A Dark, Distorted Mirror. Volume 5 : Among the Stars, like Giants. Part 5 : The Three–Edged Sword

* * *

A great deal happened in that one hour. Once again my life became nothing but frantic rushing and running. I remember G'Kar talking to so many people, desperately urging them to accept something. Some did, and some did not. I did nothing, but remained close to him.

And so the hour passed, and with it the Alliance. The cracks had been obvious before this. Perhaps they had even been there from the start, but that hour was the signal of the end.

So many of them were gone. Either dead, like Lethke, Taan Churok and Sheridan, or in opposition to what the Alliance had become, like Na'Toth, Kulomani and Vizhak. I think that Delenn and G'Kar were the only ones who still held true to its ideals, and even they were distant and disaffected. G'Kar had seen his world and his friends die, and most of his dreams with them. He was a prophet then, but he had been a warrior in his youth and he knew that sometimes war was necessary. After the hour had passed he took me on board Cathedral, and made arrangements to see Sinoval.

Delenn.... I never knew her as well as I knew G'Kar, although I still cherish the memory of the times I spent with her. I have spoken to those who knew her in her younger days, and there was one thing that a blind, aged human told me.

Everyone who ever met her fell in love with her, at least a little.

But the Delenn of that hour had become too hard, too brittle. She no longer believed in peace, but she could not accept that Sinoval had been right in advocating war. She clung with grim determination to the belief that she was a healer, in spite of the realisation that there was nothing left for her to heal.

G'Kar was frantically busy during that hour. Delenn, on the other hand, was not. She did one thing, and one thing only.

L'Neer of Narn, Learning at the Prophet's Feet.

* * *

'You will return him to me.'

<We owe you nothing. All that is to be offered has already been offered.>

'I did not come here to be denied. You will return him to me.'

<We owe you nothing. If you depart from this place then you are a traitor, and deserve nothing but our scorn.>

'I served you all my life. I gave you everything I had. I bathed in your light, and obeyed your every word. For you I went to Z'ha'dum and allowed myself and my child to die. For you I allowed the Alliance to remain as it was, without facing up to the problems.

'And you say you owe me nothing?

'I say you owe me everything. But simply return him to me, and I shall leave, and not fight you - for I am no warrior, and I am sick of you. Return him to me and let me disappear. Or I shall fight you with everything I have.'

<Why?>

'Because I loved him once, so intensely and so passionately that I had no room in my heart for anything else, and whatever passed between us, that memory still exists. He was a good man, and if he had not been manipulated and controlled he could have been a great man.

'Because he means so much to me and to the people who have survived this, I will not let you throw his body into space and abandon it there.'

<He is dust and ashes. He is flesh, and flesh decays. Take him, and do as you wish with him.

<You are damned, forever outcast from the light, forever denied our salvation.

<And our love.>

'I do not want your salvation.

'Or your love.'

* * *

But she was not the only one to lose someone she loved. Only the most visible....

'I am a warrior. I am Minbari. I am of the Wind Swords.

'We are cold, the cold of stone, the cold of winter. A hard people and a harsh land.

'We were feared because we knew no fear. We would use the bodies of our brothers as weapons if we had to, and know that they would use our bodies as weapons should we fall.

'They called our armies the coming of the cold, and they feared us, because we feared nothing.

'No loss, no grief, no sorrow, no pain could deflect us from our task.

'The coming of the cold.'

A pause.

A long pause.

Longer.

'I am Sinoval.'

He was holding her cold hand in his. The bier on which he had placed her body was cold. Her body was cold.

'My lady,' he whispered softly.

He slumped to the floor against the bier, still holding her hand. He pressed the cold hand to the side of his face.

'My lady,' he said again. 'My lady, my lady, my lady.'

No loss.

No pain.

No grief.

No sorrow.

Could deflect them from their task.

My lady....

* * *

'Is it done? Did you do it? Did you do what was so damned important that you'd risk delaying a little longer and almost getting us killed?'

'It's done.'

'Was it worth it?'

'I don't know. No, I do. Yes, it was. It was worth it.'

'Is there anything else we should stick around for? Anything else that's so important that I can't know about it?'

'No. I'm sorry. I should have told you.'

'All right. So what was it?'

'I went to see Mr. Edgars.'

'What?'

'I convinced him to kill himself. It's amazing what you can do with the right choice of words.'

'What? This.... Why? Do you have any idea what Security will be doing? They'll be out.... We'll never get off– planet.'

'It was suicide. That's what they'll see, and if they see more, then.... fine.'

'Oh, for the love of.... Why? Can you even tell me that?'

'He did me a good turn. Several.'

'That's it? You know he never cared about you, or your cause.'

'Any more than you do. No, that was unfair. I know he never cared, but I had to repay him anyway. I have to repay my debts. It proves I'm still a man.'

'As opposed to a woodlouse?'

'As opposed to a corpse that just happens to be able to walk and talk.'

'....

'I see.'

'No, you don't.'