Pain Management

Joel’s car was a green BMW Z3 with a tan canvas top, one of the early ones. He drove aggressively, keeping the little car in its lower gears until the tach asked for mercy. He braked late for corners, occasionally kicking the tail out, but always catching it smoothly. By the time he got to where I recognized a few landmarks, I knew where we were headed.

“She wants the meet where Daisy picks up her letters?”

“Yes. She said you already know about it, but nobody else does. She feels safe there.”

“Is that where she spent the night?”

“She spent the night at my house,” Joel said, in a “Want to make something out of it?” tone. “Jenn drove her over while it was still dark.”

“So Jenn’s with her?”

“Yes.”

“And Daisy?”

“No. Rose was quite adamant that Daisy not be present.”

“She’s calling the shots.”

“Speaking of shots . . .”

“Yeah?”

“I think you better let me hold your gun.”

“Why is that?”

“You’ve made no attempt to conceal that you’re armed. I’m concerned it could frighten Rose.”

“You know how to use a gun?”

“I . . . no.”

“Then I’m keeping it. It’s out in the open because I didn’t want to hide anything from you. But it’s not to scare Rosebud, it’s for her protection.”

“You think it’s that bad?”

“I know it is,” I told him.

Jenn and Rosebud were sitting together on the stone wall. They watched us approach, whispering urgently to each other.

“Maida and Zia,” I said, greeting them.

I was expecting a smile, hoping for a giggle. Got neither.

“What do you want to tell me?” Rosebud asked. “You already know I’m not going back.”

She looked like she was ready to jump off the stone wall and make a run for it any second. And Joel looked ready to try one of his wrestling moves if I made any attempt to stop her. I had to toss one of my aces on the table, quick.

“Rosebud, if I wanted to bring you back, if I didn’t respect what you’re doing, I could have just grabbed you and been done with it.”

“That’s pretty big talk,” she said. “You’ve been looking for me for a long time. Lots of people have.”

“Lots of people, yes. Me, no. I always knew where you were, Rosebud. I just went through the motions so I could keep your father from doing something real stupid.”

“Where was I, then?” she challenged.

“With Clipper and Big A,” I said, quietly. And as I said the words, I finally figured out who’d been making the dead drops for Rosebud.

Her mouth made an O, but no sound came out.

“I know why you went to Madison, too,” I said, closing in. “And I have the answer you want.”

“Madison wouldn’t—”

“She didn’t,” I said. “I put it all together. From the beginning. I know why Kevin is really looking for you, too.”

Rosebud turned to Jenn, a look of pain on her face so deep I didn’t think another human being could ever touch it. But Jenn gathered her in. They rocked together, both of them crying, Jenn saying “I know,” and “Daddy can fix this,” and a bunch of other stuff I couldn’t follow.

Joel stood beside me, as still as the stone wall. And less movable.

The two girls finally turned to face me, holding hands. I didn’t bother to ask Rosebud if it was okay to talk in front of the others.

I told her the truth.

When I was done, she looked at Jenn, who nodded agreement.

“It’s right here,” she said, handing it over.

“You understand what I’m going to trade it for, Rosebud?”

“Yes. How could he do that? How could he be a . . . traitor?”

“And that, if it works,” I said, ignoring her questions, “you understand you’ll never see him a—?”

“Yes! I have to do this. Daisy needs me. Jenn . . . ?”

“Yes,” Jenn said. Adding her vote.

“You take Rose back,” Joel told his daughter. “Mr. Hazard and I will go see Kevin. It will all be over soon.”

“You’re not going with me,” I told him on the drive back.

“The hell I’m not.”

“Listen to me, doc. You got no idea how much respect I have for you. I see the way your kids look at you; I feel so jealous, I can’t put it into words. You’re a standup man. But I have to do this one alone.”

“Why?”

“Because I made the girl a promise. And I’m going to keep it.”

“I’m not follow—”

“How much more do you want me to say? If Kevin goes for the deal, Rosebud will never see him again, right?”

“Right.”

“But if he doesn’t go for the deal, she still won’t,” I said; soft and slow, so he’d understand what I was telling him. “You want to be in on that?”

“I’ve got her,” I told Kevin on the phone.

“Oh God, that’s great! When can you—?”

“Tomorrow morning, maybe. If you can guarantee your wife and Daisy are out of the—”

“No problem! She’s going to drop Daisy at camp and then she’ll be—”

“—gone by seven-thirty?”

“Absolutely!”

“See you then. Leave your garage door open. We’ll come to your office.”

“Okay, okay, sure. Do I have to—?”

I hung up on him.

“What are you going to do?” Gem asked me that night. “Now that you know you were correct about him.”

“Depends on him.”

“Does that mean . . . ?”

“Yeah.”

“Burke . . .”

“I’m doing it, Gem.”

“Can you not trust me anymore?”

“Trust? Sure. Hell, I trust everyone. If I have to do it, I’ll be using this,” I said, taking out the pistol Hong had left me. “And if your boyfriend Pearl Harbored me, if this piece is hot, I’m fucked.” I didn’t bother to mention that I’d test-fired it, just to make sure Hong hadn’t given me a bunch of blanks.

She got to her feet, the anger gone from her face. “He is not my . . . boyfriend. I said you were my husband long ago. I meant that.”

“But the past can become the future.”

“Yes. You understand. But it was not a threat. And it was not about Henry. It was about you. Your past. Your future. I know how you hate it here.”