping. He told me stories, about wolves and bears in the woods. I wasn't scared, but he said he'd better let me in his sleeping bag so I would be okay. It felt…weird…but…he was the preacher and all…'

'It's okay.'

'He said we had a special love. A special secret love, he said. He said God picked me for him, 'cause I was special. It was a mark, a mark only certain people could see. A mark on me.'

'And you couldn't tell anyone…'

'Couldn't tell anyone. Couldn't make him stop.'

'So you started to get into trouble…'

'To make it stop. When I got to be around thirteen, I felt things inside of me. I thought, maybe they'd put me away someplace, like in one of those juvenile homes…and…stealing cars…riding by myself…I felt scared but… good, you know?'

I knew.

'How'd you know where to buy those magazines?'

'He had them. Not like mine. Bad ones. I copied down the address where he sent away for them.'

Virgil lit a smoke, handed it to Lloyd. The kid dragged on it greedily, blowing it out his nose and mouth at the same time.

'Did the preacher know where your mother sent you?'

'Yeah. He wrote to me. Telling me I'd be back soon and we'd have good times again. He even said maybe he'd come up here to visit me just before school starts in the fall.'

'Those pictures…the ones you saved…not the ones you ripped out. You thought women could see this mark you have on you?'

'That's what he said. He said they'd always see it. And maybe they'd laugh at me. Or worse. He said women are evil. Nasty, smelly evil things. Down there.'

'But you like them, don't you, Lloyd?'

He nodded.

'You know what that means?'

'No.'

'Listen to me, now. Listen good. It means the preacher was a liar. There's no mark on you. There never was. Women won't hurt you…not the ways the preacher said they would. You're a man— you'll be a man. The preacher can't change that.'

'The stuff…he made me do…I…'

'It doesn't mean anything, Lloyd. Nothing. You want to know about women, you're curious about them. That's natural, okay? All young men, they feel like that. Tying them up so they can't hurt you… peeking in windows so you can watch without them seeing you…you don't need that. There's other ways.'

'How?' Spark of desperate hope in his eyes.

'You'll see. Me and Virgil, we'll show you. It'll take some time, but it's going to be all right. All right, understand?'

He nodded. Wanting it to be true.

'Lloyd? One of the kids around here, he told the cops they were sneaking around, looking in on parked cars. Remember?'

'Yes. It's true. I was with them.'

'And you told the other kids that you hated them…that maybe something should happen to them?'

'I didn't mean it. It just…hurt so bad. That they could be with girls and I couldn't. The mark…'

'The mark is gone, boy. It never was there. It was a lie. And this is the truth. Don't hate women. Don't be afraid of them. They never did anything to you.'

'I…'

'But somebody did, Lloyd. The man who told you about evil…that's what he was. Understand?'

The kid ground out his cigarette. Hands shaking, but his voice was steady then— hot wire of pain burning. 'I hate him,' he said.

'That's the first step,' I told him.

33

I PULLED OUT BEFORE the full morning light. Switched the Chevy for the Lincoln. Left the stack of magazines in the Chevy's trunk. Rebecca's cousins would know what to do with whatever they found back there.

Back in the motel, I took a shower. Slept until noon.

34

WHEN I GOT UP, I called Glenda. Nobody asking for me. I put on my prospector's outfit and went into the streets to look around.