Dark Room

Jinx cut the line but held the receiver to her chest for several minutes, as if by doing so, she could maintain the link with him, for the comfort that the conversation had given her was all too ephemeral. Depression swept in behind it like an engulfing tide when it occurred to her that of all the people she knew, the only one she had felt able to telephone was a man whose first name she was too shy to use. Had she felt as lonely as this a week ago? Could she have done it? God help her if she had.

'Your brother's come to see you, Miss Kingsley,' said a black nurse, pushing wide the half-open door. 'I've told him ten minutes. Visitors out by nine o'clock, that's the rule, but as it's your brother and he's come all the way from Fordingbridge, well ... just so long as you don't make too much noise.' She noticed Jinx's pallor suddenly and clicked her tongue anxiously. 'Are you all right, my lovely? You look as if you've seen a ghost.'

'I'm fine.'

'Okay,' she said cheerfully. 'Not too much noise then, or my job will be on the line.'

Miles, exuding his usual boyish charm, took the nurse's hand in his and smiled into her face. 'I really appreciate this, Amy. Thank you.'

Her dark skin blushed. 'That's all right. I'd best be getting back to the desk.' She withdrew her fingers from his with clear reluctance and closed the door behind her.

'God,' he said, flopping into the armchair, 'she really thought I fancied her.' He eyed Jinx. 'Ma tells me you're back in the land of the living, so I thought I'd come and check for myself. You look bloody awful, but I expect you know that.'

She reached for her cigarettes. 'I'd hate to disappoint you, Miles.'

'She says you can't remember anything since the fourth. Is that true?'

She didn't answer.

'Which means it is.' He giggled suddenly. 'So you don't remember the week you spent at the Hall.'

She eyed him coldly as she felt for her lighter.

'You borrowed two hundred quid off me that week, Jinxy, and I want it back.'

'Bog off, Miles.'

He grinned. 'You sound pretty on the ball to me. So what's with this amnesia crap? You trying to get yourself off the hook with Dad?'

'What hook?'

'Whatever it is you've done that you shouldn't have done.'

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

He shrugged indifferently. 'Then why did you try to top yourself? Dad's been worse than usual this week. You might have thought of that before you started playing silly buggers.'

She ignored him and lit a cigarette.

'Are you going to talk to me, or have I wasted my time coming here?'

'I doubt you've wasted your time,' she said evenly, 'as I imagine seeing me was the last thing on your list.' She was watching his face, saw the flash of intense amusement in his eyes, and knew she was right. 'You must be mad,' she continued. 'Adam wasn't bluffing when he said you'd be out on your ear the next time. Why on earth do you do it?'

'You think you know everything, don't you?'

'When it comes to you, Miles, I do.'

He grinned. 'Okay, then it gives me a buzz. Come on, Jinxy, a couple of hands of poker in a hotel bedroom, it's hardly major gambling. And who's going to tell Dad anyway? You certainly won't and neither will I.' He giggled again. 'I scored'-he tapped his jacket pocket-'so no lectures, all right? I'm not planning to run up any more debts. The old bastard's made it clear enough he won't bail me out again.'

He was more hyped up than usual, she thought, and wondered how much he'd won. She changed the subject. 'How's Fergus?'

'About as pissed off as I am. A couple of days ago, Dad reduced him to tears. You know what my guess is-the worm'll turn when Dad least expects it and then it'll be your precious Adam who gets the thrashing.' He was fidgeting with the lapels of his jacket, brushing them, smoothing them. 'Why did you do it? He hates you now, hates us, hates everyone. Poor old Ma most of all.'

Jinx lay back and stared at the ceiling. 'You know as well as I do what the solution is,' she said.

'Oh God, not more bloody lectures. Anyone would think you were forty-four, not thirty-four.' He raised his voice to a falsetto, mimicking her. ' 'You're old enough to stand on your own two feet, Miles. You can't expect your mother to give you Porsches all your life. It's time to move out, find your own place, start a family.' '

'I don't understand why you don't want to.'

'Because Dad refuses to ante up, that's why. You know the score. If we want to live in reasonable comfort, we stay at home where he can keep his eye on us. If we want out, we do it the hard way and graft for ourselves.'

'Then welcome to the human race,' she said scathingly. 'What the hell do you think the rest of us do?'

His voice rose again, but this time in anger. 'You damn well never had to graft. You stepped straight into Russell's money without lifting a finger. Jesus, you're so bloody patronizing. 'Welcome to the human race, Miles.' You piss me off, Jinx, you really do.'

She was dog-tired. Why didn't the nurse come back to rescue her? She stubbed out her cigarette and turned to look at him. 'Surely anything has to be better than letting Adam treat you like dirt. When did he last beat you?' There was something wrong with him, she thought. He was like an addict waiting for a fix, twitched, unable to sit still, fidgeting, fingering, eyes overbright. Oh God, not drugs ... not drugs... But as she fell asleep, she was thinking that yes, of course it was drugs, because self-