when the car landed right side up. The paramedics would have placed a sheet over the baby but instead he and Chloe stared down at their newborn’s dark purple face and the blood gushing from his right eye socket, Chloe repeating again and again like a secret spell: “
“The kids miss you,” he said and hoped she wouldn’t turn away, thinking of the one kid who would never miss her, the child they had not even bestowed a name upon because they couldn’t agree. She had wanted Clayton; he, Michael.
He started to get up and maybe try to motivate himself to make that call finally to Dr. Carroll when she spoke again. “You’re a good man,” she said. “A good father. I mean that.”
“And you’re a good mother, don’t forget that.”
“You’re raising them now.”
“Why don’t you have some toast?”
Her eyes slowly opened. Even with only the light streaking faintly in from the hallway, Anthony could see the swollen redness of her face. Perhaps nightmares did visit her in that drug-induced sleep.
“I can make you some tea, if you want.”
She touched his arm, her first gesture of affection, of even a connection, in several days. “I’m so sorry, Anthony. So very sorry.”
Her tears were quick and full. He took her in his arms and let her cry against him. She had cried this way when he finally tackled her at the edge of the median before an SUV would have taken off her head. She tried to punch him and kick him, but he clenched her so tightly that all she could do was cry. Eventually, the trooper drove them to the hospital where they sat with their little baby in a cold room for several hours before a nurse told them the room was needed and that, oh yes, she was sorry, so very sorry for their loss.
“Why don’t we go somewhere?” he asked.
“What?”
“Delaney’s at SAT prep, Tyler took Brendan to bowling, so we can do whatever we want.”
She laughed, not quite a real laugh, but still it was something other than crying or sleeping and it stirred something for a moment in his heart. “Like the old days,” she said. “Before any kids at all.”
He smiled. “We can go to that old flea market where we made love in the back of your father’s Pontiac while Mexicans were selling rotten fruit right outside. Remember how the fat one knocked on the window and said, ‘
“That’s because you didn’t want to stop,” she said with the faintest flirtation.
He rubbed her thigh. “That’s what you do to me, baby. Even with fat, fruit-selling Mexicans watching, I can’t help myself.”
“I think you were showing off.”
“Me?”
“You knew what he was saying.”
He chuckled. “I did not. Not until later.”
“Yeah, once we got out and he said, ‘
“If we had been on that table between the avocados and the little bananas, I think he would have had more customers.”
“Oh, really, Mister Funny Guy?”
“Nothing sells quite so well as vagina fruit.” He squirreled his hand toward her crotch so quickly that she screamed in surprise and batted it away. Then he was on top of her and her arms were around him and laughter filled the bedroom for the first time in what felt like forever.
“Where do you want to go?” she asked. “Back to the flea market?”
“Heck, we can just go have lunch at Casa de Mexico and go at it on the table.” The laughter started again. “I’ll even pay the guy with the guitar to serenade us.”
He kissed her and though her lips were dry and her breath stale, it felt wonderful. Happiness wafted in her eyes. She stretched her arms to her side, arching her back in that familiar way, and he wanted her. Even now, even as she was almost emaciated and unshowered, he wanted her—his wife, his love.
Lizzy, their cat who would sleep in here all day too if Anthony didn’t force her out when he got up in the mornings, always stretched after a long nap, a signal she was ready to get some food and maybe sniff out the litter, but people in states of deep rest didn’t always stretch to awake the muscles for activity. Sometimes, the stretch was merely to stave off atrophy. Chloe might end up in a wheelchair one day if she stopped using her legs. That might be farfetched, but so was a baby’s death, at least in the heart where authentic truth lived.
Chloe’s arms curled back into her body, hands joining beneath his chest, and her eyelids settled closed again. The part of him that could have slapped her for giving up on life so easily did not flare up. Instead, he admired how peaceful Chloe looked, how sweet and gentle. Maybe the bad time would finally end. Maybe the darkness had lifted.
He settled next to her and was soon asleep. At some point, Lizzy crawled out from some hidden spot and curled between them.
The phone rang and Anthony assumed it was Stephanie, Chloe’s sister, who always called Saturday afternoons to check up on everything. Those conversations recently lasted only the few minutes it took for Anthony to tell Stephanie how many hours Chloe had logged in sleep this week. He should have realized it was too early for Stephanie’s call. He should have realized that everything was going so well this morning that something had to go wrong. He wouldn’t be able to think about it until a few days later, and then only after he washed the blood off his knuckles, but he should have known that darkness was going to descend again. Not that it would have made any difference had he recognized the sound of death in the phone’s ring.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Williams?” the gruff voice asked.
“Who is this?”
“I’m Sergeant Fratto. There’s been an accident.”
6
The idea came so suddenly and right out of nowhere that Brendan believed the gods had given it to him. Probably had been the gods’ intervention since he’d be doing it for them. Brendan opened his composition book on his lap and added to his list: 47—drop bowling ball onto car.
“What are you writing?” Tyler asked.
Brendan shut the book. “Nothing.”
The road to the bowling alley took them past a seemingly endless row of houses bordering the street. Each house had a well-cared-for lawn and no campers or even kids’ toys cluttered the driveways. There were only four styles of homes, and four colors to match, and they repeated over and over, styles alternating from one side of the street to the other. Did people ever forget which house was theirs and try to enter one only to discover they were attempting to break into their neighbor’s home? It probably happened more often than people cared to acknowledge. Brendan had seen it happen in his neighborhood where most homes were one-car garage condos that were symmetrically stuck to another one-car garage condo. Their house was the two-car exception; nor did their house border their neighbors’ or resemble it symmetrically or otherwise. Kids at school said he lived in
“You dress like that for bowling?”
Brendan wanted his brother to shut up; he had some planning to do if he was going to carry out the sacrifice without anyone knowing. “What do you mean?”
“You look like you’re going to school.