Down in the Zero

'They were just experiments for the sake of experiments, right? Not science at all.'

'Not science at all,' he agreed bitterly. 'Sadism. Torture. Freakish ugliness.'

'But…even if someone wanted to do real experiments, like for cancer or whatever…you couldn't do it on humans, could you?'

'Not legally. I've heard…about places in the Third World where you can…buy subjects.'

'Mole, listen for a minute. Is there a drug that could make people suicidal? Make them kill themselves?'

He stroked the side of his face, took off his glasses, polished them on a greasy rag lying on his workbench. 'There are drugs that cause depression, drugs that interfere with cognition, affect mood. All kinds of results. But to actually make people kill themselves…no. If they were already disposed, maybe…'

I drove out of the junkyard dazed, brain spinning crazy, info–pinballing, colors and numbers bouncing off the corners. Trying to pick a drop of mercury off a slick Formica surface through a cloud of smoke.

Until I faced it. The same way I did with the child I killed in that basement. Just looked at it and looked at it until it told the truth.

Only one question left— who else was in? And how deep?

The Plymouth was wedged in the driveway like a roadblock. The garage doors were closed. I jumped out of the Lexus, headed inside. They were in the living room: Sonny, Wendy…and Fancy. She was on a padded chair in the living room, knees together, hands in her lap.

'Hey, Burke! We've been playing a game. You want to play too?'

'What's the game?' I asked her.

'Bondage,' she said, holding up her hands, wrists together, as if she was wearing invisible handcuffs.

Sonny's face reddened. Wendy stretched her long legs out on the couch, protective and watchful, not saying anything.

'I don't get it,' I said.

'Well, it seems like your young friend here got it into his head that I wasn't supposed to leave.'

Sonny nodded agreement with the accusation. Hard to believe this was the same kid Charm had slapped into submission such a short time ago. 'Good work,' I told him as I took Fancy by the hand and pulled her out of the room.

Back in the caretaker's apartment, Fancy sat on the bed as I changed my clothes. 'Why did you do that?' she asked.

'Do what?'

'Play that trick. To make me stay there…with Sonny?'

'It didn't have anything to do with Sonny. I just wanted to be sure you didn't wander off somewhere.'

'Where would I go?'

'To Charm.'

'But you told me— '

'Some things, not the whole thing. I've been stupid. This suicide thing, it didn't start when I came out here. I didn't get it because I was in it. Me, not them. I came here with too much baggage, and the weight made me blind. There's one more thing I've got to tell you…and then it's up to you.'

'Tell me what?'

'The truth, Fancy. The truth about Charm, and your father.'

'You already told me,' she wailed. 'I don't want to— '

'It doesn't matter what you want anymore. Things are gonna happen. Happen soon. I don't want you making any more offerings.'

'I don't know what— '

'Offerings. Like the way your mother served you up to your father. Like the way Charm uses you for her blackmail videos. I'm not here for the same reason now.'

'In Connecticut?'

'On this earth. I am going to fix things. This time. This one time. I looked into the Zero and I saw it. You know what I got, little girl? Another chance.'

'Burke, you're scaring me.'

I lit a cigarette. Handed it to her. 'Blow me a smoke ring, Fancy.'

She pursed her lips, puffed gently. The smoke billowed but didn't form itself into rings. She tried again, working harder. 'I can't,' she said. So much sadness in her voice— a little girl who couldn't do the trick.

'Watch,' I told her. I took the pack of cigarettes, pulled the cellophane wrapper down so it was anchored to the pack only by a thin strip. I held the glowing tip of the cigarette against the cellophane, carefully. When I pulled it away, there was a neat round hole in the cellophane— it looked like an entrance wound. I handed it to her. 'Draw in some smoke,' I said. 'Then blow it into the pack, right through the hole.'

She did it, puzzlement in her eyes. The cellophane filled up with smoke, thick and cloudy. 'Now tap the back of the cellophane, Fancy. Gently.'

She held the pack straight up, tapped a long fingernail against the back. A perfect smoke ring bubbled out of